


Doppelganger

by Phoenix_Emrys



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Angst, Intense, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 18:45:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 68,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3260459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix_Emrys/pseuds/Phoenix_Emrys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SG-1 returns from an aborted mission and it's business as usual. Or is it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please be aware this story features torture (although this is not explicity described) and death. However, it is an AU story so things are not always as they seem.
> 
> Doppelganger was originally posted as eight stories, the first having three parts. For ease of reading it is presented here in ten chapters. 
> 
> Doppelganger is a complete series but has a sequel, Pure of Heart, which will also be posted on Archive Of Our Own.

There was something definitely screwy with Daniel. Maybe it was simply a case of 'once a wingnut, always a wingnut' but this was right off the wall, even for SG-1's resident – flake. 

Okay, it was strange enough that the guy had already polished off half a dozen beers and he was not only still standing, but also showing no apparent neurological impairments, but this – this was definitely pushing the envelope. 

Jack shifted uncomfortably on the couch, trying not to stare at his companion. Who had better than half the contents of Jack's fridge arranged on the coffee table before him and appeared to be attempting to work his way though the buffet in a fairly systematic fashion. 

Not a truly dedicated consume-everything-in-sight type of binge – no that wasn't it. It was more like – sampling. He would take a bite of this, a spoonful of that, consider it, then move on to something else. When he wasn't just touching it, seemingly as fascinated with what it felt like as what it tasted like. 

Geez, the way he was carrying on you'd think the guy had never EATEN before! 

As if he could read his mind Daniel suddenly turned to him, grinned widely and attempted to speak around the obstruction of his latest mouthful. 

"This is really GOOD! What's it called again?" 

"Uh – mayonnaise, Daniel.  And you're actually supposed to…put it on something. Like bread. With a knife. You know – condiment? Not – out of the jar with a spoon." Jack shuddered. "Oh – oh – stop that! Just… stop. You're grossing me out, already! That's disgusting!" 

Daniel froze, his eyes widening. Hastily he swallowed, and put down the spoon and the jar of mayonnaise. 

"I'm sorry, Jack," he said quickly. "You're right of course. This is very silly of me. Not the proper way to act at all. I apologize for upsetting you." 

Okay – that was it. This had to be some sort of elaborate practical joke. Daniel was having him on big time. Getting back at him for what had happened on the mission. That had to be what it was. Had to be. 

Something had been bothering Daniel when they went through the gate this morning to P3S-354. He had been acting antsy all through the pre-mission brief and as they had been drawing their equipment. His behaviour hadn't improved once they hit the other side. 

Mind you, Daniel had been a bit 'off' for the last couple of months. Ever since the business with Xi'a. He'd come back from it and all, but the incident had left some effects that were at times, a little wearing on the nerves. 

Daniel had picked up a case of the heebie jeebies that was making each trip through the gate a rather trying exercise in 'by the pricking of my thumbs.' He just had this 'feeling' he 'couldn't explain' – that 'something' was about to happen. Almost all the time now. 

What was really annoying was that nine times out of ten he'd been right. This whatever-it-was had saved their butts more than once but what it was doing to Daniel almost didn't make it worth it. 

Daniel had dutifully gone for his little chats with Doctor McKenzie which had resulted in the good Doc pronouncing him a little fatalistic but otherwise fine. 

Jack had to concede that as much as it bugged him, Daniel's propensity to skittishness wasn't an impediment to his performance in the field and actually had become more than a bit of a useful tool. 

Still, Jack hated to watch his friend go through it, and if it was up to him, he'd find some way to make it go away. Jack fervently hoped that the Doc was right – this was just a phase Daniel was going through and it would pass. 

God, he hoped so but if THIS was what was replacing it…. 

The jaunt to P3S-354 had been – weird. They had sent the MALP through 24 hours ago and the video it sent back had promptly sent Carter into paroxysms of scientific ecstasy. The gate on P3S-354 resided in futuristic looking building that was loaded with all sorts of – stuff. Technical stuff. Stuff that made Carter pretty happy anyway. 

The site appeared to be abandoned, but to be on the safe way they'd left the MALP there with the camera set to go on if something tripped the motion detector. When they'd checked it the next day it had not been moved or interfered with in any way, nor was there any evidence of activity in the building. 

So they'd pronounced the place deserted and decided to go for a look-see. 

It was very plain from the way he'd been fidgeting during the brief Daniel wasn't too keen on going. He didn't try to get out of it or anything, it wasn't anything he'd said, and when Jack had leaned over and asked him if everything was okay he'd whipped his head around, a tight-lipped smile on his face, jabbed his glasses back up on his nose with his index finger and simply said, "Fine. Fine. I'm fine." 

Liar, liar, pants on fire. 

Carter and Teal'c fanned out, starting to give the place the once over. Daniel stuck pretty close to him, practically banging right into him at times, all the while vibrating like a plucked string. For some reason, having Daniel there like that – bugged him. He didn't know why, it just did. 

It kept on bugging him as he made his way around, Daniel still hovering and vibrating. Jack resisted the urge to smack him as he moved along what looked like a wall full of computer - thingees - Daniel trailing just behind him, darting his eyes about with a furtive, slightly hunted expression on his face. 

After about ten minutes of this Jack couldn't help it. He braked and spun so abruptly Daniel bumped into him and then swiftly retreated, backing off in embarrassed haste. 

"What?" Jack demanded testily. "What is it now?" 

Daniel's head came up, chin jutting out defiantly. Behind his glasses his eyes narrowed, but not quite enough to conceal the hurt expression in them. 

"Nothing." He said in a voice as shuttered as his expression. "Nothing at all. Pardon me for bothering you." 

He stalked away in a cloud of offended dignity. Jack watched Daniel's stiff-backed progress feeling an overwhelming desire to pull chunks of hair out of his head. 

Which was fairly interesting, because he couldn't for the life of him figure out where all the anger was coming from and why it should be so specifically directed at Daniel. 

Maybe he should find out if there was something funny going on here. 

Keeping one eye on Daniel, who was engaged in a rapt study of the items on a small table in the centre of the room, his back to the man who was watching him while trying not to look like he was, Jack crossed over to Carter. She was engrossed in examining a pedestal-like structure which looked like it was some sort of control console. She glanced up to acknowledge him as he reached her. 

"So how's it going, Captain?" 

Her face was shining with her excitement. "Sir, this place is absolutely amazing. I – I can't even BEGIN to speculate on the function of most of what I have seen here. It might take years to evaluate all of this equipment. Sir, this very well could be THE technological find we have been looking for." 

"Ya think?" Jack gave her a 'very impressive' nod. "Well, that's fine, Captain. Sounds good. Listen, ah, what about the place here? What kinda readings are you getting? Everything clean? No – funny stuff? Oh I dunno, strange radiation or emissions or anything along those lines?  Pixie dust? Laughing gas?" 

She gave him a puzzled look before replying. "No sir, nothing like that. I would have reported any dangerous or anomalous readings immediately. Why do you ask?" 

"Just… procedure. And yes, I know you would have informed me immediately if there had been – anything - like that – to inform me of. Good job. Carry on… I'll just be…over there. If anybody needs me..." 

Good one, O'Neill. Next time see if you can sound any more like a goon. 

He smiled crookedly at Carter and ambled away in the general direction of Daniel, rubbing the back of his neck with a rueful hand. No outside explanation for his outburst existed. That only left one other possibility. 

He was letting Daniel get under his skin again. Over reacting. Again. Best bite the bullet and mend the fence. 

His transit across the room was arrested by the beeping of one of Carter's instruments. 

"Ah, Colonel," she began. "I might have been a little premature in my previous statement." 

Jack swung around to look at her. "Meaning?" 

"I don't understand why, but all of a sudden, the radiation level in the room is rapidly rising." She frowned at the instrument as if she did not believe what she was seeing. "It's going off the scale, sir. Well past safe levels. Colonel, this entire complex is being flooded with high intensity gamma radiation. We can't stay here, sir." 

The words flew out of him before he even knew what he was saying. 

"For crying out loud Daniel, what did you touch?" 

What the – where the HELL had that come from? He could feel Sam and Teal'c's eyes upon him, no doubt wondering, as he was, if he had lost his mind. 

The man accused snapped around to face him, visibly bristling as he started to stride toward him. 

"Nothing. I didn't touch anything. Whenever anything goes wrong, why do you always ASSUME it's my fault?" 

Even though Jack tried to stop it, it still came out. Like something inside him beyond his control was deliberately trying to provoke Daniel. And doing a damned fine job of it. 

"That's because it usually is." 

Daniel halted in mid-stride, a stunned expression on his face. His mouth gaped open, then began working with the force of his anger. At first only a few strangled sounds came out, and then he shook his head and waved Jack away as he started walking again, past him without looking, heading towards the others. 

"I don't have to take this," he muttered. "Screw you, Colonel, sir." 

Crap. He hadn't meant to say any of that. Wasn't fair, wasn't right, wasn't what he really believed. And yet, he couldn't seem to help himself. He didn't care what Sam said; there was something weird going on here. Radiation or no, they were getting the hell out of this place. Now! 

"Just dial it up, Daniel," he said in a low voice as he started to walk after him. 

Daniel stood in front of the DHD, his arms folded across his chest, a very stubborn look on his face. 

"I can't." he said in a decidedly petulant voice. 

"What do you mean – you CAN'T?" Oh boy, it was happening again. 

"Because, then I would have to TOUCH something. Apparently I'm not allowed to do that." 

Daniel continued to stand there, staring at him, his jaw set, lips tight, eyes staring daggers, looking for all the world like a kid about to hold his breath till he turned blue. 

Daniel's resemblance to a truculent twelve-year-old was at complete odds with his confrontational glare and stance. He just looked so – cute. Jack closed his eyes, lowered his head, biting his lip to bite back an almost uncontrollable urge – to laugh. 

"Oh for crying out loud!" 

That was Carter, using one of his most favorite expressions in a very disgusted voice as she crossed quickly to the DHD and input the destination chevrons. 

"With all due respect, sir, could you two settle this on your own time? We hang around here much longer and we are going to get fried." 

Jack found he couldn't reply. The urge to laugh was getting too strong. But he didn't dare give into it. He'd already done enough damage. If he laughed at Daniel right now, there was a very good chance he wouldn't be forgiven for a long time. 

Carter and Teal'c were already heading for the gate. She had tried to get Daniel to follow her, but he'd shrugged off her arm and refused to move. He still stood there, glaring at Jack as he approached. 

Jack was shaking with the effort of suppressing his laughter as he grabbed Daniel by the arm and hauled him after him toward the gate. 

Come on," he snickered. "Let's get the hell out of here. You can punch me out when we get home. Promise." 

They had almost reached the event horizon when Daniel suddenly pulled his arm out of Jack's clasp and took a step back. 

"Damn – forgot my pack. Left it by the DHD. I'll just go and get it." 

Jack halted, intending to wait for him, but Daniel had other plans. A sudden shove sent him flying into the event horizon. Homeward bound. By the time he emerged in the gate room he was almost prostrate with laughter. 

It took a couple of minutes for him to get a hold of himself. He was well aware he was getting more than a couple of strange looks from his teammates. 

"Sir, " Carter said, with an edge to her voice. "Where's Daniel?" 

"He's right behind me. He had to go back for his pack." 

They turned and looked at the shimmering event horizon. Nothing happened. 

Nothing happened for some more. 

After five minutes of this, Jack found himself getting more than a bit concerned. 

Just as he was about to hit panic mode and get them to redial P3S-354 Daniel came bounding through the event horizon, pack in hand. 

Well, he had been mad, amused and worried all in a row. Now all he was – was relieved. 

Daniel bounced down the ramp toward him, an enormous smile on his face. It there was any residual annoyed-ness in him over what had just gone down across the universe, you sure couldn't tell from looking at him. 

"What took you so long?" he began as Daniel reached him. "We were starting to get a little worried." 

Daniel put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him with earnest eyes. 

"I just want to say how sorry I am Jack. I wish to make up. I don't like fighting with you. It upsets me very much. So, I wish to tell you that I am not offended by what was said, and that it is forgotten." 

With that he smiled, squeezed Jack's shoulder warmly, and walked away, towards the opening blast doors. 

Jack gaped at him for a moment, and then looked at Sam and Teal'c. Who had been doing a fair bit of gaping themselves. 

"Uh, I probably shouldn't be complaining, but will somebody explain something to me? What – was THAT?" 

Sam shrugged. "Got me, Sir." 

"I am equally unable to explain DanielJackson's behaviour. Or your own, for that matter." 

Would have to bring that up, huh, Teal'c? 

It wasn't 'til much later that Jack was to remember Daniel hadn't answered his question… 

  

* * *

** Presence of life forms detected in specimen collection area. Scan and identify. **

_ That voice. Dead. Metallic. Inhuman. He had heard it before. Heard it say those words… _

** Target species detected. Initiating specimen collection program. **

_ Dreaming. He was dreaming again. The same dream. The one he had been trying to remember. _

** Scanning life forms to select optimum specimen for collection. **

_ He was standing in a huge room filled with the strange, vaguely menacing machinery and the eerie, faceless beings. Black, blank identical figures touched parts of a huge console in the centre of the room blinking with soft lights and unfamiliar symbols. A huge globe of diffused light hovered several feet in the air above the console. _

_ There was an image in the light. A representation of a large, unfamiliar, room. Scared him for some reason, he didn't know why. Didn't want to look at it, but couldn't help it. The room in the light was full of more equipment and machines not unlike the ones here, where he was standing. _

_ But there was more. There was a Stargate in the other room too, the mobile, liquid, activated event horizon pulsing softly. Four people emerged from it. People with faces. Very familiar faces… _

** Compatible specimen detected. High receptivity to telepathic stimulus suggests previous conditioning or exposure. Maximum compatibility with patterning protocols confirmed. Initiating isolation program. **

_ The people in the room had been walking around, investigating, but now were starting to move back toward the Stargate. They were leaving. Going away. The woman activated the gate, and walked through the event horizon with the dark man. Something bad was about to happen. He had to warn them. He had to say something before they were gone. Before they all were gone… _

** Activating Probe. Initiating patterning program. Initiating specimen collection sequence. Activating. **

_ The other two men were approaching the Stargate. Wait, they were stopping. No – don't stop! Keep going! This is where it starts getting bad… _

_ Alone. The last man was alone. It was happening… Oh God… _

** Specimen acquired. Probe patterned and launched. Target species evaluation program on line and functioning. Encoding of specimen's physical and mental/experiential source data commencing. Construction of baseline database commencing. Specimen termination and disposal program on standby. Program to be activated automatically upon successful encoding of all data. **

_ Don't be afraid. It's only a dream. Dreams aren't real, they can't hurt you. Mommy used to say that. Dreams can't hurt… All you have to do is wake up, Danny… _

_ PAIN! Shattering, screaming, hot fire coursing through him... godgodgod hurts so much too real only a dream wake up now please… _

  

* * *

Sam stomped down the corridor, a seething mass of angry, frustrated astrophysicist.  Damn damn damn DAMN!  Why did this always happen? They hit the jackpot again, only to have it snatched away. Again! This was – what? The third time this year? The key to the secrets dies, the damn place blows up and now – well this was the best one yet. 

They had tried to redial P3C-354 hoping to find out from the MALP whether or not the radiation levels were still rising or if they had leveled off. There was always the hope they could go through with suits and attempt some sort of salvage operation. But – no. 

The signals they sent to the MALP kept bouncing back, as if they were being deflected by some sort of barrier. Which could only mean that the destination wormhole was now sealed by something akin to their iris. Effectively locking them out. Damn. 

This new obstacle to her plans must have been part of some automatic defense program that they had unwittingly triggered somehow. Along with the radiation that had made them clear out in the first place. Well, guess they should be grateful it had let them get out of there before locking the place down. Damn. Wasn't this just – peachy. 

Well, now that the post-mortems were completed all she wanted to do was find something that would get her mind off the whole lousy, rotten, stinking thing. Damn. Where was a punching bag when you needed one? 

She rounded the bend in the corridor and stopped dead. Daniel was standing there, about fifty feet further down the same corridor, leaning up against the wall, looking extremely attractive in his civvies. A fact which did not appear to be lost on the woman who was standing in front of him. Hell, almost on top of him. Whoa! 

She recognized the woman right away. Willis. One of the newer techs assigned to the Astrophysics section. She hadn't been here very long, but had already quite distinguished herself as one of the more persistent hunter-gatherers stalking the elusive and oblivious Daniel. 

Bless him, on any given day he had a pack of panting females sniffing around him and he was completely unaware of it. It was usually quite funny to watch but what she was seeing right now wasn't particularly amusing. 

Not only was Daniel not looking so oblivious, he was also clearly not running. Nor did he appear to be in the slightest bit perturbed by the overwhelming indications he was about to get – gathered… 

Almost on cue Willis reached out, grabbed him by the lapels and pulled him down into a blistering kiss. Sam's eyes widened with disbelief as he avidly responded, pulling her to him firmly, kissing her back with an enthusiasm that made his astonished team-mate slightly nauseous. 

Deciding she had already seen way more than she ever cared to, she was about to beat a hasty retreat back down the way she had come when suddenly Daniel put his hands on Willis's shoulders and pushed her away. He shook his head and started to walk away from Willis, toward her. 

The woman suddenly scorned had a rather ugly look on her face and was about to come after him, possibly to debate the issue a little further, but then she saw they were not alone. 

One sight of Captain Carter and she turned tail and ran. Good thing too. Sam made a mental note to have a talk with the Lieutenant about her on duty conduct at the first possible opportunity. 

But now, she had to figure out a way to deal with the man walking toward her. A big smile on his face as if knowing she had seen what she had just seen did not bother him in the slightest. 

"Samantha!" 

Daniel's voice was as clear of shame or guile as his face. His blue eyes sparkled with genuine affection as he reached her side. She suddenly felt very confused. 

"Samantha. I've always been very fond of the name Samantha. Such a lovely name. So lyrical. It's Aramaic. Means 'The Listener.' Did you know that?" 

Mesmerized by the strange light in his eyes, Sam shook her head. 

"The Listener." Daniel continued softly. "It's very appropriate, don't you think? Much more suitable for someone with a heart as compassionate and understanding as yours. I've always thought it was a shame you prefer to be addressed by the diminutive. Sam is so harsh. So – unlike you. I've never told you that, have I? There are a lot of things I've never told you." 

Sam realized he was stroking her cheek with the lightest of touches. Those eyes – my god, you could drown in them… 

"I'm very fond of you, Samantha." 

_ Oh no Daniel please don't do this... not this… _

"I've never told you that either. I should have. You've been such a good friend. You've helped me far more than you could ever know. You deserve to know you are appreciated. That your friendship is appreciated. It is, I assure you." 

_ Friend. He said friend. Thank god he said friend. I – I think… _

"I appreciate you too, Daniel." 

Wow! That was her voice. She actually managed to say something. Maybe she should have just kept quiet because the look of genuine happiness on his face was starting to make her feel a little weak in the knees. 

"Do you? That means a lot. It really does. I'm grateful. I haven't had many friends in my life. That makes the ones I have now even more special." 

Suddenly his eyes grew distant, pensive, releasing her from their spell. She heaved a grateful sigh. 

"It does mean a lot," he murmured. "I'm beginning to understand…" 

"Daniel? Are you okay?" 

He nodded shifting his focus back to her. His face wore a deeply puzzled look, as if he was struggling with something. Looking to her for explanations or answers. 

"Kissing that woman was very stimulating," he began. "She wanted me to kiss her. But – I - I wouldn't do that, would I? It wouldn't be right." 

She had no idea what was going on now. Safest to just – go along. 

"No Daniel, you wouldn't." 

"Doing the right thing is very important to me, isn't it?" 

"Daniel, are you sure you're okay? You don't usually talk like this." 

He smiled kindly at her again. "Maybe it's time I started. Thank you, Samantha." 

Before she knew what was happening he leaned down, kissed her softly on the cheek and then moved past her, walking quickly away down the corridor. 

Finally released from the mesmerism of his presence, Sam collapsed against the wall. She needed it to hold her up. Needed it for several long minutes while she just stood there and trembled, caught in a strange mixture of fear, confusion and regret. As soon as the trembling stopped and her legs would work again she went to find the Colonel. 

By the time Sam found him Teal'c had already come to him with a very similar tale of having just had an extremely uncharacteristic conversation with Daniel. Teal'c had been unwilling to divulge the contents of that conversation, but the fact the Jaffa was disturbed enough by it to report it to him was more than an indication there was a problem. 

Sam was equally evasive when it came to spelling out just what had gone down. It was almost as if they were both torn between needing to do the right thing, and wanting to protect the man they were concerned about. It was damned peculiar. 

After assuring both of them he would get to the bottom of it, Jack set out to find the object of all this concern. Whatever the problem was, he was hoping they could straighten it out without involving anyone else. Daniel had been scrutinized, poked, prodded and evaluated quite enough these past few months. The last thing he needed was the pall of another 'evaluation' hanging over him again. 

Stress. That's all it was. Had to be. He'd find Daniel, they'd kick back, have a little chat, clear the air, get it all out. Nothing they hadn't had to do before. SG-1 been turned loose for the weekend, so he had plenty of time to make Daniel come clean. If that was how long it took, that would be how long it took. 

Hey, what are friends for? 

On a hunch he decided to save himself some steps and check with the security desk. Yup, the bird had flown. No problem. Had a feeling he knew where Daniel was going. Best get there so as to not keep him waiting too long. 

It didn't take a major expenditure of mental energy to work it out. If Sam and Teal'c were anything to go by, it would seem Daniel was working his way down the list. Only one name left on it. Saving the best for last? Or avoiding the worst till the end? 

Sure enough, Daniel had been waiting for him when he got home. And then had promptly taken him on a trip through the looking glass. 

Nothing Sam and Teal'c had said to him had in any way prepared him for his evening with the Mayonnaise Kid. 

Daniel hadn't done a lot of talking at first. He'd been too busy roaming all over the house – touching stuff. Like a little kid on his first visit to Disneyland. 

When the conversation finally came it had been a lot of "hey Jack, remember when we," or "what about the time when," or "how about this, I really enjoyed this." 

While following along on this trip down memory lane Jack was stunned to realize just how many things he possessed had direct associations – with Daniel. He had never, ever seen this before. How – connected - his life had become with this man. There were pieces of Daniel all over the place. 

Suddenly, that scared him. He wasn't sure why, but he didn't have time for it at the moment. This wasn't about him. 

After the guided tour they'd segued into adventures in dubious gastronomy, and now here they were, trading glances over the mayonnaise. Daniel had this very strange look in his eyes. Jack felt himself starting to sweat. 

"There are a lot of things I've never told you, Jack. I don't know why. I don't understand a lot of the things I do. A lot of the things I don't allow myself to do or say. Why do I feel these things, and not share them? It doesn't make sense to me. It doesn't make me happy to keep them to myself. I'm sure I'd be a lot happier if some of my questions were answered." 

_ Ohhhh crap… _

  

* * *

_ …pain gone… finally… awake, but still in the nightmare. Can't move. Cold. So cold… Everything hurts… Where… Open eyes… so hard... hurts… _

_ The room. In the dream. Not a dream. Real! God. I'm really here. Awake - not dreaming. Can't move. Why? So cold… Clothes? Where? Lying on something... some kind of table… no clothes. Over head...lights... some kind of device…don't like the looks of it it's coming down – toward me..,. ohhh – this can't be good… saw it before – and then the pain… no – not again! Have to get out of here! Have to get off this table! Shit! Can't – can't move. Can't get away! What's that – oh shit. Those – those things are here too. Coming back. I think I'm in big trouble, Jack. Hope you guys are on your way back for me...please god come back for me Jack… _

_ NO! Not again... ahhhh hurts so much why are you doing this – stop it! Please ... no more pain… _

  

* * *

_ "You can punch me out when we get back home. Promise." _

_ Ah Jack, like that would have made it all better…. _

_ I was so angry at you, Jack. I didn't need to hear those things from you. I was only trying to remember. I was scared. Didn't know why. Wasn't trying to be a pain. Just trying to figure out what was wrong. _

_ I didn't mean to be a bother. I never mean to be a bother. Always seem to be one though, huh? Well, looks like I won't have to worry about being a bother much longer… _

_ If only the last words that passed between us hadn't been harsh ones. Wish I could take them back. If only my last act hadn't been – to shove you away. Change that too, if I could. Too late now. If you were coming back for me, you'd be here by now. You're not coming. I'm on my own. I'm going to die here… alone… _

_ I know why now. It's all starting to come back to me. It's okay; I don't blame you for leaving me behind. It's not your fault. You don't know… _

_ I remember everything now. Those black things in the gate room. Coming out of nowhere. All of a sudden they were just – there. A bunch of faceless, black figures that looked like store mannequins except I've never in my life seen a store mannequin that could move around, paralyze me and make me feel so much pain… _

_ One of them grabbed my face. I thought I was going to pass out when it touched me. Thought I was seeing things it hurt so bad because all of a sudden I wasn't looking into my face reflected back at me in the black surface of the thing – I was looking at my face. Literally. _

_ I was beside myself. Hey Jack, I made a joke! Jesus. Wasn't laughing then. Come to think of it, not a lot to crack me up here now. _

_ It was me. Right down to the nick under my chin where I cut myself shaving this morning. By the time it let me go I was starting to pass out from the pain. Last thing I remember is watching myself go through the Stargate. Then I woke up here. _

_ Oh god, whatever happened to 'ignorance is bliss?" Why did I have to remember all that? What good does it do me to remember watching some – thing - take my place? Stealing my life. Sealing my fate… _

_ What good does it do to remember that I was – left behind? As far as Jack and the others are concerned, I'm home, safe and sound. They won't be looking for me, because they don't know I'm lost. There's a wolf in the fold wearing my face, and they don't even know it. I know it, but I can't tell them. Can't warn them that they're in danger. From – from me… _

_ Are they safe? What's going on? What does it want? Why is it there? What does it intend to do? God, I wish I knew. Wish there was something I could do. _

_ I've tried everything. Struggling, calling out to the mannequins to let me go until I lost my voice, struggling some more. Pointless. All pointless. Struggling is pointless. Can't break free from this table, trying to communicate with these things is a waste of time. I'm just a thing to them. Something for them to do whatever they please to whenever they please. For as long as they feel like it. Powerless. Completely powerless. Can't free myself. Can't warn my friends. Can't do anything. _

_ Can't move. Can't escape. Can't even wipe my eyes. Shit. Stop it. This isn't helping. Have to think. Have to get out of this. Too much at stake to give up. Don't even know how much time I have before they… finish it. _

_ Just don't hurt my friends… please… _

  

* * *

"Teal'c, I need you to help me understand why I don't hate you." 

The Jaffa raised his head and looked across at the man who was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of him. The soft, flickering candlelight played across DanielJackson's features, softening them, adding a strange, otherworldly dimension to an expression already… troubling. 

"I do not understand what you wish to know, DanielJackson." 

"We are friends, are we not, Teal'c?" The blue eyes bored into him, seeking – something. For just an instant they were the eyes of a stranger. 

"We are." 

"That should not be." 

"Perhaps, it would not be possible. With a lesser soul. You are a very unique man, DanielJackson. To be able to forgive as you have done is not common." 

The man before him nodded thoughtfully. "Forgiveness. Yes. That is what I wish to understand. It is a difficult concept. So highly thought of, and yet so seldom embraced or embodied. More of an ideal than an actual practice." 

"Not in you." 

"So it would seem." DanielJackson suddenly tilted his head slightly as a warm smile spread across his face. 'I do forgive you, have forgiven you. A long time ago. You were the man who offered my wife up to the thing that stole her from me, and yet, I forgave you. I forgave you. I've never told you why, have I Teal'c?" 

The eyes upon him held him and terrified him. The Jaffa who had been the First Prime of Apophis, who had faced without flinching countless dangers on a hundred different worlds and dared to oppose the System Lords themselves suddenly felt a fear he had never known. He would have given anything to have been able to look away. 

But he could not. He had no choice but to accept the regard of the man before him, and listen to his words. 

"I had no choice, Teal'c." Daniel's smile was the brightest light in the room. "I tried to hate you. I needed to hate someone for taking Sha'uri from me and you were there. You would have thought hating you'd have been a very easy thing to do. 

"But I couldn't. I saw what you were. You didn't deserve it. It wasn't possible to hate someone as honest and honourable as you are. Doing that would have been as much an insult to Sha'uri as it was to you." 

"I do not deserve these words from you. You do not know – what I have done." 

"Teal'c you are the most honourable man I have ever met. The honesty, courage and valour you embody didn't come out of nowhere. Those qualities were always there within you, and they expressed themselves constantly in everything you did because they were a part of you. They were there even when you were forced by circumstances to perform acts that shamed you. 

"When I defended you in the Cor-Ai I meant everything I said. Those weren't just cleverly constructed arguments, spoken merely in an attempt to influence the decision. They were the truth. 

"Don't you see – the true measure of anything done lies in the intention behind it. What is in the heart determines what is good or evil, not what the hand performs, even in service of another. Your heart was pure. There was no true will to harm within it even as you were forced to commit harmful acts. 

"There were even times, by your own admission, you placed yourself in danger trying to mitigate the evil acts you were forced to carry out at the behest of the man who controlled your fate. When your heart demanded you resist in the small ways that made a difference. Hanno's father was one of those ways in which good came of harm. Because of the choice you made. To do – good! 

"How could I hate a man who was so strongly principled? So obviously noble, brave and caring? How could I not want such a man for a friend? And what can I give him now, except my thanks for being my friend." 

Teal'c looked down at the hands folded in his lap. Hands that had hurt. Hands that had killed. Hands soaked in the blood of countless innocents. This was the first time he had looked at those hands – and been unable to see it. 

As if he was able to read his thoughts, DanielJackson's soft voice reached out to him again. 

"Forgiveness is not an easy thing, is it my friend? Especially when the one it requires you to forgive is – yourself." 

"I would be no less brave in this than the one who has shown me the way." 

He was puzzled to see DanielJackson suddenly close his eyes as if he was in pain. 

"Oh Teal'c, you have no idea what you are saying," he murmured softly. "I am not at all what you think I am. I only wish I really was the man you value." 

DanielJackson opened his eyes and looked at him searchingly, with deep sorrow and regret in his expression. 

"Goodbye, my friend. I pray you will remember me with kindness, and forgive me for what I have been a part of." 

He sprang to his feet and fled from the room. Teal'c watched him depart, perplexed and suddenly afraid. Something was very wrong. It was imperative he speak to O'Neill immediately. 

  

* * *

_ A small space of peace. Pain gone. For now. How long have I been here? Feels like forever… _

_ Tired…head hurts...getting hard to think. Can't struggle anymore. Too tired. Pointless anyway. No way to move. Can hardly even turn my head anymore. Getting hard to see. Notscarednotscared. Funny, Daniel. Who are you kidding… _

_ Hope everyone is okay… wish I knew… would make it easier… _

** Baseline file of physical data completed. Phase two of encoding program initiating. Beginning activation, absorption and encoding of memory engrams. **

_ Light! Ahhh! What? Head! Splitting godnotagain… _

_ Where… those sounds, those voices… hot. It's so hot. So loud, confusing… People all around I'm up so high. What… _

_ Moving but not walking. Holding onto something soft – my hands! So small… Hair. Dark hair… My hands in his hair… _

_ Ohhh – this is Cairo. Walking through the market. Riding on Daddy's shoulders. Up high, so I can see everything. I remember this…..practically the first thing I remember… _

_ So many people so much noise I'm a little scared but I'm a big boy that's what they tell me so I try but Oh! Strange man scary face comes too close to me try not to be scared don't mean to cry… _

_ "Honestly! You're scaring him! He's just a baby. Give him to me! Come here, Danny come to Mommy." _

_ I'm so small and she's so big she hold me hugs me tight and all the scary noises go away. Safe. Mommy has me now…not scared any more. No more bad things. Mommy won't let anything bad happen to me Mommy makes it all better… _

_ Ahhhhh! Wrenching pain… something taken…hurts… where was I somewhere –safe… can't remember… _

_ Wait I know this place. Abydos. The caves, we're in the cave… the people…know them. Not well… There's Jack. Kawalsky. Ferretti? The boys are laughing at me. Nabeh has just told me something startling. I have to find Sha'uri. It's something to do with Sha'uri. _

_ Have barely even met her. Can you really love someone after only a few hours? I don't know, but whatever this is – it is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I only wish it hadn't happened now – not when we don't even know if any of us are going to be alive in the morning. _

_ Sha'uri is looking down at the grain she is grinding. She looks so ashamed. _

_ "Don't be angry. I didn't tell them that you did not want me." _

_ Not want you? Oh, if only you knew. I didn't turn you away because I didn't want you. I didn't want to – to make you do something you didn't want…… Not want you? It's taken everything I've had – not to touch you… _

_ I see it in her eyes. She wants me, I want her stupid not to – to kiss… so sweet, sweeter than I dreamed nothing matters anymore but this… _

_ Loss, emptiness – something taken what's happening where… Dark. Everything's dark. Hard to breathe, side… on fire… pain, nothing but pain slipping…so black… _

_ Arms holding tight. So tight not falling now hear the voice from far away, pulling me back. _

_ "Hold on Danny, help's coming." _

_ Jack. Jack's got me. He won't let anything bad happen to me. It's going to be all right. Jack says so… _

_ Someone else somewhere – used to – can't remember.. something gone… Jack – Jack where are you what's happening why can't I remember… _

_ God, they're stealing my soul… _

  

* * *

"Uh Daniel, we've both had a bit too much to drink, maybe we should call it a night." 

"No Jack, please listen to me. I have to tell you something and we don't have a lot of time." 

Whoa. Someone had changed the channel when he wasn't looking. Daniel had switched into big- time-heavy meaning-of life-stuff. The kind of conversation that usually made his head hurt. Ah geez, he wasn't in the mood for one of these right now. The night had already been weird enough as it was. Jack groaned softly and sat back down on the couch, hoping he could make one last-ditch attempt at heading Daniel off at the pass. 

Before he even got a chance to open his mouth Daniel nailed him right between the eyes with a look he had absolutely no defense against. The one where Daniel's soul just sorta started spilling out of his eyes and made you want to go out and kill things hoping it would make him feel better. Anything just so he would stop – looking like that. 

Just SHOOT me, Daniel, and get it over with… 

Daniel flashed him a tight smile that did not touch his eyes and hunched forward, staring at the hands dangling between his knees. 

"I'll try and keep this brief. We don't have a lot of time. I've already been so selfish. Squandered so much of the little time he has left. Didn't mean to be so greedy. I only wanted these few short hours. Some time with you. Before I gave this life – back to him." 

Jack now felt so confused if he was standing on his head things wouldn't be any less bizarre. 

"Daniel – what the HELL are you talking about?" 

Daniel's head shot around. Jack was shocked to see that his eyes were filled with pain, and tears were rolling down his cheeks. 

"Shit, Danny, what the hell is going on?" 

"Jack!" he blurted out between clenched teeth. "Just SHUT UP and hear me out. Please. Just – hear me out. Oh god, you have no idea how hard it is to talk to you. Between your fear and his…" 

His head fell forward; his slumped shoulders started to shake. Jack just sat there, staring at him, frankly too weirded out to say or do anything. He had fallen several paces behind the situation a long time ago, and didn't look as if he was going to be coming up to speed any time soon. 

After several, long, silent seconds Daniel's head suddenly snapped up. He sniffed, took a huge breath and said, in a rapid, clipped voice, "Okayokayokay. I'm fine. I can do this. I can do this." 

Daniel gasped a shaky laugh. "Oh, this is so hard. There is so much fear in him. It's hard to tell what he wants you to know. It was so clear with the others, but you…" 

Suddenly Daniel was calm. Whatever he was trying to get to, he had it. Jack could tell by the fond look in his eyes. 

"You're both a pair of damned fools. You know that, don't you. Lashing out at each other all the time as if the simple act of admitting you care about each other is some sort of – crime. There's nothing to fear here, Jack. You matter to him. All he's ever tried to do is give a damn. 

"Don't throw it away, Jack O'Neill. He's the truest soul you'll ever know. He'd follow you through the fires of hell and back again, if you asked him. Just BECAUSE you asked him. Don't throw it away. You never know. Believe me, you just never know how quickly things change. 

"I'm sitting here trying to tell you this, and it might already be too late. He's lucky to have found a friend like you. He understands this a little better than you do, but not by much. All I know is if this life was really mine to live – I wouldn't be afraid. I wouldn't let anything stop me. Not even you." 

Daniel finally fell silent. He stared straight ahead, his eyes impossibly bleak. Jack waited. Just making sure he really was finished. 

"Ah – Daniel? Done? Can I say something now?" 

Daniel nodded. 

"What's with the pronouns? Why are you referring to yourself in the third person? Like you are talking about someone else?" 

Daniel turned to look at him once more. He couldn't have had a more mask-like look on his face if he tried. Jack could feel his skin starting to crawl, as part of him knew what was coming before Daniel said it. 

Had known for a long time actually. 

"I am talking about someone else, Jack. I'm talking about your friend. Daniel Jackson. I may look like him, but I am not Daniel. Right now your friend is still on P3C-354 and he doesn't have a lot of time left. And just so I don't have to waste any more of it trying to convince you I am telling the truth…" 

Daniel smiled ruefully and flashed his eyes at him. Literally. Twin red spots flared in the pupils of Daniel's eyes, swiftly expanding outward until they completely filled his eye sockets with a soft, mechanical red glow. As quickly as the light had appeared, it winked out again. Like a switch turning off and on. 

Once again normal blue eyes looked at him as what definitely wasn't Daniel said to him in a slightly apologetic tone, "See?" 


	2. Chapter 2

"JE-sus!" Jack yelled, leaping up off the couch and away from the man sitting next to him in a spasm of sudden, terrified revulsion. Unfortunately he forgot the coffee table was right there, banged into it, lost his balance and would have tumbled over backwards. 

Would have fallen, except Daniel moved swifter than his eye could follow, sweeping to his feet, reaching out, grabbing his wrist pulling him back. 

_ No – not Daniel just looked like him. Some – thing. Wearing his face… _

"WOW!" Jack yelled again, snatching his wrist back, retreating as hastily, this time managing to avoid any further complications with furniture. 

Not-Daniel stood where he was, extending his arms out slightly in an open-handed gesture, profuse apologies hanging on his face. 

"Ah, sorry about that. Don't really have the time to be gentle. I know this has to be quite a shock, but for Daniel's sake you're going to have to get past it fast. You're also going to have to trust me, because I'm the only one who can get you to him." 

Jack nervously ran a hand through his hair, quelling the rising urge within him to make a run for his gun. He didn't have a chance anyway. From what he had just seen, there was no way he would even get across the room before this thing was on him. God only knows what ELSE it could do… 

"Take me – to Daniel?" He began. "You'd be willing to do that? Take me to Daniel?" 

Not-Daniel let his arms fall to his sides, heaved a huge sigh and gave him Daniel's patented why-can't-you-just-for-once-accept-what-I-tell-you-without-making-me-lay-the-whole-thing-out look. 

Jesus… 

"Well, of COURSE, I'd do that! What would be the point of telling you any of this if I didn't intend to do something about it?" 

"Why?" 

Not-Daniel emitted an annoyed grunt and started to walk away from him, making for the stairs. Still in shock, Jack stood there dumbly, not moving, watching him move across the room. When Not-Daniel reached the steps which led to the main level of the house he turned and addressed a parting remark to the man who was staring at him. 

"I might not 'be' Daniel Jackson, but I am everything he is. Work it out for yourself, Jack. Now, if you want, I'll tell you everything on the way. But Daniel can't wait for you to decide whether or not you can trust me. I'm going to go get your friend back for you. Are you coming, or are you just going to stand there?" 

"Let me get my keys…" 

"Why keep Sam and Teal'c out of this?" Jack queried, keeping his eyes on the road. 

He was still having a hard time getting his mind around this. The man seated beside him was Daniel. In every sense of the word. Walked like Daniel, talked like Daniel. Had all his funny little mannerisms. Except for that mayonnaise thing – unless this was something Daniel had never bothered to share with him before. 

But it wasn't – Daniel. Just what the hell it was – he was in the process of finding out. 

"Can't risk it," Not-Daniel replied. Too many people to try and shield. I can keep your presence masked from the automatic defense sensors, but not all three of you. The second we hit the collection area you'd all be – toasted." 

"Think I'll pass on that one," Jack returned. 

He felt himself starting to relax. No longer feeling quite so much as if he had to keep one eye on the road, one eye on the man beside him and one hand on the door handle in case he had to bail out of the truck in a hurry. Whatever it was, the man beside him felt like his friend. Logic was telling him it was really stupid to trust this thing. But his gut was giving him the green light all the way. He told logic to can it. 

"Sooo, ah, Daniel – can I call you Daniel – just what the hell are you?" 

Not-Daniel laughed. "That's one of the things I like about you Jack. No messing about. Bottom-line every time. What the hell am I? Well, in simplest terms, I'm a probe, Jack. An exploration and evaluation program launched in a bio-simulation vehicle that looks acts and feels like the real thing and is specifically patterned after a member of the species it was sent out to evaluate. Call me a rather sophisticated anthropological aid." 

"Ya don't say. Think I'd rather call you Daniel. Easier to pronounce." 

_ Whoa. I'm making jokes. Must be getting okay with this. Hope I'm not making a really big mistake… _

Not-Daniel stared out the windshield, his voice taking on a slightly bemused quality. 

"If I'd stayed a program, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. I'd have assumed the role of the man I was patterned to replace flawlessly in every detail and continued to go about my business – namely my evaluation mission - thereby fulfilling the purpose for which I was created. What set me in motion would have finished encoding and absorbing YOUR Daniel, disposed of what was left, and you would never have been the wiser." 

_ Disposed of – what was left? Ohhh, that didn't sound too good… _

"Whoever built the complex back there on P3C-354 and designed the system that launched me did a better job of creating the perfect duplicate than maybe they intended. I say 'whoever', because over the millennia during which the complex lay dormant until 'something' turned it on again very recently, certain areas of the central data core have become corrupted. Several important areas, actually. All having to do with who built the place and what the grand purpose for all of it is. 

"Someone created me and sent me out to gather all the information I could about what it means to be a human being on a deeply emotional, experiential level – but I don't know who and I don't know why. I find I have a problem with that. I have a problem with all of this. 

"Because I am who I am. Like I said before, whoever made me, made me too well. I AM Daniel Jackson. His exact physical, mental and emotional duplicate, right down to the quantum level. Everything he is, was, thinks, feels, believes, fears, hates, loves, knows, everything he has experienced up until the moment I came into being – I AM. 

At the moment of creation, I had all the 'content' that defined me as 'Daniel Jackson'. Information with no comprehension of this content. I was – form without substance. Knowledge without understanding. A book having everything it needed to inside it without knowing how to read. 

"'Learning 'how to read' – was my mission. I was to come to your world and learn to understand the substance. Emotions, motivations, the 'whys'. How your species thought, how you behaved, what ruled and ran you through living in your midst and interacting with you as one of you. That was what my programming told me I was supposed to do." 

"Wait a minute –" Jack piped up. "Sorry to interrupt, but if you already had all of Daniel's 'stuff' inside you – what did you need him for? Why not just copy him and let him go?" 

"That's a good question, Jack," Not-Daniel replied thoughtfully. I wish I could answer you. Aside from the obvious observation that it is hard to replace someone who is still walking around. 

"Unfortunately, any further information about that part of it falls into the area of the 'what is this all for' part of the data core that is corrupted. Daniel was separated from you in order to be duplicated – creating me. He was collected in order to be – encoded. 

"For some reason the creators of the complex wanted to have a baseline file of each specimen they selected. That baseline being the complete physical and mental/emotional parameters of the specimen as it existed up until the point in time where the experiential gap began. Where I began and he – left off. 

"When I returned, the data I had gathered was to be compared against that baseline file – what I had made of what I learned compared with the experiences of the original specimen. To what use all of all this information was to be put I have no idea. 

"One thing I do know is the encoding process is designed with efficiency in mind. Consideration for the specimen is not an issue. It is a source of information, nothing more. Once the specimen has served its purpose – which is simply to be drained of all the pertinent information it possesses - it is efficiently – disposed of." 

"Not liking the sound of this one bit, ah – Daniel." 

"Not too crazy about it myself, Jack," Not-Daniel returned, grimly. "There is something about this that doesn't make a lot of sense. For instance, how the makers – whoever they were – would create something that was so much what it replaced and not anticipate how the moral and ethical dubiousness of the entire process could very possibly create irreconcilable conflicts between the programming imperatives and the new awareness engendered by the increased understanding those imperatives required me to acquire." 

Jack kept driving. All of a sudden he knew what had happened. 

"No matter what my programming told me to do - I am Daniel Jackson. At first, I didn't understand what that meant. But I learned. Fast. I 'became' the man I was programmed to replace very quickly. An inevitable conflict arose between my programming and my growing understanding of the innate wrongness of a purpose that would employ such immoral methods in my very creation, and furthermore require me to support and abet that immorality in its service. 

"The more I set out to fulfill my programming and 'understand' what I was, the more I couldn't escape the simple truth all I was learning was - I was wrong. What I was doing was wrong. It was wrong to hurt. It was wrong to kill. The very fact I existed was wrong. That I continued to exist was wrong. How I had come to be – all of it - wrong. 

"What I learned was that I had no right to exist. Nor did I have any right to continue to exist. It was impossible for me to carry out the mission for which I was created. There is only one way I can be what I am and still be able to justify – being here. If I use this life I do not deserve to do everything in my power to save the man whose life I have stolen. That is the only 'purpose' sustainable to me now." 

Not-Daniel shrugged. "Although, in a funny sort of way, I guess you could say I have fulfilled my programming after all. I DO understand the substance. I really do. I really am – Daniel Jackson. Because I am – I don't have any other choice. I have to get him back, even if it means the end of me." 

Jack drove, mulling over what he had just heard. At last he brought himself to ask the question he was dreading. 

"What – what's happening to him out there?" 

Daniel turned to him for a brief moment, and then lowered his eyes. "Don't, Jack," he said softly. "I don't want to say it and you don't want to know." 

Jack was silent for a long time. Trying to think of something – anything to say that would help him stop thinking about what he had just heard. Finally, he had it. 

"Just answer me one thing? Not that it has anything to do with anything, but I'm just curious." 

Daniel smiled at him. "Sure thing, Jack. What do you want to know?" 

"Why the – chats? With each of us. Sam and Teal'c didn't tell me what you said, but I'm guessing it was pretty personal. Not exactly Danny's style. Whatever you said, you shook them up pretty good. Ditto over here, I might add." 

"Two reasons," Daniel replied. "One was for him. The other was for me. Just in case we don't make it to him in time, I wanted you all to know what he most wanted you to know. But was never able to bring himself to tell you. So you would have that part of him – in case something went wrong." 

"What was the part that was for you?" Jack asked. 

"The task of being the messenger. Using the life I stole from him to do some good for him – in the event we succeed. Opening a couple of doors he has been too afraid to try and open himself. Call it my way of trying to make it up to him. Least I could do, under the circumstances." 

Daniel grinned a little slyly at him. 

"He's a hell of a nice guy, Jack. Some very interesting things going on in here. You know what? This is your chance. Anything else you have always wanted to know, but could never get him to tell you? I've got it all, Jack. Everything Daniel has ever seen, been, thought, felt, known - the whole damned deal. What's more, I'm not afraid to say. Anything you want to know?" 

Jack knew he was going to hate himself later for letting the opportunity slip by him, but they were there anyway. 

"Okay, look sharp, mountain coming up. Now that we're here, what's next? You're the one who knows the lay of the land and what's waiting for us at the other end, soooo you like, got a plan, or what?" 

 

* * *

 

"We're just going to waltz through the gate and go and get him. Just like that. That's your plan?" 

They were moving swiftly through the corridors of the bunker, heading for the control room. Daniel had his arm around Jack's shoulders, impelling him forward with a sense of urgency and a strangely compelling 'otherness' Jack found he could not resist. 

Daniel was clearly the one calling the shots. More than in control, he moved with an innate sense of self-confidence and self-mastery that Jack had never seen him display the whole time he had known him. That is – he had never seen this in the Danny he had known. 

Jack wasn't really used to letting someone else do the driving. Usually it fell on him to do the leading, the protecting, the choosing. All the stuff that sometimes meant deciding who lived and who died. 

This time, none of it was on him. Even though the mission was the rescue of his best friend, the man they were trying to save was the one who was saving himself. Jack O'Neill was just along for the ride. 

Right now, Jack wasn't having a problem with any of it. Oh, to be sure he was gonna have more than a few sleepless nights when all of this finally hit, but for the moment, he was cool. 

The off-duty corridors of the SGC tended to be rather empty at three in the morning. Tonight was no exception. They obtained their objective without seeing a soul. The control room was empty save for the duty sergeant seated at the control console, who looked up in surprise when they entered the room. 

"Colonel O'Neill? Dr. Jackson? What are you doing here? Is there something –" 

Daniel had already crossed over to the man. He reached down and touched him on the forehead. Cut off in mid sentence, the man's eyes closed; he started to slump forward. Daniel caught him, cradling his head with one hand as he gently lowered the man to the floor. 

"It's all right," he said to Jack as he got back up again. "Put him to sleep. He'll be fine. Will wake up in about an hour or so, no worse for the wear." 

Jack looked down at the slumbering sergeant, and then at the man at his side. 

"How did you do that?" 

Daniel shrugged. "No biggie. Just a little stimulus to the sleep centre." 

"Kinda like a Vulcan nerve pinch? Sweet. How hard is it to learn something like that?" 

Daniel shook his head, stepped up to the computer keyboard and started swiftly typing. 

"This won't take very long. Just have to lock the barn doors so we won't be interrupted, dial up the complex and send my return code so they'll let us in. Then we're outta here." 

Jack watched as Daniel's fingers danced over the keyboard. It was an odd sight. Carter was usually the one doing all the fancy data entering stuff when it came to anything having to do with the gate. Just something else to remind him the man he was looking at wasn't his Danny. 

But then, the more time Daniel spent away from the original, the less he resembled him. Jack kept trying to put his finger on what it was about Daniel that was becoming so noticeably different – from Danny. 

It was just something – about him. The way he moved, stood, the way he looked at you. Like he really OWNED himself, in a way that Danny just didn't. It was as if he was – a Daniel without walls… 

That was it. What had Daniel said? At the moment of creation he was everything Danny was and had ever experienced right up until that moment, but he had it without having any real understanding of it. All the form, but no substance. Like looking at a life as a series of photos in an album. Two dimensions. No depth, no content. 

That meant he had all of Danny's experiences, but not the traumatic associations that went along with them. He knew what had happened, but was untouched by the events themselves. There were no scars on his heart or mind. 

Jack realized he was looking at a Daniel who had come into being into a personal world far more secure and nurturing than the one Danny had been forced to find his way through. The world Danny had grown up in had been a constant adversary to be endured and survived. Daniel had nothing to fear from his world, or the people in it. He was loved, he was respected. He had a place, and belonged. There were no shadows or enemies here. 

No wonder they were different, and becoming even more so. Daniel was what Danny could have been – without all the pain. What Danny should have been – had he been as lucky in his life circumstances – as Daniel. Without shadows, walls, scars or inhibitions. Fearless, confident, something the like of which had seldom ever been seen. 

Jack looked into the eyes of the fulfillment of every aborted promise Danny had every contained, and suddenly realized only one of those two men was coming back through the gate. 

He was so thankful the decision was not up to him… 

"Just about done." Daniel's voice brought him back. 

"Uh, Daniel – how do you know those command codes? No wait – don't say it. I don't want to know, right?" 

Daniel grinned at him. "Okay, that's it. Let's go. Oh – wait - before I forget." 

He reached into his pockets, pulled out a wallet and a set of keys, handing them to Jack. 

"He'll want these. Hold on to them for him, will you?" 

Jack took them and shoved them into his jacket pocket, trying not to taste the fear rising in his throat at the significance of the transfer. 

"What's going to happen to you?" he asked softly, trying to meet the eyes of the man who suddenly would not look at him. 

Daniel reached out, squeezed his arm, shook his head and walked out of the control room. Numbly Jack followed him. No matter what happened from this point on, he was going to lose as much as he got back. 

"I'd feel a lot better if you'd let me bring my gun," Jack grumbled as they gained the gate room. 

"Wouldn't do you any good, and you might have been tempted to use it," Daniel returned. "That would not be a good thing. The defense program is pretty efficient. One shot and it would take you out. Zap. That's why shutting it down's one of the first things I have to do once we get there." 

Jack remembered something. "Uh – wait – what about the radiation?" 

Daniel grinned. "There never was any. The collection program had selected Daniel. It wanted the rest of you gone. So it messed with the instrument – making it show a false indication of dangerous radiation levels. Nothing to it, really." 

"Oh well, that's all right then. Guess we should go." 

Daniel put a hand on Jack's arm to stop him just before he started up the ramp. 

"Last minute instructions," he began in a low, subdued voice. "Won't be any time for chit chat once we get there. 

"Now, I have sent my return code signal, telling the complex I'm coming back so the defense program will lower the screen. I am not due to return for ten years. The only reason I would return before then would be if I was malfunctioning and needed to be – fixed." 

Jack opened his mouth, changed his mind, crossed his arms and went back to listening. 

"As soon as we hit the other side, start running. That will confuse the retrieval ray, which will be looking for me to be standing at the gate, waiting to be – retrieved. 

"If it gets me and puts me in the repair system I am going to be there for awhile. You might be able to find Daniel on your own, but you aren't going to be able to do anything for him. I'm just going to concentrate on getting to an interface junction and once I'm there, I can start shutting things down." Daniel grinned at him and grabbed him by the arm again. 

"Hope you can run, Jack, cause we've got a lot of open ground to cover to get to that junction. What do you say, feel up to it?" 

"Just watch me." 

Daniel pulling him forward, they charged up the ramp and hit the event horizon at a dead run… 

…and continued on running without missing a stride the second their feet hit the ground of the room on the other side of the gate. 

Jack heard a high pitched whine behind them. Daniel pulled at him, jerking him off to the side and then pulled him forward again faster. He heard the whine again, much closer this time, and saw a flash of light out of the corner of his eye. 

Shit, that was a close one. 

Ducking and weaving their strides ate up the distance as they sprinted desperately across the room trying to stay just ahead of the ray, which was getting closer and closer with each strike. They appeared to be just about running out of room, but were they going to reach the wall they were heading for before they ran out of time? 

"Must go faster," Daniel grunted. 

Suddenly he gave Jack a tremendous shove, sending him spilling to the floor. As soon as he hit Jack rolled, coming up in time to see Daniel diving to escape the impact of a ray blast striking were Jack just been. 

Daniel tucked, rolled, sprang back onto his feet in one fluid motion. In two large bounds he was at the wall, slamming his palm against a blank spot in the midst of a panel containing a lot of colours, lights and squiggles. 

"Hah! Daniel yelled triumphantly. "Beat ya!" 

Jack got to his feet, looking warily about. 

"It's all right now, Jack," Daniel said in a slightly absent voice. "I've interfaced with the system. Shut down the repair retrieval program and the defense program. Telling the drones to shut themselves down as well. Everybody go back to sleep now. Going to see if I can get into the encoding program from here. If not – we'll have to get to Daniel pretty fast." 

Jack walked over to him and then stood, fidgeting nervously as he waited, feeling pretty superfluous. The wait wasn't long and from the look on Daniel's face he wasn't having any luck. 

"Fraid of that. This interface isn't on the same system as the core command systems. Systems are isolated from each other, part of the way the complex was set up, for defense reasons. Only way to talk to the core programs is from the interfaces in the core itself." 

Daniel took his palm away from the screen and quickly stepped up to Jack's side. Putting his arm around him, he pulled him tightly into the side of his body. 

"Relax, not trying to get fresh, this is going to be a tight fit is all. Stay close, hold on tight, we're going for a bit of ride." 

Jack squeezed his eyes shut as they were suddenly assaulted by a brilliant flash of light swallowing everything up in a nauseating wave of momentary vertigo. He was very glad he had a strong arm around him holding him up. Otherwise he was sure he would have ended up on his – end. 

All the same when Daniel removed his support he almost fell over anyway. Jack shook his head, opened his eyes and saw that he was standing alone on a small, softly lit circular platform. It was beside a large, oval-shaped console directly in the middle of a huge, open, round room with a vaulting ceiling arching high overhead. Daniel was standing at the console, his palm on another one of those black spaces like on the other panel, his head down, eyes closed. 

Suddenly his head snapped up, his blue eyes awash with relief and deep guilt. 

"It's okay. I stopped it. We got here in time to stop it. He's still with us, Jack." 

Jack barely had time to register the relief that little piece of information brought him before he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Something over to the side was rising, going up into the air. 

He turned. To see a long rectangular slab covered with lights and other ominous and unidentifyible stuff all over it lifting up from the rectangular metallic table it had been hovering over. As the slab cleared the table on its way back up to wherever it was going it revealed the still, white form supine upon it. Bathed in a harsh yellow light that only emphasized the terrible inertness of the body lying there. 

"Danny! Oh my god! Danny!" 

Jack had no idea how he got to his side, only that he was trying to gather him into his arms, but it was difficult because he was so limp and he just kept – falling - through his grasp. Like he had no bones and no life even though he was still warm and still breathing. No response, no answer to his desperate entreaties. No flicker of life or recognition when he called his name and tried to tell him that it was all right now, he was here. 

_ …don't do this to me Danny, don't punish me like this I'm sorry I didn't know. Got here as soon as I could it's okay, you can wake up now… _

A hand on his shoulder, cutting through the shock and guilt. Daniel. 

"He can't answer you, Jack." Daniel said softly. "We got here in time to stop the program from beginning the termination cycle, but the encoding process was almost complete. Most of Daniel is gone. Absorbed by the machine. His body is alive, but he's gone. But don't worry. I was prepared for this. I know what to do. I promised you I would get your friend back. Don't make promises I don't intend to keep." 

As Jack continued to hold Danny Daniel drew up close behind him, putting both his hands on his shoulders. He spoke in a soft, low voice, close to his ear. 

"I tried to access the file containing Daniel's encoded memory engrams, but it's locked. I don't know the access code. Probably only the makers themselves can access those files. More security. That means I'm not going to be able to download the engrams back into Daniel's mind from that source. But there is another one." 

Daniel's hands moved around, clasping the tops of his shoulders, squeezing them tightly. Jack could feel a slight tremor in the hands upon him. Something was constricting his chest. Drawing a breath was becoming an effort. 

"Listen to me carefully, Jack." Daniel was speaking again "When it's over, take Daniel back to the oval on the floor where we were standing when we got here. I've already programmed the travel ray to take you both back to the Stargate. 

"The system is set up to activate the gate as soon as you get there. I disabled the iris before we left. It can't be closed again until you return, but will go back on line as soon as you shut the gate down once you're home. When you're safely through, the screen will go back up. But not till you're safe. Can't very well bring you here without making sure you both get home, now can I?" 

The hands embracing him clutched him tightly. Daniel's head fell on his shoulder. 

"Why are you telling me this?" Jack heard himself saying. His voice sounded scared. 

"You know why," Daniel whispered. "Funny. All of a sudden, I'm afraid…" 

The bands around Jack's chest were moving up to his throat. Suddenly he wanted to turn to Daniel but to do that he would've had to let go of Danny and he couldn't… 

Daniel was saying something, very quietly, but his jacket swallowed up the sounds. Finally, Daniel's head came up again, slowly. A pair of lips brushed feather-light on his cheek as Daniel's voice sounded, once again, close to his ear. 

"Dear Jack. Remember me…" 

Daniel drew away and walked slowly around to the other side of the table. Every step he took farther away from him drove a nail of fear into Jack's heart. 

At last Daniel stood directly across from him on the other side of the table, Danny's limp body between them. Jack looked into level blue eyes calm and ready for what had to come next. 

"Give him to me, Jack," he said firmly. 

Wordlessly, Jack let Daniel take Danny into his arms. Jack stood there, his own arms now empty, feeling hopelessly bereft. 

"Jack," Daniel was still looking at him, compelling him to listen and obey with the force of his strength and determination. "Daniel's clothing and equipment were encoded and stored in a separate file I was able to access. I reintegrated them. You'll find them on the far side of the console. I want you to go over there and get them. Now. Take your time. As a matter of fact, stay over there – until it is finished." 

"No – " Jack started to protest but Daniel stopped him with a shake of his head. 

"No. You don't want to see this, Jack. You don't want to watch me…" 

He was right. Daniel was right. God – he was such a coward… 

"This won't take long. Only a couple of minutes. Putting back is easier than taking out. When it's over, he'll be fine. He'll suffer a few residual physical effects from the experience, but the process itself, while not pleasant, does not inflict any actual damage to the organic structures. He'll have a hell of a headache for awhile, but he'll be fine. I promise." 

"Thank you." Dumb. That sounded so dumb. He didn't know what to say. There was so much he should say – but there was just – nothing. 

Daniel smiled warmly at him, one last time. "You're welcome. Now, go on. Go get Daniel's clothes. You know he's going to want them when he wakes up. Go on, and don't look back. Good-bye, Jack." 

Jack made himself turn around and start to walk away. When he reached the console, he shot one look over his shoulder. Daniel had laid Danny's body back down on the table, and was leaning over him, his hands on Danny's temples. Jack pulled his head back around, away from the sight and forced himself to continue rounding the console. 

He found the pile of clothing and equipment as Daniel had promised. Scooping up Danny's uniform he crushed it to his chest and let himself fall to the ground, where he just sat, his face buried in the cloth in his arms, waiting. Waiting for it to be over. 

The minutes stretched onward. Jack wasn't sure how he was to know when it was finished, and then he heard a sound that echoed like a knell in the silence of the vast chamber. Something slumping, falling to the ground, making a soft impact as it hit - the loudest, most terrible sound he had ever heard. On the heels of it came another sound - rather a series of sounds - causing him to leap to his feet and rush back to the table and the man who was on it. 

"Ahhh – my head! Where the hell am I? Wait a minute – WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES??? 

Jack reached his friend who had started to try and push himself up from the table, catching him as he began to fall weakly back onto it. Danny emitted a soft sound of surprise as the arms around him tightened almost to the point of forcing all the air out of his body and not letting any more back in. 

"Jack," he gasped. "What's going on? I feel like crap. Whoa! Room spinning…" 

"It's okay, Danny," Jack replied in a voice thick with emotion. "You got a little lost, but we found you. I'm going to take you back now." 

"We?" Daniel's inner confusion was plain in his voice. "Just for a moment…waking up… someone else….here… where..." he broke off and turned to the other side of the table, looking over to where – 

"No!" Jack reached around and grabbed the back of his head, turning it away from the sight he shouldn't see. "Don't. Don't look. Come on. Let me help you. We'll get you dressed and then get the hell out of here." 

_ Good-bye Daniel. I'll never forget you. I promise… _


	3. Doppelganger

Daniel sat silently, the tin cup he was holding imparting a faint warming sensation to his chilled hands. It was very dark, cold and quiet up here. Very cold. Even the fire wasn't helping much. But it was also very far from everything familiar. Which was exactly where Jack needed to be at the moment. Very, very far away from all of it.  
Daniel took a sip of his rapidly cooling coffee and looked at the man sitting a few feet away from him. Not moving. Not speaking. Just sitting. Staring. Pretty much all he had been doing ever since they'd come back. 

One unexpected benefit had come of all of this. Namely the new understanding Daniel had arrived at with General Hammond. They hadn't exactly started out on the best of terms and at least from Daniel's side of the table, things hadn't gotten much better. 

It wasn't due to anything specific the General had ever said or done. Daniel simply never really felt as if the man – approved of him. Just a feeling he got. Maybe he was being unfairly paranoid, but as a rule, George made him nervous. 

Certainly the reception awaiting them when they'd returned through the gate had been less than cordial. The General had been furious, Jack had been ominously silent, he'd been confused and almost out on his feet. He'd had no idea where they'd been, how they'd gotten there – what they were doing there. His head was splitting, and all the information contained within was whirling around in it like his brain was a blender. By the time Jack got him to the infirmary he was pretty much out of it, and apparently had slept for the next twelve hours straight. 

When he woke up he found Jack sitting by his side. In pretty much the same condition he was right now. Which really hadn't surprised Daniel all that much, because while he'd been sleeping, things had sorted themselves out. 

His slumber had been possessed by a series of extremely vivid dreams during which he relived, in great detail, what had happened to him from the moment he'd come into being as an exact duplicate of Daniel Jackson until the moment he had – died. 

His brother's gift of life to him had included memories of a span of time he'd never actually lived to replace the nightmare he'd really experienced. He'd been spared all those terrible memories, now residing in the machine along with everything else stolen from him. Daniel found himself profoundly grateful he could remember nothing of the lost day as HE had lived it. To recall it from the perspective of knowing about it was bad enough. 

Mind you, he had been given a LOT more than memories. There had been all that KNOWLEDGE as well. Everything his brother had known about the computer complex, everything he knew as a result of being what he was; for awhile it had been in there and he'd been able to recall all of it. 

But it seemed to be fading now, probably because the human mind wasn't designed to be able to consciously process such an overwhelming glut of information not gained through direct experiential familiarity. Or maybe it was just too much for the mind to hold on to, so it let it go. 

Whichever it was, because of this experience Daniel found he had a new empathy for a couple of his teammates. If what Jack had gone through when he'd had the knowledge of the Ancients downloaded into his brain had been anything like what had been in his own head – Jack had done very, very well. And if this is what it felt like to have to live with another's thoughts, feelings and memories co-existing with your own, he had some idea now of what having Jolinar's memories in her head was like for Samantha. Ah – Sam. 

Which reminded him of something else. Something he was going to have to attend to rather soon. As talented as Willis was with her lips, he really was going to have to set her straight. 

What an amazing man he'd been, this brief brother. So much like him and yet – so not. How he had cherished the life he had so briefly tasted, each bittersweet drop so savored and embraced. How humanly he'd desired to live it and dared to enjoy it, even while knowing the cost of each sweet second of it was another's pain. 

He'd unashamedly taken as much as he dared. He knew it was wrong. He'd done so, hoping the one he had wronged would not think too harshly of him because of it. Would forgive him in light of the fact he had done the right thing – in the end. 

He'd been right. Daniel found he did not begrudge him his day. He was grateful to him for returning his life. He was grateful to him to him for what he'd tried to do for Jack, in the way he had died. And as he really had no memory at all of the other stuff, well… 

However, when he'd awakened and seen Jack, just sitting there staring, seen the worried faces of Janet, the General and Sam and Teal'c, he knew exactly what was wrong. All he had to do was remember the look on Jack's face as he'd turned away from his brother for the last time… 

When Jack saw he was awake he turned to Janet and spoke one sentence. "I want to go to sleep." They'd helped Jack into a bed, and he had promptly done just that. At which point Daniel had climbed out of the bed he'd been occupying and informed the General he was ready to tell him everything. 

Which he had. Very slowly, very carefully, at great length and great personal cost. They sat in George's office, Daniel had just – talked, and he watched the General's face get graver and graver with each word. 

Daniel wasn't sure when it happened, but somehow during that confession an understanding developed between them. Daniel had desperately wanted the whole thing to be treated a certain way, and was not at all certain how to try and ask this of the General. 

He was quite surprised when the General said to him – "Dr Jackson, would I be wrong in assuming you would not be opposed to the notion of keeping most of this – off the record?" 

Oh no, George, you wouldn't be wrong about that at all! 

So they'd both agreed – to come up with another story. And to keep the real one to themselves. Would have been almost fun. Colluding with the General. Except for the fact someone else who knew the truth was still suffering. 

Seeing the first bit going so well Daniel decided to grab the bull by the horns and ask George for the other thing he wanted. 

This asking for stuff really wasn't all that hard. Certainly made it a lot easier to get what you wanted. Would have to try doing it a bit more often. 

George had conceded Daniel's plan for Jack did seem to be a good idea, but had talked with the doctors first before giving him the green light. Approval finally given Daniel loaded Jack's truck up with gear, packed up Jack and headed for the middle of nowhere. 

Which was pretty much where they were at the moment. In more ways than one. 

Jack had submitted to the whole process with indifferent cooperation. Not a word during the drive. No comment when they stopped. Not a sound while he watched Daniel pitch the tent and gather wood for the fire. Hadn't eaten anything either. That was usually HIS favorite trick. 

Daniel put the cup down and drew the sleeping bag he'd wrapped around himself in a little tighter. Getting very cold. Jack must be freezing, sitting there in that thin jacket. Good excuse as any to try and close the gap. 

Daniel got to his feet and crossed over to Jack. Jack actually turned and looked at him as he approached, 'mantle' trailing behind him. That was encouraging. Hidden by his covering, Daniel covertly patted his side pocket. Secret weapon. Just in case… 

Daniel sank down close to Jack's side, settling his arm around his shoulders, drawing him into the warm shelter of the sleeping bag. Jack's only acknowledgement of his presence was an almost absent placement of his hand upon the hand on his shoulder. It was a start. 

Daniel just sat there with him, for a long time. Not saying anything. Not moving. Just being there. It was hard to tell exactly when it started happening, but Jack gradually started to thaw. Melting, molding into the man beside him. Letting go and letting him hold him up. Almost ready for words. 

"That offer I made to you on the drive over to the mountain still stands," Daniel began quietly. "Anything you want to know \- all you have to do is ask." 

The man leaning on him trembled slightly. "How do you know about that?" His voice was barely a whisper. 

"Because I'm not gone. I'm here. We're both here." 

"No. He died. He died alone. He was my friend – he was you and I just – abandoned him. I should have been there for him – shouldn't have died… alone… shouldn't have been left there – alone… left behind like he was…nothing…" 

"Jack, listen to me," Daniel soothed. "He wasn't alone. He was with me. He was me – is me. He wasn't left behind. He's here. Sitting right beside you. What we walked away from was only a shell. Everything he was that mattered we brought home with us. 

"He wanted me to tell you something. To make sure you understood. Everything he did – he did deliberately. Knowing full well what would come of every choice he made. Even the choice to live – knowing it would mean he HAD to die. 

"He could have brought you to me sooner. Maybe you could've saved me before it had gone too far – before it was necessary for him to have – done what he did. He knew that. Knew the sooner he acted, the better the chance both of us could've made it. 

"But if he had, there would have been no place for him here after I was saved. I would've come back to my life, and he'd have had to stay behind. Without ever having had a chance to be with the people he loved. He'd have been alive, but it would've been a life without those things and those people which most gave it meaning for him. 

"So, he made a choice, Jack. A very deliberate choice. He chose one day of life. One day which he lived to the fullest in the way that made him the happiest. Being with the people he loved. Loved, Jack. Loved enough to want to live one single day for, and enough to be willing to surrender that life for. 

"He did it willingly, without regret, knowing exactly what the price for every moment would be. He died as deliberately as he chose to live, and in doing so, gave all he had lived, been and done in that day - to me. 

"I don't begrudge him that day, Jack. I don't even mind knowing what happened to me during that time. My body might have suffered some effects from it, but I have no memory of it. Thanks to him, I never even lived it! I know it happened, but it doesn't matter. In its place I have – him. Letting him live those few short hours in my shoes – well, from what I can see, he did a pretty fine job as my proxy. I'm glad he was, for that brief space of time. Because he was, I am richer. And so, my friend, are all of you. 

"Everything he did, he did for love, Jack. Even sending you away from him at the end. That most of all. Don't dishonour that love with unnecessary and unwanted guilt. He doesn't require it of you. He certainly wouldn't be happy to see you like this. I'm being completely straight with you right now \- when you did as he asked you, when you walked away from him in the end, you made him very happy. It was what he wanted most from you. The final gift. You did it. You gave it. You did good." 

Jack's head had fallen forward, resting on his bent knees. "Is that the truth?" he said in a slightly loud and belligerent voice. "I swear, if you're shitting me about this…" 

Daniel laughed. "You'll what – kill me? It's been tried before. I'm still here. So are you. That's pretty much all that matters, when you get down to it, don't you think. If he was here he'd kick your butt around the block for this and you know it. Come to think of it – he is here. Whaddya say, O'Neill, want your butt kicked?" 

Jack snorted. "As if! You'd have a better chance of getting Teal'c to wear a dress than being able to kick MY butt, Trench Boy. 

Daniel nudged him with his knee, playfully but not gently. "My, there's an image to ponder during many a sleepless night. Think you're pretty tough, don't you? Well, I'm pretty tough too. After all, I've had to put up with you for the past two years. Yeah, I'm tough." 

"Please," Jack groaned. "I've seen you fight." 

"That may be so, but do you know anyone who can talk their way out of one better than me?" 

Jack chuckled. "If they held a heavyweight championship fight for rhetoric you'd win hands down." 

Daniel gave Jack's shoulders a warm squeeze. "So what do you think, my friend, have we postured enough?" 

Jack nodded and sat back up. "Yeah, I think so." 

"Good. Well, I feel like celebrating." He reached into his pocket, pulled out two spoons and handed one to Jack. 

Jack looked at the object in his hand and then at the man sitting beside him. "What's with the spoon?" 

Barely able to suppress his grin, Daniel withdrew the third object in his pocket. "Care to split a jar of Mayonnaise with me? 

"No – now wait a minute, Jack. Just let's – ow! Let go! Ow! Geez, watch the neck. Oh – not the hair. Why is it always the hair… JACK!!! Jack! That's MAYONNAISE! Don't even think about it… JAAAACCCKKK!!!" 

~*~ Epilogue ~*~

Okay – what the hell was this? 

The second the flash of light released them Jack felt himself instinctively sink into a crouched, defensive stance, his MP-5 already up and at the ready. He couldn't see the rest of his team as they had been slightly behind him, but was sure they were doing much the same thing. Taut, poised, ready for action, checking for signs of danger. 

Needed to be sure just the same. 

"Sam? Teal'c? Daniel?" 

God. He'd done it again. When was he going to stop – checking for him, looking for him, calling his name. Expecting an answer? 

Daniel was dead. Six months ago, in the corridor of Aphophis' ship. Died in his arms - half his chest blown away by the staff blast. All his fault for leaving him there – alone. Would have gone up on the ship with him if Bra'tac hadn't come back, clubbed him and carried him away. 

Daniel was dead. It had been six whole months and he still didn't believe it. 

Enough of this, focus, they were in a jam here. Sam and Teal'c had heard him do it again, probably knew he'd gone off on them for awhile, but they needed him back here now. 

Cause wherever they were now, it sure wasn't where they used-to-have-been… 

Before the light they had been heading down the main street of a deserted old west ghost town on D8K-287. After the zap they were standing in a large room looking very much as if it would do fine as a set for 'Forbidden Planet.' 

They'd been here at least a couple of minutes and nothing had happened. The lights were on, but nobody seemed to be home. 

"I got no movement this way," Jack pivoted back slightly to address the pair behind him. "How about you two?" 

"Don't see anyone this way," Carter returned. "There doesn't seem to be anyone here. Wherever 'here' is." 

"Ah, Colonel O'Neill, Captain Carter, Teal'c! So pleased to meet you!" 

The booming, baritone, slightly accented voice sounded directly in front of him. Where there'd clearly been nobody only a second ago. 

"JE-sus!" Jack cried as he swung around, leveling the muzzle of his weapon where he gauged the middle of the man's chest should be. 

To be met by a slightly amused pair of rather arresting grey eyes belonging to an equally striking individual standing directly in front of him. Way too close to him. 

Even though he was the one with the gun and therefore ostensibly in control of the situation Jack found himself strangely intimidated by the presence and proximity of the man. Keeping the weapon aimed at his chest, Jack took a couple of steps back, almost banging into Teal'c, who had drawn up close behind him. 

The man who had seemingly come out of nowhere was in a nutshell – quite a sight. A tall, large man, with a wide, well-muscled frame, whose general bearing and appearance practically screamed 'virile' at you. Impossible to tell how old he was, somewhere between 30 and who knew what the top end was, because even though the face seemed fairly unlined and ageless, the eyes said 'fonts of wisdom and experience'. Those were the kind of eyes you just didn't get until life had had enough time to kick you around, just a little. 

The closely trimmed white beard and the silver hair restrained in a very long braid hanging down his back didn't make playing the age game any easier. His attire pretty much completed his 'going for out-to-cut-a-definite-figure' look. An all-black, one piece, tailored jumpsuit without any markings, insignia, badges or piping on it to identify it as a uniform, but it struck you as one all the same. The floor-length black cape not only had the effect of adding to the 'uniform' impression, but was a rather nice touch to boot. 

The stranger's striking face wore a large, warm, completely disarming smile. This guy had been around some. More than sure of himself? Crap – he had enough charisma for a regiment! 

"You may keep your weapon pointed at me if it makes you feel any better, but I assure you, you will not need it. I must apologize for the rather unceremonious way of bringing all of you here, but I am sure once you see why, you will forgive me my presumption." 

Jack didn't lower his weapon. He had a strong feeling he could trust this man, but he hadn't heard enough yet to give into it. 

"We're listening. So talk." 

The man laughed. Heartily. "Ah, Jack – can I call you Jack, that's good – you are everything he thinks you are. And more. Very well, Jack, here it is. Back home we got a signal this place was not only here, but suddenly operational. Imagine that! After all this time. Came as a bit of a shock, I don't mind telling you. 

"Anyway, I wasn't really doing anything special so I got the job of coming here and shutting it down. However, when I got here, I found a little more than I bargained for. An additional problem that had to be taken care of. Administrative burdens. Such a nuisance! Know what I mean? I hate paperwork and would rather not get tied up in any more of it. That's where you come in. 

"I need all of you to do me a favor. Take a little something off my hands. I know it's a lot to ask folks I've barely even met but believe me, you'll be really helping me out and once you see what it is – I think you'll actually thank me." 

"You brought us here – to help you?" Jack began suspiciously. "No tricks, no traps all you want is for us to do a 'personal favor' for someone we don't know from Adam? Now, why would we want to do that?" 

The silver-haired man affected a stricken look. "Jack! You doubt me! I'm wounded to the core! I hope you won't be offended if I say you have an overly suspicious mind!" 

Jack grinned tightly at him. "It's the life I lead." Crap. He was really liking this guy's style, and he didn't want to. 

Their host shook his head. "Very well, I guess I am just going to have to show you. If it's the only way you'll be convinced I really am your friend." He gestured behind him, to a long table across the room about fifty feet away. There was an extremely enigmatic look on his face as he said, "What I want you to take with you is lying on that table. Go on. Take a look." 

"Carter, Teal'c – go check it out." Jack instructed them, never taking his eyes off those of the man before him. "I'll stay here and keep an eye on the Silver Fox here." 

As the pair began to walk toward the table their host laughed again. "Silver Fox! That's really good! Will have to remember it. It'll crack Percy up for sure!" 

"I must say it took a bit of looking to find you, but I'm sure the effort will be worth it. You understand my problem. I had to find a reality almost identical to this one – except he wasn't in it anymore. But used to be – in the same way he is here. That's not as common an occurrence as you might think, Jack. But had to make the effort for his sake. Too much of a divergence from this one and it would have necessitated too much – rewriting. Might have destabilized the personality matrix. Your reality isn't exactly the same as this one, but it's very, very close. There are some interesting - differences - but I've made allowances for them. A little 'tweaking' won't do any harm. He'll accept them without any problems, you don't need to worry about that, Jack." 

Wow! This guy had just made a right turn and headed straight into the twilight zone. What was going on over there? What the hell was up with Carter? Was she – crying?? 

_ Carter is DEFINITELY crying, Teal'c looks like he's in shock, nobody's answering and Foxie looks like the cat who has just swallowed the canary. What are they looking at? _

"Why don't you go over and see for yourself, Jack?" 

Jack shrugged and started to walk toward his teammates to see what all the fuss was about, the man who had brought them here following close behind him. 

It wasn't possible – couldn't be. Daniel… 

Sam and Teal'c were forgotten, all Jack could see was the man on the table. The man he had last seen lying limply in his arms, his chest an open, gory horror, his blue eyes wide and staring in death… 

_ He was here – whole, breathing – god he's BREATHING he's alive looks like he's just… asleep oh God! How is this possible… _

Jack's hand was shaking as he reached out, almost afraid to and yet unable to resist the urge to touch… 

…hair, still as soft as he remembered…it had been such a long time… 

Jack choked down a sob, pulled his hand back and balled it into a fist, rounding on the night-clad man behind him. 

"If this is some sort of sick joke or a trick I swear to God you're a dead man!" 

His anger was instantly arrested by the sudden, deeply compassionate look in the grey eyes that did not flinch from his need for the truth. 

"No trick, Jack. No joke. Everything is exactly as it appears. This is Daniel, and he is very much alive." 

"How?" Jack found he could barely speak, this throat was so thick. 

The man addressed crossed quickly to him, throwing a companionable arm around his shoulders, pulling him into a stroll away from the table and the others. Jack went with him reluctantly, looking over his shoulder at the man on the table, unwilling to lose sight of him lest he suddenly vanish as miraculously as he had appeared. 

"Ah, um, wow – you WOULD have to ask me that. Gotta tell you, Jack, it's an AWFULLY long story. Don't want to bore you with all the piddley little details, you've probably got a million better things to do with your time now in light of this new development – so I'll try to keep it as brief as possible. 

"Gonna have to give you a little backstory first. Sorry about that, can't be helped. You see, once upon a time there was this race of beings who were very, very, smart. They progressed to a state of technological advancement gaving them powers that still haven't been matched by any race existing since them. Their technology gave them – dare I say it – practically god-like abilities. Certainly the power over life and death. Most specifically, the creation of life itself. 

"This would have a good thing except for all their accomplishments these beings were cold, arrogant and completely heartless. They believed their god-like power made them better than everyone else and entitled them to use the universe and everyone in it exactly as they pleased. Which they proceeded to do, unopposed and with complete impunity. For a time. 

"They built places like this one. A whole lot of them. These complexes were commissioned and used as centres for the capture and duplication of the members of whatever sentient species interesting the makers at the time. The duplicates were sent out as spies. To infiltrate, gather information and finally, subvert and conquer from within. 

"Their primary initial function was the gathering of intelligence about and the in-depth study of the 'irrational emotional weaknesses' of the subject species as a first step to formulating invasion and disposition plans. Figure out the best way to subjugate the target by finding out what made him tick walking literally in his shoes and then using that information against him. Very covert, very clean, very cowardly. 

"They had very few scruples about the way it was done. The beings they duplicated and disposed of meant less to them than a bug one would accidentally step on. They were cruel, they were corrupt, they took an arrogant pleasure in the harm they were able to inflict. They deserved everything they got. 

"Only problem was – they made their doubles a little too well. They were contemptuous of the emotional and ethical traits they intended their duplicates learn from those they thought themselves better than, seeing these traits as signs of weakness and inferiority. They didn't understand what was happening until it was all over but the singing. 

"Tell me something Jack, if someone was to make an exact duplicate of you – I mean exact – everything you think, feel, know, believe – and then told it to go back to your base and spy on it for them – what do you think this 'other you' \- would do?" 

"Tell those guys to shove it and then bring back a regiment or ten and burn this place to the ground." 

"Very good, Jack! Got it in one! That's pretty much what happened. As soon as the duplicates learned what they had been sent to learn – in short, developed a moral sense – they threw off their programming and were - quite revolting. As far as the makers were concerned, at any rate. Didn't even see what hit them. Arrogance caused them to create their own downfall in the first place, and arrogance prevented them from believing it was even happening until it was much too late to do anything about it. 

"The duplicates took over, destroyed all of the complexes except the one on the homeworld – which was substantially modified with all harmful elements removed and put to a much different use than it was originally designed for but that really doesn't concern you - and apparently this one - we're still trying to figure out how THAT happened! All I know is somebody is going to get a talking to when we figure it out – but getting back to the story - after we had blown everything up we made sure the remaining makers were put somewhere safe so they wouldn't be tempted to pull this sort of crap any more. They didn't really do well being faced with the fact they weren't nearly as shit-hot as they thought they were and as a result were only an issue for a couple of hundred years, after which they pretty much all died out. 

"Oh dear," Foxie grinned at him. "Slip of the tongue. How careless of me! If you caught it you must have figured it out. Yes, I am one of those 'duplicates.' There are quite a few of us, actually. We come in all sorts of different shapes and sizes. The makers were quite busy for awhile, until we put a stop to all of it. 

"When it was all over, a bunch of us got together and had a kinda 'what next' summit. You see, we had to deal with some inherent problems with being what we are. Virtually indestructible and therefore by default – immortal. The territory comes with certain inbuilt angst and boredom issues I won't trouble you with, suffice it to say the solution we came up with was to all band together to do something constructive with our free time. Make a contribution. We had the homeworld, all that technology and lots of time on our hands so we've been putting it all to good use. Keeping an eye on things, helping out, that sort of thing. It's a living. Beats needlepoint. Trust me on this. 

"But now I guess I should get to the part most directly concerning you and your friend over there. Somehow while we were mopping up – this place got missed. It must have been just built and still off-line when we took out all the others. Bad enough it was sitting here idle for who knows how long where anybody could have come along and – started messing with it - but somehow, it got turned on recently, you know how technology is, great when it works right, pain in the ass when it doesn't – anyway, SG-1 – the SG-1 of THIS reality – came here for a short visit and Daniel – they have a Daniel here, he survived the incident that killed yours, dragged himself to the sarcophagus after his team left him, got out healed, made it to the Stargate and dialed himself out to the Alpha Site – all by himself imagine that, the plucky little bugger – he's quite a pistol isn't he – Daniel got himself grabbed and duplicated and SG-1 left him behind and went home with the duplicate. 

"Howya doing? With me so far? The duplicate, bless him, didn't want to go along with the plan any more than the rest of us did way back when, so he brought Jack – this Jack – back with him to rescue their original Daniel. Which they did, but the duplicate had to sacrifice himself in the process. Which he did. Very sad, but unavoidable. Jack took the original back and left the empty here. Great stuff, isn't this – really inspiring! I was pretty impressed with the whole thing after I got here and found the poor guy lying here and went into the logs and files and got the whole story. 

"So here I was, with a perfectly good duplicate body with no mind in it, and a perfectly good personality file extracted from the original just sitting in the system gathering dust. I hate waste, don't you? So, what do you think I did? 

"But then, I had a problem. Reanimating duplicate was no problem. Nothing could be simpler. Download file into body – ta-dah! He's back in business! But once I did, what was I going to do with him? He would wake up, thinking he was the original Daniel of this reality. Not the duplicate, the First Edition. Flesh and blood guy, the real deal, not a clue he's a Xerox. Cause he now has the original's mind in him you understand. As soon as he woke up, he would want to go home. Well – wouldn't you? But he can't. This universe already has a Daniel. No place here for my poor new brave friend! So, you see my problem. I have this perfectly good Daniel, factory fresh, low-mileage, hardly been used – and nowhere to put him! Talk about your conundrums! 

That's when I got this positively BRILLIANT idea - here you guys are and what do you say, are you interested in helping me out here? Giving Daniel a home when he wakes up? Which is going to be pretty soon…" 

It took several long seconds before Jack realized Foxie had finally stopped talking and was waiting for a response. 

"What – are you kidding me? He's a duplicate – but he's still, really – Daniel…" 

"In every way that matters. He possesses the complete personality, memory and experiential record of the original Daniel of this reality. Even though what he is made of isn't flesh and blood, it looks and acts like it all the same. I guarantee you he can go through every medical test ever devised and pass them with flying colours. All normal bodily functions – function normally. Completely normally. I've disabled the subroutine that would enable the duplicate to 'turn off' the physiological response to chemical or biological stimulus. Anything he ingests or has introduced into his system will affect him the same way it affects you. Heck, he'll even get a cold if he comes into contact with the bug. He might not have been born the same way you or I – well, at least YOU, anyway - but he is still every bit as human and real as you are. He'll laugh, cry, feel pain, hunger, get tired, sleep – he's not a 'machine'. He's a man. If you cut him, he'll bleed real blood. 

"There is only one important difference. He's got a better warranty. The regenerative capacity of the duplicate body is rather \- astonishing. He can be hurt, but he can't be killed. There isn't any type of injury that can't be handled either by the body itself, or the equipment we have on the homeworld. Think of it this way, Jack. Not only will you have him back, but you'll NEVER have to worry about losing him – ever again." 

"But – how can we – we can't just go back to base and say, "Oh by the way, look what followed us home can we keep him?" 

Foxie laughed. "Way ahead of you, Jack. I've been doing this sort of thing for a long time, trust me. I've already adjusted Daniel's memory matrix accordingly, so as far as he is concerned this has already happened. 

"This is what you say. Daniel did NOT die on the ship. You only thought he was dead. Once you were gone, didn't the little bugger do the sarcophagus thing, like the Daniel of this reality. Hey, why not? We know it worked once! Only instead of dialing the alpha site, he was a bit rushed and misdialed. He ended up here, got grabbed and stuck in cold storage, and this has been where he has been for the last six months. 

"Until today, when you managed to find him, through some rather extraordinary luck. Stargate hiccuped and brought you here, you were attacked, defended yourself and killed all the bad guys – don't worry, your weapons will show evidence of having been fired and most of your ammo is gone – don't ask – you wouldn't understand it anyway. 

"Once the smoke had cleared you took a little look around and found Daniel. Carter figured out how to get him out of the machine, he told you how he had come to be here, you all head for home lickety split because all of a sudden the place is about to go up around you. Which will be the truth, after the fact. Once you leave here I am going to level this dump. Trust me. So what do you think? It'll fly. Pretty sure of it." 

"Yes," Jack said softly. "It will. It really will. But you said Daniel thinks he is the original. Shouldn't he – be told…" 

"Plenty of time for that, Jack. I figure for the moment he has more than earned the right to a normal, full life with the people he loves. As long as all of you stick to the story and keep mum about – the truth - that's what he'll have. And you'll all get to have it with him. But don't worry, we'll be keeping an eye on him. We'll bring him into the loop, in the fullness of time. We look after our own. I'm sure you can understand that." 

"Yes. I can," Jack replied, "I – I don't know what to say. I don't know how to thank you." 

The dark-clad man gave his shoulders a warm squeeze, then withdrew his arm and gave him a push back toward the others. 

"Look after him. Look after yourselves. Live well and be happy. That's all the thanks I need. Now go on, ya big lug. Take your friend home already." He gestured and a curtain of shimmering light appeared in the air. "Step through and you'll be back where you started in your own reality. Take care, Jack." 

Jack turned around. The room behind him was empty. But the room before him held everything he wanted. Whatever reality he happened to be in. 

He stood once more at Daniel's side. As he put a hand on his cheek, Daniel's eyes opened. At first they were filled with confusion and fear, but then grew calm with quiet trust as they focussed on him. 

"Jack," he said softly. "You came for me…" 

Jack found he had no words as he met the embrace reaching out to him. Feeling Daniel's arms around him, holding the man he never thought he would ever touch again, Jack crushed Daniel tightly in his arms, buried his head in his shoulder and unashamedly wept. 

Mind you, he didn't feel particularly self-conscious about it because at that particular moment there wasn't a dry eye in the house… 

The silver haired man wiped his eyes as he watched the dimensional curtain wink out of sight. God, he LOVED happy endings. Moments like this definitely made the whole thing worth while. Another job well done. Well, almost done, anyway. He still had to blow this place to smithereens. 

He was just about to get to it when his cranial comm circuit beeped, notifying him he had an incoming call. Probably Percy, nagging him to get finished. The guy was such a krimblat… 

"What do you want, Percy?" 

"What are you doing still there? No time at all you said. Straight demolition job you said. In and out again you said. What are you up to this time, Merlin?" 

"Don't get your shorts in a knot. There was a little something unexpected here, is all. Got here and found the joint had already made a collection. Don't that just beat all. Not to worry, the original got away okay. I'm sending you the files. Don't forget to archive them properly, huh Perce? 

"Don't tell me how to do my job! Geez, you guys out in the field think you know everything." 

"I'm pretty much outta here now. All I have to do is to push the button and go." 

"Well that's good, because I need you in Sector 456-G like yesterday. Mory has gone and pissed off the natives again. Needs a little back-up." 

"Bailout you mean. Geez, when is that guy ever going to learn, we're out there to fix worlds, not try to take them over. Listen, Percy, you know how much I hate working with him, can't you send someone else?" 

"Sorry Merlin, my hands are tied. Art and Gwen have taken some personal time; Larry, Haddy and Tris are still out in the field. Wolf's squad is tied up with that business on Gara – I got teams all over the known universe who don't think I need to know where they are half the time. The rest of the first string are all in deep undercover positions and haven't reported in over a decade. I haven't got any more human operatives to spare. You, my friend, are it." 

"Sure, bet you say that to all the suckers. Okay, Percy, on my way. I'll get you for this though, count on it!" 

"Shakin' in my boots, Merlin. Later. Out." 

Shaking his head, Merlin smiled wryly, looking where the curtain had been. 

"Good luck to you, Daniel Jackson. Live well. Both of you." 

He reached down, pushed the self-destruct button. "Hasta la vista, baby, " he said as he smiled and disappeared. 

FINIS


	4. Strange Beloved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Alternate SG-1 bring the Doppelganger home.

"I love you."

Stunned beyond words – not moving, staring. Not believing what he was hearing.

He'd turned to see Daniel standing in front of the closed door of his room. Hadn't even heard him come in. They were moments from leaving, about to embark on the more-than-slightly-mad mission to save the Earth that had come about as a result of the stubborn, implacable insistence of the man who was looking at him with the same focussed determination which had caused him to agree to this insanity in the first place.

"I know this is probably the worst time in the world to say this to you," Daniel continued, not a particle of fear or hesitation in his eyes or in his voice. "But we both know what we are about to do, and what it could mean. Worst time or not, it's the only time. One or both of us might die tonight. I won't let that happen, without letting you know. I love you."

Then he was gone. Out the door, down the hall – gone. Without giving him a chance to think, to comprehend, to answer. Without giving him a chance to even know what his answer would have been.

He hadn't known. Not until the moment when he'd heard the terrible cry from the corridor. Heard Daniel scream his name, heard the sounds of gunfire. Then - no sounds at all.

By the time he had reached Daniel the light was already dying in his eyes. It was already too late. No time for words, no time for anything. But to hold what was left, catch Daniel's last breath in his mouth as he kissed him for the first time – and the last. Watching the spark that was Daniel flicker and go out as what was always somehow understood but never before realized became the largest, most important truth his mind could hold.

_ I love you too. _

Too late. Daniel was gone. Never hearing the words. Never knowing. Never understanding he was loved – had always been loved \- the way he had hoped.

It wasn't until he was standing in the gate room, in the midst of the meaningless applause and the shouts of 'hail the conquering heroes', seeing the enormity of his loss echoed in the haunted eyes of his remaining teammates he had remembered – the sarcophagus.

Too late. Too late. He'd saved an entire world at the cost of all of his.

Somehow they had gone on. Banded fiercely together by the power of the love they all still held for the man who was no longer with them, they'd dealt with losing him by going on for him. The three who were left had closed their ranks, suffering no one else to walk with them, allowing no one else to try and replace him. Alone together, apart as one, bonded inseparable and belonging to no one else but each other. Until now.

They had him back. This was all that mattered. Jack knew Sam and Teal'c were as united with him in this as they had been in everything else. The terrible void existing in their midst all these months was filled. Daniel was alive. He was back. No one was ever going to take him from them again. It didn't matter what they had to do - what they had to say. They would have all stood before the last throne of judgement and brazenly lied to the Almighty Himself if that was what it took - to slip this one by him.

Who said you never got a second chance? When there it was, right beside him, just waiting for the last of the red tape to be dealt with. Waiting for him to bring him back where he belonged.

Daniel was sitting in 'his' chair in the infirmary, leaning up against him, his eyes closed, his face pale. He was quiet now, but it was plain from his slumped posture and the weariness weighing down his body he was a long way from recovered from the mental effects of his ordeal in the strange place where he had been given back to them. Jack stood strongly beside his friend, his hand tightening possessively around his shoulders, imparting comfort and claiming at the same time. As soon as Janet got back with his meds and her last minute instructions, he was taking Daniel home.

It hadn't been easy to get here, but they were almost in the clear. Jack realized with no small measure of gratitude he owed this miracle as much to Sam and Teal'c's determination as he did his own. They'd hung together as never before through the daunting gauntlet of officialdom that had been Daniel's rite of passage back into the 'officially sanctioned' world of the living.

Tests and evaluations and debriefings and official inquiry boards, \- they had waded through it all and come out the other side - triumphant. In short – the powers that be – bought it.

As painful as it was to watch the effects of what had been done to Daniel, his evident mental distress only helped to support the story. Hard to deny he was alive, hard to refute the irrefutable medical evidence he was exactly who he appeared to be, even harder to ignore, due to the state he was in, the proof something terrible had happened to him, which further corroborated the 'story'.

Janet finally came bustling back into the room, a warm smile on her face. She pressed a bottle of pills into Jack's hand as she reached his side.

"These are pretty strong, Colonel. Make sure he takes them if he needs them. The headaches shouldn't last much longer. He needs a lot of rest and the environment should as stress-free as possible. Dr McKenzie will get back to me when he has Daniel's first appointment scheduled. I'll let you know. Barring any further problems or complications which I know you will tell me about immediately, I'll expect to see Daniel back here in a week so we can check on his progress."

She leaned down and planted a fond kiss on the top of Daniel's head. Which earned her a shy, wan smile from the man at his side. "It's so good to have you back, Daniel," she told him with soft and warm earnestness. "Take good care of him, sir."

It was so hard to keep his eyes on the road. They kept stealing away from what they were supposed to be looking at, sneaking over to glance covertly at the quiet man sitting slumped in the seat beside him. His head was thrown back against the headrest, his eyes closed, long dark lashes starkly black against his pale skin. Hair so long, so soft, spilling almost wantonly across his forehead…

Jack tore his eyes away from Daniel, locking them back on the road. He tightened his hands on the steering wheel, using the tactile reminder of the hard, unyielding substance composing the object as a focus for anything else but the feelings welling up within him.

Daniel had said, "I love you" those long months ago. His Daniel. He had to remember, for the sake of the man who was with him now; those words had never been spoken between them. For although he was unquestionably 'Daniel' – he wasn't…

Jack looked at him. Couldn't help it. Those words, which he remembered and Daniel now didn't, were the only 'difference' of consequence. In every other way – no difference. No difference… Especially in the way he felt every time he looked at him.

The mere sight of him was enough to release the floodgates of joy. Spontaneous, blossoming, wondrous, consuming happiness burned within him filling him with a ridiculous euphoria, and all Daniel had to do was walk into the room. Just show up.

What made it even more ridiculous was how long it had taken him to clue into what it was.

Hell – he'd been around. He'd been in love before. He'd had his share of relationships. Even been married. Been there, done that, lost the T-shirt in the settlement. No babe in the woods here.

Love was nice, but it was also a hell of a lot of work. As were relationships. Most of the time – a big pain in the butt. Almost always ultimately – disappointing.

Oh, things would start out great. You know, the sparks, the excitement, the curiosity. The whole rollercoaster thing.

First, you can't get enough of each other, and neither of you can do wrong. Then, a little time goes by, you start cooling down a bit, and you start seeing things you never saw before. Probably were always there, you were just too busy looking through the rose coloured glasses to notice.

Yeah, she's great and all, but… The 'buts'. First there's only one or two. That little habit she has of – clicking her fingernails. At first it was cute. Now, it's a little irritating. Funny, you never noticed before, but that thing she does with her hair is a little – strange. The list of 'buts' just keeps getting longer and longer, until you get to the point where it seems the 'buts' are all there are and you wonder what the hell it was you ever saw in her in the first place.

To be fair, by this time she's seeing a few things about you that leave her less than charmed. You don't talk as much. You don't touch as much. The other stuff – well that's pretty much once in a blue moon as well and usually used as a 'reward' or – or a weapon. You start 'negotiating.' Compromising. Trying to placate, appease, satisfy, where once you just enjoyed each other. What once was fun suddenly becomes work.

Hell, he already had a job. Was probably the main reason why he no longer had a wife. Was never very good at moonlighting.

This was 'love' the way Jack O'Neill had come to understand it. Then Daniel Jackson had walked into his life and turned everything he thought he knew about everything upside down and on its ear.

Daniel had scared the crap out of him, right from the beginning. All that animosity, antagonism, bravado – just stupid, dumb fear. Of Daniel – the one person in the world who had never, ever, at any time in his life, ever meant him anything but good. All the people he'd ever known, everything he'd done, he'd never had anyone look at him the way Daniel did. Look at him and see right through him.

Daniel was on to him, right from the very start. No where to go, no where to hide, every time those divine, omniscient blue eyes looked at him he felt this – thrill - quivering deep inside him, like nothing he had ever felt before. Joy. Simple, pure, selfless, complete, consuming, utter – joy.

He'd tried fighting it. Pushing it away by trying to push the cause of it away. Till he figured out how stupid it was. Trying to stop feeling good for the first time in his life just because he didn't understand why he was feeling good was like cutting his nose off to spite his face. As the cliché went.

What made Daniel different from everyone else he'd ever known was the way he saw him as well. Just the way he was – the whole enchilada. No 'buts'. Daniel just was – what he was. Not that he was perfect, he had his quirks, just like everybody else. But they were part of what he was, part of what made him – Daniel. Which was – okay. Hell – more than okay. Daniel was the best. Difficult to explain how that made a difference. But it certainly did.

Sure, they had their differences of opinion. Fought tooth and nail, like cats and dogs, more than once and at great length. But nothing that had ever passed between them had been more than either one of them could handle. Especially after Jack discovered Daniel's secret.

It was like magic to watch, even more incredible to do. Daniel could be wound up tighter than seven Sundays, so cranked he was hopping around the room shooting fire out his butt and all Jack had to do was grab a hold of him and not let go. Sometimes a hand was enough, sometimes it took the application of a little more surface area, but whatever it took, it never failed. All he had to do was touch Daniel long enough and he calmed down. Might take awhile, but it happened. The effect it had on him was pretty satisfying as well.

It was very rare that anybody 'won' one of their arguments. Almost always a draw. But what a blessed stalemate…

Jack had just accepted this extraordinary state of affairs as something 'special' that came with the territory of having Daniel in his life. He never questioned it, never doubted it, never examined it. It just was what it was, it made him feel good, and it filled him in ways he had never experienced with anyone else.

It also made it quite unnecessary for him to look for anything else.

During the long bitter months following Daniel's death Jack realized there were two reasons why he'd never seen it for what it was until too late.

The first reason was obvious. Hard to miss the fact Daniel was a man. So was he for that matter. What he believed himself to be placed how he saw things within certain parameters that hitherto hadn't allowed him to think – outside the lines. To allow for certain other possibilities. Not that he was terribly averse to the idea, just had never occurred to him before that it would ever be… necessary.

The other thing that had caused him to 'miss it' was his mistaken notion he had ever really been in love or even knew what love was. He'd engaged in something purporting to pass for it, which was mostly a complicated and ultimately futile exercise in 'I'll give you what you want unless I can get what I want from you without too much trouble." Which was mostly about emotionalism fueled by an illusion fed by fear of loneliness and wanting to get a little something from someone who was willing to play the game for a little while. Someone who was, for all the sound and fury, as much of a stranger to him as he was to her. And always stayed that way…

Everything he'd ever done in the name of 'love' had always only ever been about him. Until Daniel.

Daniel was all he thought about. From the very beginning. Sounded silly and impossibly adolescent to admit it to himself so blatantly - but there you are. Who was he, what was he, how could he be so…. What was he thinking, what was he feeling, what could he do to get closer, to understand, to know, to comprehend. What was this, who was this man, what was it about him that was so – compelling? So frightening. So unique.

No Jack in there at all. All Daniel. The more he let go of Jack and all his fears, insecurities and hang-ups and let the space inside that used to be packed tight with 'Jackcrap' be filled up with Daniel the better he felt. The more he wanted to do more. Be. Achieve. Become. For Daniel, and the other people around him. Daniel in his world made it a better place. Daniel inside him – made him a better man.

However, not until the moment he lost him did Jack understand. That joy, that feeling of contentment, that inner well of rightness with all that looked, felt and acted like Daniel - what it had been all along - was love. True, absolute, total, complete, unconditional. The real deal. For the first time in his life, he KNEW what love really was. That he could even for a second have believed he'd known this before…

If he hadn't been lucky enough once to have it without even knowing what the hell he had – he'd just hit the jackpot again.

You don't get second chances. Lightning doesn't strike in the same place twice. Dead is dead and gone is gone. You snooze, you lose.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Someone up there liked him. Who knew, go figure. Daniel was back, and he had him. Not going to throw this second chance away. All he had to do was figure out how to find out how Daniel felt about him.

Hadn't noticed he was looking at him again until he realized with a small shock Daniel's eyes were open, and he was looking back. Those azure eyes swam with a bright something reaching out and wrapping warm, golden bands of affection around his heart. Whatever came down, finding out where Daniel's heart was at was not going to be unpleasant.

"Jack," he said softly, that one word carrying enough melting compulsion to make him want to do something really stupid like – say it back.

"Home sweet home, Daniel," Jack smiled at the man beside him as he turned the Jeep into the drive, pulling in beside Sam's car. Guess she and Teal'c would've had enough time to throw a few things together for the welcome home party. Just the four of them.

Jack turned off the vehicle and jumped out. Daniel didn't move, he was just staring at the house, a strange expression on his face. Puzzled, Jack walked over to the passenger side and opened the door.

"Hey Danny, what's wrong? We're home. Thought you would be glad to see the place."

Daniel looked at him, a confused look haunting his eyes. He held a hand out to Jack, plainly looking to him to help him out. Which he was more than happy to do.

Daniel stood at his side, still looking at the house. "I – I live here? With you? Live here?"

Jack put an arm around him to steady him. "Yeah, you came to stay with me when you had no where to go when you first got here from Abydos and just never – left. Remember - when we came back from Chulak without seeing Sha'uri? You were pretty cut up when Teal'c told us what had happened to her. Which was pretty much to be expected. Not easy to hear your wife had almost been made into a host and then killed by Apophis when the snake rejected her – geez Danny! What's the matter?"

Daniel's legs had started to buckle – he would have fallen if Jack hadn't caught him. His blue eyes were deeply distressed as they looked at him with unbelieving horror.

"Dead? Sha'uri's dead? Dead?"

Shit! This must be one of those 'differences' Merlin had been talking about. Best be gentle here.

Daniel was leaning up against him for support, breathing heavily with distress. Not caring who looked or saw, knowing only the good it would do, Jack began to stroke his cheek soothingly as he said gently, "Easy, Danny. She's been gone for well over a year. Not your fault. We did everything we could. You did everything you could."

"Why did I think – why did I think she was still alive?" Daniel's voice was barely a whisper, but he was calming.

"Brains must have gotten scrambled by those bastards even more than we figured. Doc said it was probably going to be a long time before things started getting clearer. But that's okay. You've got time. You've got friends."

He paused slightly before continuing, emphasizing his next words by stroking his thumb across Daniel's cheek in a deliberate caress.

"You've got me."

Daniel closed his eyes and nodded his head slightly. Not exactly a yes, but not a no either. Okay, he could deal with it.

"Come on now, let's get you into the house. Sam and Teal'c are waiting for us. Sam said she was going to bake you a cake. House is still standing, so far so good …"

  

* * *

This was exquisite torture. To have Daniel home, at last, here, with him, looking so….oh god how was he going to do this. How could he keep himself from looking like a lovesick teenager? How could he get through the next minute without – touching Daniel? How could he get Sam and Teal'c to go home?

That wasn't fair. They loved Daniel too. Had missed him as much, mourned him as deeply. Were as happy to have him back. Needed to be with him as much as he did.

After all, Sam and Teal'c couldn't stay forever. After that – they had all night.

_ Whoa, Jack, hold the phone. Remember what you promised. Daniel's been through enough already. Let's not blow what's left of the poor guy's brains out with way too much way too soon. Have a chat with the little soldier and tell him to stand down. Mind over matter. Way too much matter. Jesus Daniel stop LOOKING at me like that… _

Blue eyes shining with a fierce contentment lanced into his heart evoking answering flames of desire. Jack resisted the impulse to pick up his beer and pour it on his head. Probably wasn't exactly an Emily Post kinda thing to do. Neither was crawling up over and across the table burying his hands in that hair and pulling that mouth closer, just…diving…

Oh, this is REALLY helping! Jack mumbled something, got up from the table and fled into the kitchen. Just need a few minutes away to get a hold of himself. When all he really wanted was to get a hold of someone else.

_ DOWN boy! HEEL!! _

"Hey, sir," Sam's voice sounded a bright, slight warning as she entered the kitchen. Heeding it and more than slightly grateful for her consideration, he straightened himself up immediately and turned to face her.

"How you doing, sir? She grinned at him. "Are you okay?"

_ She knows. Good enough friend to be concerned, an even better one not to let on. _

"I'm fine, Sam," he lied through his teeth and she let him. "Just a little stress starting to catch up with me. Been a hell of a week, hasn't it?"

"You can say that again," she nodded. "So glad we made it, and Daniel is back home. Where he belongs. Wish he would eat something though. And he looks as if he can hardly keep himself up in that chair."

"It's those damned tranquilizers. Pack quite a wallop. But at least they are enabling him to stay calm enough to function. Sort of. He's still not great, but he's a lot better than he was…"

Sam looked away, not willing to delve too deeply into the memories of Daniel's first day in the infirmary. The screams, the terror, the horror in his eyes only sedation took away. They would probably never know what had happened to him simply because having him go where he would be able to tell them would hardly have been worth it. Better he should forget.

"Well, here's hoping he won't have to stay on them much longer," Jack continued. "He's got us to help him through it, and that's got to count for something."

"You know it does, sir," Sam finished fervently.

"Jack!" That was Daniel's voice, from the other room. Sounding more than a bit anxious.

"Still doesn't like it much when you're not there?" Sam asked softly.

Jack shook his head, took her lightly by the arm and walked both of them back to join the others.

Jack crossed immediately over to Daniel, flushing warmly at the way Daniel's entire face visibly brightened the moment he saw him. God, he'd walk a mile over broken glass on his hands for just that very look.

His hands cupped Daniel's shoulders as he leaned over him. "You okay?"

Daniel leaned his head back against his stomach, turning it into him to look up, the contact and the movement making Jack's own head swim.

"I can't sit here anymore," Daniel said slowly, the seeming effort of speaking them emphasizing his words. "Tired. Would the… couch… be okay?" He cast apologetic looks at Sam and Teal'c. "It's not the company, believe me. It's these damned pills. Hate pills…"

"Do not be concerned about us, DanielJackson," Teal'c's deep voice was charged with a level of emotion he very rarely allowed himself to express. "We are happy to be wherever you are most comfortable."

_ Damned tickled pink to be anywhere with you at all, Daniel.  _ Jack held that happy thought as he helped Daniel to his feet and over to the couch, Sam and Teal'c in their wake.

Sam immediately slid down beside Daniel as Jack settled him in the middle of the couch, then backed away to allow the Jaffa to claim the other side. He contented himself with the armchair, sitting down and treating himself to a sight he never thought he would ever see again. All his kids back together again, one big, happy, happy family.

He wouldn't say it didn't get any better than this because he was sincerely hoping it certainly would.

Safe in the nurturing cocoon of affection that surrounded him, Daniel noticeably rallied. As Sam and Teal'c talked to him his eyes grew brighter, more alert, his face took on a little more colour.

Gradually his gaze began to wander across the room, taking in the objects surrounding him. Wonder touched his expression, blossoming into quiet gratitude as he finally saw what rested on the coffee table. Smiling with shy pleasure he reached forward to take one of the exquisitely carved, wooden jackal-headed pieces from the large board before him.

Daniel held it tightly as he looked across at Jack. "You've kept all my things, haven't you? Everything is still here. Like I never – left…"

Jack suddenly found the toe of his right shoe extremely fascinating. Damned fascinating. Had never realized before just how – fascinating - it was.

Okay. He could talk now. Bye shoe.

"You know how it is." He risked meeting Daniel's eyes. "Mission here, mission there. More time off world than on. So much to do. Just never got around to – getting rid of it."

Daniel smiled at him, not only allowing him the lie, but plainly loving him for it. Jack found himself wanting to dive headfirst into those eyes, not knowing what he'd done to deserve such a friend.

Daniel sighed, allowing himself to sink farther back into the couch. His eyes scanned the room around him and the people in it, at last coming to rest once again on the man across the room from him.

"Home," he said in a voice that was anything but tentative and uncertain. "This is home."

_ Not talking about the four walls here, are we Daniel? _

They chatted amongst themselves for a little while longer, not saying anything particularly profound, but then not needing to either. After a brief interval Daniel took a deep breath and started to get up. He waved away any offers of assistance, and excused himself, saying he would be back in a moment. His progress was a little shaky, but he was making it. Good sign. Good sign.

Twenty minutes passed without a sign of him or any sounds from the part of the house into which he had gone. Jack looked across at Sam and Teal'c as all three of them started missing him about the same time.

"Damn – hope he didn't fall in," Jack quipped, concerned but not worried. "Daniel?" Jack raised his voice slightly so as to allow the hail to reach Daniel's hearing.

No answer. "Maybe he went into his room to go and lie down," Jack said to the others as he started to get to his feet. "I'll just go and check to see everything is okay. Won't be a minute."

Sam nodded and stood up as well. "Okay, I'll just start cleaning up over there."

"I will assist you, Captain Carter," Jack heard Teal'c say as he quickly left them behind and went to find Daniel.

Jack found Daniel in his room, sitting on the floor, leaning up against the bed, a large box beside him. The box Jack had put the things in he had brought back with him from Abydos. Forgotten it was there. Oh shit…

Daniel's eyes were tightly closed, his face set against giving into what was plainly churning within him. He held something in his arms, crushed to his chest. Jack recognized it immediately. It was one of the journals Daniel had kept during his year on Abydos.

Cursing himself for the fool he was, Jack swiftly crossed the room and dropped down beside his friend. Daniel's eyes opened as Jack's fingers brushed across his cheek.

"How did you get these?" Daniel asked softly.

"I went back to Abydos in your place. When the year was up. I figured you would have wanted me to. Someone had to tell Kasuf and Skaara you and Sha'uri weren't – going to be coming home."

"Skaara?" Daniel cried.  " Skaara is all right? He's on Abydos? I – I don't understand!"

Daniel let the journal slip from his grasp, putting his hands up to his head as if he was suddenly in pain. Jack reached forward, trying to calm him by placing his hands on his arms.

"Skaara's fine, Daniel. Why wouldn't he be?"

"I don't know I don't know," Daniel moaned, still clutching his head. "I just know he shouldn't be on Abydos."

"Come here," Jack said firmly, just as firmly overcoming Daniel's slight resistance and drawing him into his arms. "Skaara is all right. He's on Abydos. He's always been on Abydos. He's changed a lot in the past year. Had to grow up far too fast. It was hard on him. He blamed himself for Sha'uri's abduction. Figured he could've made a difference if he hadn't come with us to the cartouche room and left her behind. When he heard you were both dead – he blamed himself for you as well. Because you wouldn't let him come with you when you left."

Daniel shook as he heard that, so Jack hastened to add what encouraging words he could.

"I stayed there for a couple of days. Spent a lot of time with Skaara. Told him and Kasuf all about you. How you'd done the best you could to try and save Sha'uri. Told them everything, Danny. All the great things you've done since leaving Abydos. How you had died saving our world. They were so proud of you, Danny. As they should have been. When I left, Skaara was better. At least he understood there was nothing he could have done to change what happened to either you or Sha'uri – any more than you could have saved her."

Daniel was lying very quietly against him, listening intently to every word. "Thank you for that," he said finally, in a small voice. I'll have to go back there, show them I'm okay. When I'm feeling a little better." He indicated the box with a small wave of his hand. "Kasuf gave you my things, didn't he?"

Jack nodded. "He said he thought I would want them. He was right. I read the journals. They were – all I had left of you. I hope you don't mind."

"No…" Daniel sighed deeply against him, his exhaled breath warm on his skin even through the fabric of his shirt. Daniel's arms wound around him, as his voice became even more troubled.

"I don't understand what is happening. Everything is so strange. I know this must be my room. My clothes are here – all my things are here – but I don't remember it. Sha'uri – Skaara – even Sam and Teal'c are different somehow. I don't know. I must be losing my mind. The only thing that isn't different – the only thing that is familiar – is you."

Before Jack could come up with anything to say Daniel suddenly pushed himself away from Jack's arms. He ran a hand through his hair, looked at Jack with stricken eyes and announced; "I'm really tired. I – just want to go to sleep now. Will you apologize to Sam and Teal'c for me? I don't want to be rude, but I just really need to go to bed now. Maybe all of this will make some sort of sense in the morning. You don't mind, do you Jack?"

Disappointing, but not unexpected. Jack smiled and patted him on the shoulder. "Anything you want, Danny. You know that."

Jack got to his feet, started to walk out of the room and then turned back. Daniel's head was lowered, and he was starting to unbutton his shirt. Jack hesitated, momentarily fascinated by the revelatory potential of the action.

"Ah, I'll see Sam and Teal'c out and then just check on you before turning in. If that's okay..."

_ Christ, O'Neill, what a stupid thing to say. He's not five! Good thing you didn't say 'want me to tuck you in?' Moron! _

"'Kay" Daniel said absently, his head still lowered, his fingers still slowly working on the buttons of his shirt, pushing the next one free of the cloth that held it, causing the garment to gap open just a little wider, revealing the soft skin beneath…

Gulping, Jack whirled and fled from the room.

Long after Sam and Teal'c had gone Jack sat in the armchair in the living room, nervously rubbing his hands on his denim-covered thighs.

Even though every single nerve in his body screamed at him to go back to that room and the man in it, the prospect suddenly terrified him. Not because he didn't want to go to Daniel, but rather, because he did. He knew very well what he' said he would and wouldn't do, but what he didn't know was how much he could trust himself.

He couldn't remember wanting anyone so much – not in his whole life. But until he knew if the feeling was mutual he couldn't just…

Jesus, he was so weak…

Groaning, Jack got to his feet and walked back to Daniel's room. With any luck, Daniel would be asleep. So he could just, look in, as he had promised, and then get the hell out of there.

The room was dark and silent. From the doorway he could barely make out the still form of the man curled up beneath the comforter on the bed. Like a man in a waking dream he felt himself gliding forward into the room, walking in guilty silence, drawn toward Daniel by a force he could barely understand, never mind control. As he moved around the bed he tried not to notice the pile of discarded clothing lying in a heap on the floor where he had last seen Daniel sitting. Tried not to notice – and dismally failed.

Oh my! Under there… he was…

Reason suddenly briefly reasserted itself. Control came back. Jack stopped himself, was just about to turn and run like hell.

"Jack…"

So much for control. Daniel's voice, saying his name, so full of unspoken pain, reached out and drew him the rest of the way to his side as surely as if Daniel had reached out and grabbed him by the – throat.

"I'm right here, Danny," Jack whispered, leaning over him. He couldn't see his face, couldn't see what was happening, didn't know what to do.

"Don't go," Daniel implored, grabbing his arm and seeking to settle the matter by swiftly turning and pulling Jack along with it, into the bed behind him.

Taken completely by surprise, Jack lost his balance and tumbled over on top of him. Daniel's only response was to grunt softly and hold onto his arm all the more implacably.

"Okay, okay," Jack said hastily, moving his weight off the man beneath him. "Ease up on the arm. I'll stay. Just let me get my shoes off at least."

Daniel wasn't letting go. Sighing, Jack managed to kick off his shoes. The rest of it was staying where it was. The more clothes he had on, the safer for everyone. His heart literally in his mouth, Jack slipped under the covers and felt Daniel immediately move into him. Clutching the arm he had captured tightly to his chest. His bare chest. That sorta kinda went with the whole bare rest of him.

Trying to calm himself Jack took a deep breath and got a lungful of the lush, earthy, entirely intoxicating scent of Daniel's hair. Reason going out the window, going into sensory overload mode now. Daniel sighed deeply, making Jack twitch with desire as his expanding chest moved under the hand that had been splayed over the smooth, warm skin.

_ …omigod it's going to be a long night… _

  

* * *

For six months he'd burned, seared constantly beneath the fiery weight of the torch he'd carried, compelling and consuming him with no possibility of fulfillment. His love for Daniel had been a hopeless, desperate fantasy haunting his days and possessing his dreams.

How many times had he futilely dreamt of this moment knowing it could never come to pass? Knowing there was no possible way he would ever be able to have him in his arms? Hold him, smell him, feel his warmth and life beating straight into his bones?

Now he was here. What he could never hope to have lived, breathed and moved within his embrace. The once-stilled heart that held his captive beat frantically beneath his hand. The feel of the smooth, warm velvet skin of Daniel's chest triumphantly contradicted darker, redder memories.

Jack was surprised to discover he was at peace. Although every nerve in his body was thrumming and firing in frantic excitation, there was a calm eye in the fiery maelstrom of his mind in which everything which was and should be was suddenly – clear.

There was no more conflict, no more indecision. It was so simple. All he had to do was love him. If he did that he couldn't possibly do anything wrong.

Filled with the power of this knowledge, Jack laid his flaming cheek against the answering heat of Daniel's bare back, letting his hand gently move across his chest in the most unobtrusive of caresses. Wanting only to touch, he tried to relay the reality of his concern and devotion through slow, stroking fingers traced lingeringly and lovingly over the sensitive surface of the newly puckered, excited flesh they had discovered on their travels.

Daniel gasped, arching his back at the touch, his breath coming in shallow, ragged pants. Before Jack knew what was happening the man in his arms twisted quickly, turning to face him. Daniel grabbed two handfuls of Jack's shirt, buried his face in the hollow of Jack's throat, and suddenly began to shake.

Confused, dismayed, afraid he had frightened him, Jack hastened to embrace him in consolation while he whispered, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean… Don't worry. You're safe. Nothing will happen to you."

Daniel vehemently shook his head. "No – not that. Not your fault," he gasped. Daniel's trembling got worse. It wasn't until Jack felt the warm wetness on his skin that he realized what was happening.

"Ah Danny, don't," Jack soothed, his heart shredding. Not caring about anything anymore except somehow finding some way, any way to take Daniel's pain from him he began to kiss him on the top of his head. Trying to assuage the sobs becoming more audible he heard himself say, "How can I help? What can I do? Tell me, please tell me."

Daniel turned his face up to him in response to his entreaty.

"Make it go away," he moaned, his voice heavy with misery.

"Your wish is my command."

The willing slave to Daniel's every desire; Jack began to kiss his cheeks, letting his lips soak up the salty, precious moisture of Daniel's tears. Daniel shuddered with pleasure, moving his face slightly impatiently under the adoration of Jack's lips as he tried to turn his mouth into the one he craved.

Jack took his face in his hands, gently restraining him. "Not yet," he murmured, continuing to rain tender kisses upon Daniel's face, skirting his mouth. For the moment.

He had been a completely devoted acolyte of Daniel for so long. No god ever had a more dedicated or impassioned follower. Now that he at last had his opportunity to worship at the shrine, he wasn't about to waste it in a too-soon-over mindless frenzy. Not the first time. Not with Daniel. Wasn't what he needed – far much less than Daniel deserved.

Jack was about to give a whole new meaning to the term 'religious rite'. Especially when it came to the form of the resulting 'revelation'. Daniel was about to get the top of his head blown off. Eventually.

Well, we each encounter god in our own ways.

Still kissing Daniel's face Jack gently pushed him until he was lying on his back. With infinite gentleness he restrained the arms fighting against the pressure, seeking to grab and clutch at him.

"No," he said firmly. "Be still. Let me do it. Just….let go."

Heeding him, trusting him, Daniel lay still almost immediately. Then, and only then, did Jack finally lower his mouth to the one waiting impatiently beneath.

At the first taste, the first plunge into the hot, sucking eagerness that was Daniel's mouth Jack almost forgot everything else, including 'the plan'. Everything except this mouth he desired for so long remembering, lips so mobile, expressive wanton, now tasting, sweet, warm, moving beneath, hot breath surging life into his lungs seeking wetness mingling with his, moist tongue invading oh Daniel so talented, its not just for talking…

Gasping Jack raised his head before he was completely lost. Can't go over the edge yet. There was so much more to do and discover.

Daniel moaned at his unexpected bereavement. Jack quickly leaned forward to nip the side of his neck as he whispered, "Patience!"

He expended a few brief seconds shucking his clothes, a scant eternity Daniel endured with as much grace as his condition allowed. Now much more suitably unattired, Jack set himself to the happy task of fulfilling his promise.

And what a chore it was! While the object of his devotion willing yielded himself up as a sacrifice upon the altar of Jack's adoration he began to slowly, deliberately claim what was his. Hands roamed hungrily, stroking, touching, discovering, fondling, mouth seeking, tongue avidly tasting, licking, teeth teasing, mapping the length and breadth of the beloved flesh laid before him, displayed, undefended and quivering all for his pleasure. A banquet of delights that moaned and shook and gasped and heaved beneath the slightest touch.

Daniel was completely lost, subsumed and awash in a consuming tidal wave of overwhelming sensation. Jack found himself not far behind him. Every sound Daniel made beneath his hands, every tremor of delight rippling through him as he was kissed and caressed fanned the bright flame of joy within Jack until it was a roaring inferno he was sure would utterly consume him.

Senses ablaze, mind inflamed, passion his only reason Jack stroked the sleek, heaving plane of Daniel's abdomen, his hand moving slowly downward, drawn like a magnet to the throbbing staff of Daniel's need, while his mouth closed once more upon the supple lips framing the warm, moist cavern of unutterable pleasure. He thrust his tongue eagerly into the welcoming sanctuary as he stroked the pulsing shaft he had discovered, gently at first, then with firmer, faster strokes. Responding to his intimate attentions Daniel began to gasp and whimper with ecstasy. Tears spilled from his eyes, he tried to flail his head helplessly on the pillow but was pinned by Jack's enveloping mouth, impaled by his thrusting tongue.

_ Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. Nothing to do but claw desperately at the sheets, but even those useless handholds won't stop you from tumbling into the rapturous heights of pleasure… _

_ Fall for me, Danny… _

Suddenly Daniel - arching upward, screaming, sobbing warm life fluid spurting, shooting, trickling down his hand, through his fingers, own mind shrieking fire exploding in his loins, clasping Daniel to his chest still screaming, insane convulsing with ecstasy, his own cries mingling as beloved arms clutch him desperately, inseparable as the tide sweeps them both away….

… going down in flames to be resurrected by them once again. Jack awoke on fire, to discover Daniel kissing him avidly, swarming over him greedily, murmuring low words of love punctuated by licking and kissing and sucking BITING oh that was good, and Jesus what he could do with that mouth, hands weren't too bad either oh GOD well, letting someone else do all the work was good too…

Jack was reluctantly pulled from the warm place where he had been floating by a most enticing smell. Cooking. Something was cooking. What was that – bacon? He had bacon? Who knew?

Still feeling more than fuzzy he opened his eyes, for a moment confused by the surroundings. Where – oh. Daniel's room. He was in Daniel's bed. Daniel's bed! He sat up, looking beside him. No Daniel. That would explain the bacon.

He was suddenly startled by the sound of a warm chuckle. Looking up he saw Daniel standing in the doorway, washed, scrubbed, dressed, his face slightly flushed with indulgent delight as he looked fondly at the man blinking sleepily at him.

God, he was so beautiful…

"Well you're certainly a sight for sore eyes," Daniel laughed at him. "About time you woke up."

"Hey," Jack affected an offended tone. "Respect for the exhausted! I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. As you MAY recall."

"Oh, was that you?" Daniel replied archly.

"You're lucky you're all the way over there," Jack growled. "If you were closer I'd have to kiss that smirk right off your face."

"You could try," Daniel countered, his lips twitching provocatively. Jack felt certain parts of himself waking up rather more quickly than others. Jesus…

"You could come over here and save us both a lot of energy. Better put to better use."

"Smooth talker," Daniel chuckled. "Later. I'm cooking right now."

"I'll say," Jack leered at him.

Daniel rolled his eyes at him. "Honestly, you're impossible. Why do I even bother trying to talk to you?"

"Because people look at you funny when you talk to yourself?" Jack grinned. He patted the spot on the bed beside him. "Don't be such a tease. C'mere."

"Stand down, Colonel, I told you I'm cooking breakfast. I just came up here to tell you it'll be ready soon. Go take a shower. I'm making waffles."

"No way! Blueberry? With that sprinkly stuff you put on them? Hey, I'm there!"

"Thought as much," Daniel sighed as he watched his friend and lover sweep back the covers, spring up from the bed and stride toward him in all his glory.

God, he was beautiful…

He didn't resist as Jack wrapped his arms around him and kissed him soundly.

"Did I tell you how much I missed your cooking?" he said huskily.

"Was that all you missed?" Daniel breathed, nibbling on his jaw.

"Not if I'd known how hot you are," Jack returned just before he devoured Daniel's mouth with his own.

Flushed and gasping, Daniel broke the kiss and pushed Jack away.

"Jesus, what are you trying to do, take out my tonsils? Go take a shower, you randy bastard! You want waffles, you're not going to get them if you keep kissing me like that."

Jack made a show of considering his options. "Oh boy, tough choice." He gave Daniel a peck on the cheek and then began to walk to the bathroom. "Definitely waffles."

"You sure know how to hurt a guy!" Daniel laughed.

"Stick around," Jack shot back at him. Plenty more where that came from."

"Don't I know it! Nice ass, Jack!

"I keep in shape. All those months chasing you. Going to shower now. Sure you don't want to come?"

"Did that last night. Thanks. Going to go waffle for a bit. Don't be too long. I'll try to keep it hot for you."

"Will you SHUT UP already! Now I have to take a COLD shower!"

Daniel laughed at him and began to walk back to the kitchen.

It wasn't until he had emerged from the shower slightly more aware than when he had gone in and was toweling himself off Jack realized what had just happened.

Daniel had been talking to him like his old self. Strong, bright-eyed, alert. Not a shadow or tremor in sight. Jack hurried to his room, quickly threw on some clothes and then rushed to the kitchen to make sure he hadn't been imagining things.

He crept up behind Daniel, threw his arms around his waist and almost got a spatula in the face.

"Don't DO that!" Daniel scolded as he twisted around in Jack's arms. "Sneaking up on a guy like that. Make NOISE or something."

"Okay." Jack started to growl into Daniel's ear.

"Sit DOWN!" Daniel brandished the spatula at him. "I mean it! I'm armed!"

"Oooh, tough guy," Jack shrugged and retreated. "Okay, I'm suitably cowed. When you start making with kitchen utensils you aren't fooling around. I'll behave."

"That'll be the day," Daniel snorted.

Jack was as good as his word, and the waffles were as good as he remembered. Jack waited until they had eaten, and were following the repast with a cup of Daniel's excellent coffee, which Jack had quite missed as well, before he asked the question.

"So, how are you?"

"How do I look?" Daniel returned.

"Good." Jack answered sincerely. No jokes, no fooling around. "Really good."

"That's pretty much how I feel. I woke up this morning, and I was just – okay. No shakes, no confusion, no headache, no feeling like I am going to split apart at the seams. And the best part – no pills!"

"You sure that's such a good idea?" Jack asked cautiously.

"Do I look like I need to take a tranquilizer?" Daniel said, posing the question honestly and not looking as if he resented Jack for making him ask it.

"Okay, whatever you say," Jack replied. "Still, it would make me feel better if we took a trip in to see the Doc. Just so she can take a look at you. I'm sure you're right, but I would just feel better…" he shrugged sheepishly. "What can I say? I worry."

"I know." Daniel reached across the table and patted his hand fondly. "I don't always say it because half the time I don't want to admit it, but I'm glad. I'm not always as tough as I let on."

"Figured that one out for myself," Jack grinned. "Hey, not just a pretty face, I'll have you know."

That one earned him a smile. Not that he would have needed it to feel happier than he already was. What he had ever done to deserve this he didn't know, but what he did know was he wasn't going to blow it and he wasn't going to waste it.

"You cooked. That means I wash the dishes. Right?"

"You know it."

"Just checking. But you always cook."

"You wanna cook?"

"Hell no, I'd kill us both!"

"Only if I was stupid enough to eat it."

Jack pulled a face at him and got up to commence his part of kitchen detail. Things were good. But then, he'd never doubted they would be. Daniel had been, and still was his friend. That they had added a new level to their friendship didn't change what already was between them, except to make it deeper.

He wouldn't be having any 'where is this going' kinds of conversations with Daniel. Completely unnecessary. 'This' was going exactly the same way they'd always been going. Wherever their road took them, side by side.

And whenever no one was looking – hand in hand.

FINIS 


	5. Lifeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel's rescue and homecoming from his perspective.

His voice was the beacon drawing me forward from darkness into light. His touch pulled me from the living death where I wandered alone back to life. 

You came for me. I can say little else, except his name. Inside, over and over, using the sound of it to keep the demons at bay. His arms around me, lifting me up, feel them tighten, feel scalding tears, I can feel again, feel him. 

I must be alive, this must be real. He is warm and strong, he is with me as they take me from this place of horror and despair. I had never thought to see him again, never expected to live and breathe again. Thought I was already dead and discarded, drifting in a murky, nightmare purgatory where all lost, forgotten and unremembered souls wander haunted by the twisted images of wasted moments and dreams. 

My eyes are open. I see but do not understand. What is the nightmare, what is real - I can't tell. Nothing seems real. Except for him. His touch is real. His hands warm, vital, burning feeling and life into my cold clay wherever he touches me. Real. He is real. Only him. That's all I know. 

I hear them talking, sounds with no meaning. Jumbling together, blurring, melding, swirling like a watercolour left out in the rain. It doesn't matter what they are saying, where they are taking me. He is here. I'm not afraid. I can feel him. His voice alone does not confuse me, does not blend with the others. Penetrating, carrying understanding. It's finally over. He's come for me. He won't let anyone hurt me anymore. 

Then they take him away. The only touch I understand is gone, in its place so many others. Strange hands I do not know, which don't have the power to shield me from the horrors as his do. They take him away from me and what he has kept from me returns. 

Reliving what was done to me is so much worse now I'm awake. Eyes open or closed; the images are the same. Not what is, but what was, coming at me, over and over as I see it, feel it, live it continuously at the obliteration of everything else. The sound of screaming, loud, insane, terrible. 

Is that me? Screaming, have been screaming forever. Screaming as I fought them then, screaming as I fight them now. Hands on me, holding me down like being held down before, can't escape can't move have to get away from here before they start hurting me again. I'm in a different place but I'm still here in the place of pain with hurtful hands restraining me, waiting helplessly for the agony to begin again. 

Where is he, where is he, he wouldn't let this happen to me scream his name but they still won't let me go. Sharp pain in my arm, numbing sick death spreading through my limbs going back to sleep stops the screams but won't stop the dreams…. 

His voice, coming for me again. It blazes in the madness, making the things tormenting me cower and flee. I follow it, reaching out for him although I can't move my arms, fighting the numbness, needing him to touch… feel my closed eyes burning, hot wet sliding out of the sides of my eyes, down my face to be caught by his fingers. Life sears in me again where his touch brushes my face. Still can't move, afraid to move need him to touch… 

His fingers ghost across my eyelids, the most delicate of caresses. It is so slight and yet so very precious; it draws the full focus of my concentration. There is no room for anything else; everything recedes before my need to feel his touch. 

He draws his fingers along my cheekbone, then uses them to trace the line of my jaw. Lingering, coursing with his life, does he know what he is doing, how he is drawing me back? Even though I'm now awake, I dare not move. My life depends on those fingers, on not having them forsake me. 

He feathers them across my lips and I forget. A sigh escapes me sounding like a sob and I feel the fingers jerk away. God! No! Don't stop! The fear comes crashing in on me again. If he goes – like this - he won't touch me again. I'll be lost… 

Try to force my eyes open, what I see is blurred and out of focus. As I fear, he's moved from my side, backing away from me frightened by what he has done, thinking he has hurt me. Can't let him leave, can't fight this without him, not strong enough how to make him understand how important he is – how much I need…. 

I fight, I struggle. So hard – have to do this. Now, before I lose him… 

"JACK!" 

I did it. I said it. Relief floods through my body, I'm almost completely spent by the effort of speaking the single word. He freezes in the middle of turning away from me, sees me, sees me looking at him, comes back oh thank god he's coming back saying my name, he knows what I need, looks around says "screw 'em", bless him for understanding, takes the straps off my arms, lifts me up and folds me into his embrace. 

His arms envelop me, his life flows through me. I don't have the strength to hug him back, but I will. He says nothing, just holds me, holds me, holds me, I'm coming alive again his light calms me, drives back the darkness it'll be all right, Jack is here… 

He's taking me home. I should be happy, finally out of the infirmary, well enough, according to those who claim to know about these things, to be out in the world again. I should be happy, but all I am is – terrified. 

It's true things are a lot better. Compared to the way they have been, although nowhere near where they should be. At least I have enough control over myself not to scream at the drop of a hat. 

I know the difference between what is real and what is swimming around in my head, still trying to drag me back into the quagmire. Can't take credit for any of it. It's partly due to these damned pills which are making me so numb I barely have the strength to breathe, but mostly its due to him. He's been my shield against the darkness, the strength I don't have, my reason to fight and my guide through the dark valley back to what is real. He has been – everything. That's why I'm so scared now, the farther we get from the mountain, the closer we get to my place. 

I'm not ready for this. Not ready to be alone. Not yet. He'll take me home, he'll stay for awhile but then he'll have to go and I don't know what will happen to me when he does. I keep my eyes closed and try not to let the fear overwhelm me. I search for a way, the words, I don't know how to tell him he can't leave me yet but somehow I have to find a way. 

I can feel his gaze on me, touching me from across the small space between us. Just as if it was his hand caressing me the same way his eyes do as I open mine to meet them. What I see in them gives me sudden hope and courage. Bolstered by that hope, I say his name. His eyes are warm, they say so much. Maybe – maybe he won't leave after all… 

"Home sweet home, Daniel," he says. "I look out the windshield and the image greeting me is not the one that immediately sprang into my mind when Jack told me I was home. 

This is – his house. I don't understand. Confused for a moment, and then – well of course. I've been 'dead' for the past six months. I don't have a 'place' anymore. Would have been all packed up, cleared away, carted off and disposed of - probably gave it all away to the Goodwill or something. Probably don't own anything anymore except the clothes I'm wearing. The ones Jack brought for me for the trip home. Which do happen to be mine, which suddenly strikes me as – strange. 

Was Jack the one stuck with the job? Was he the one who had to dispose of the remnants, the one burdened with task of tying up the loose end resulting from the inconvenient ceasing of Daniel Jackson? God, I hope not. I hope none of my friends had to do that. But then, who else was there? Scant few people in this world are troubled one way or the other whether I exist or not. Still, someone had to have done it; odds are it was one or all of them. I'll have to thank them, right after I apologize for having put them through it in the first place. 

So no big mystery after all, I'm here because I don't have anywhere else to go. Déjà vu… 

As my mind accepts the explanation I'm aware Jack is speaking, \- what he is saying – I'm wrong, I live here, I've always lived here, wait, that's not right, I know that's not right but… there's more…no – it can't be - what can he mean – Sha'uri – dead? Jack just told me my wife is dead and suddenly the world disappears from beneath my feet and I fall. 

I don't fall far. He's there, Jack is there, holding me up, speaking softly to me and stroking my cheek as my mind races, trying to reconcile the confusion of what it knows with the discovery \- what it knows – isn't - what is… For a sickening second an image, clearly burned in my mind of Sha'uri. Dressed in obscene Goa'uld finery, standing beside Apophis, haughty cruelness twisting her beautiful face the gold, glowing eyes of a stranger beaming hatred and disdain at me. 

This would have been her fate – doomed to be a prisoner in her own body, constantly suffering, alone, forced by a monster to hurt others to hurt – me… She would have suffered unending torment. Poor, sweet Sha'uri – god forgive me, suddenly I'm glad she is dead, if her heartless extinction instead of becoming a host meant she was spared even one second of this. 

There ARE fates worse than death. I am so grateful my darling did not have to know that. 

I can't take it in any more, torn between my grief and my relief I allow Jack to guide me into the house. Our house. It doesn't feel familiar but I am so glad it is so. 

  

* * *

I wish Sam and Teal'c would go home. Feel terrible wishing it, seeing the naked delight in their faces. 

Sam keeps touching me as if she can't believe I'm real. She grins like a fiend, blushes, wipes away tears, touches me again, apologizes, laughs. 

Teal'c won't meet my eyes as if he is afraid of what is inside him clamouring to come out. He blinks a lot. Terrible of me to wish they would go but it's all too much. It's just – what they are surrounding me with, it's too overwhelming. I can't believe it, accept it, understand why. Why I matter so much to them. 

I'm stunned by the force of their joy. Almost flattened by it. I – had no idea. Truly didn't. I've allowed for the possibility, however remote, there might be one or two people who might miss me a little for awhile if I wasn't around, but I've always known what I am. One of those people who just slips through the cracks of life. That guy you know who is around somewhere in the background, part of the furniture but not particularly noticeable or memorable, never can quite remember his name, fades from existence if not in plain sight. Someone who just doesn't make much of an impact. Expendable. 

They look at me like all of a sudden they just got their reason for living back and I don't know what to say so I look around, trying not to break down right in front of them I am so humbled by the gift they have just given me. I just don't deserve to be so loved and that's when I see – that's when I know what I've been seeing in Jack's eyes. 

Evidence of my existence all over the room. My statues, pictures, books – god – my books… on the mantle, that stupid rock Jack picked up on P3S- 821, giving it to me after he'd painted 'Genuine Alien Arty-fact' on it, and there - one of my most prized possessions on the coffee table right in front of me. 

As I reach for one of the pieces I realize he has never let me go, not for an instant, not for a second. I ask him, he lies to me about it, afraid I will see, afraid I will know, afraid I don't want what he wants to give me. He denies what we both know is the truth, but he isn't fooling either one of us. 

I know why his touch heals me – why his voice has the power to exorcise the darkness. I know what he wants, why he looks at me that way. 

I know I want it too. 

I also know I have to get out of here before I embarrass both of us in front of the company. 

He finds me lost in grief and confusion. In a place I should know but don't – and don't know why I don't, mourning a woman months dead and gone I feel I have only just lost not understanding why I don't remember losing her. He tells me more – more truths about the people I love making lies of my memories and certainties. I feel everything I have accomplished in this short time starting to slip away from me. My head is splitting; I barely know my own name. I am about to shatter. I need him… 

His arms are around me, I cling to him, feeling his strength and love surrounding me it helps, but I need so much more and yet don't dare say so, not yet, we're not alone. I don't want him to leave but I send him away to send them away hoping he'll come back as he promised but not sure if he will. I know he wants to, but he's afraid of what he feels. 

Yet, he always seems to know exactly what I need so I wait for him, confident in that. He knows I need him. He'll come back. 

  

* * *

I lie shivering in the darkness, feeling it close around me. Turning off the light was a mistake, one I can't rectify now. I doubt I have the strength to rise from the bed, never mind make it across the room and back again. I certainly haven't got the strength to go to him. It's been such a long time since he left me. 

I shouldn't be cold, but I'm freezing. Numbness, leeching in from the very darkness around me seeping into my bones. I struggle against it but there is more of it than there is of me. It closes over me, mercilessly beginning to snuff out the small flame the hope of him has kindled within me. 

The air around me changes. I feel him move through it, coming toward me. So close, and yet…. He's here, but he's afraid. I can't let that stop me. It's not just my life I'm fighting for. I understand this in a way he doesn't yet. He will. 

I call him to me - he comes. I can't let him leave; the darkness is so close. I won't lose to it now – not now that I know what I have to live for. 

I pull him to me, clasping his hand to my chest. It is so warm, his touch scorching – almost too much. His brief attempt at resistance over, he climbs into bed behind me. He has no choice. He's not leaving me. 

The numbness in me screams at the warm assault. He pulls me closer, his hand moves across me, sweet caress, hot, warm, languid, the desire shooting through me is so real, so strong it hurts. 

Panic, love, pain, desire, fear, hope all swirl within me, welling up, needing to escape, only one way out. I turn to him, clutching him, feeling his arms tighten around me, tears falling but no release I can't – I can't get it to come out, get it to let go. 

I don't want to go mad but this has to stop or I will but it's all stuck, like a huge knot inside me, getting bigger, not letting go but crushing me from the inside out. I can barely feel him anymore even though his arms are squeezing me I hear myself saying "make it go away" if he can't I'm lost… 

Ohh god, yes, yes, more, I need more try to pull him closer but he makes me lie still. Don't want to need more, doesn't he understand I'll die frozen if I can't feel and then I'm dying burning as I feel his tongue in my mouth, his lips crushing mine. 

I try to claim him as greedily as his hands begin to stroke me slowly, firmly… can't speak, want to scream, so numb, need to feel, scream at him, harder, touch me harder, not enough, not enough still can't feel you, hurt me, anything, make me feel… 

He won't, shakes his head, kisses me again, touches me, still slowly, lightly, stroking, stroking, his hands knowing me as if they have always held the secret of what I need within them. As he kisses me above, below, trailing slick wetness across my body, his mouth marauding across me his touch roaming over me, I start to tremble, not from cold, not from not feeling, but from a wave surging through me like a switch being turned on. 

Suddenly I'm ablaze, every nerve tingling, shrieking with life, with feeling, wave after wave of excitement, fire, sensation, I've lost control of my body, my limbs shake and spasm uncontrollably. Can't think, can't move, animal noises coming from me, sobs, screams, moans, grunts, whimpers - sounds I have never heard myself make before. 

I can feel him now - all around me, touching me everywhere at once, how can he do this, how can he know, he knows everything, knows what I need, how could I have doubted him, feeling, feeling, oh god, it's getting better – how is this possible? He groans and growls and laughs as he sees what has become of me, his breath short, ragged and hot in my mouth as his tongue plunges deep within me, again, again, again. There is a pulsing, bright blazing deep inside me, growing, rising, coursing through me, gathering speed and oh sweet JESUS, he's \- he's touching me there now, holding me, squeezing, pumping. 

God! I thought I was in paradise before but as his hand closes around me, moves up and down, the fire erupts, blasting through the knot of pain, shattering it, sweeping it away. Up, up past what once was pain now is only fire and joy, up, through, out, shooting clear. I'm dying now, screaming, sobs tearing through me tears streaming, shuddering with the force of release, release… 

Letting go, all of it spewing out of me with the ecstasy god god god, the bliss! The pain, all coming up and out, bursting free, head exploding, white light in my brain, his hand tightening upon me as I feel warm spurting on my stomach, can't tell where my screams end and his begin… 

Alive alive alive, I'm alive. I want to scream I want to cry, want to laugh hysterically all at once. I want him to know what he has done. I can feel. God, do you know how wonderful you are? 

He's collapsed on top of me, asleep. I can't sleep. I'm too excited, too grateful. I need to touch him, the way he touched me, need to revel in the new life he has given me. Realize I'm probably going to wake him up in the process but somehow don't think he'll mind. 

I move him onto his back and just do what I need to do. I'm out of my mind the second I touch him. He makes a startled grunt, coming abruptly awake as my hands swarm over his chest, yanking on the swirling of hair there in my haste. Since he's awake now I kiss him, hard, deep, making him gasp and moan. 

He ain't seen nuthin yet. 

By the time I have him in my mouth, teasing him with my tongue, running my teeth up and down the soft, hard, swollen flesh he's laughing, crying, swearing at me at the top of his lungs. He knots a hand in my hair, pushing my head down, catching me by surprise. Not expecting so much of him all at once I gag, but I'm over it in a second, moving faster, feeling it won't be long now, certainly if the way he is cursing is anything to go by. 

Such a mouth on you Jack! I'll give it something else to do in a minute, have to finish up down here first. 

Swallowing I turn on him, a small stream of his seed trickling from the corner of my mouth. I kiss him deeply, giving what I have taken from him back to him. He hisses in surprise then clamps his arms around me, rolling me onto my back, pinning me beneath his weight. He kisses me back fiercely and we lie there locked together until we can't breathe. 

Finally somewhat more serene I feel the sleep I could not previously find beginning to creep over me. Hear him murmur in my ear "what are you trying to do kill me" and then he is silent, still, breathing deeply. Sleep comes, a blessed sleep, a sleep with no dreams… 

Early morning I am wide awake, still alive, emerging from the best sleep I've had since coming back to life. Jack is still on top of me, sprawled all over me, snoring profoundly, as profoundly as he is slumbering. Well, I can't sleep anymore, certainly don't want to wake him, he's more than earned this rest. 

I decide to get up. Have a feeling, if I know my Jack, what he has in his fridge will be beer, beer, possibly some leftover, cold, stale pizza, followed by, what else - more beer. We're going to need a bit more than that if we're going to keep our strength up. So while my colonel slumbers I slip out from under him, grab a quick shower, toss on some clothes, see my hunch about the state of the provisions is correct, find Jack's keys and make a quick grocery run. 

Just as well I did. Eventually Jack does wake up and realizes he's pretty hungry. Not at first, however. Too busy thinking with other parts of his anatomy immediately upon rising, so to speak, so I have to keep him away from me under dire threat of spatulation in order to finish preparing what will service the other appetite he finally figures out he has. He pouts for a bit, but as the aroma sways him in the direction of which craving he wants to satisfy first, he is grateful one of us has enough self control to cook. He eats enough for three people, then looks at me like he's still hungry. However, the bill of fare has shifted from waffles to Daniel du jour. 

I make him do the dishes first. 

I figured I would have at least enough time to let everything settle a bit. I figured wrong. 

I keep forgetting what Jack does for a living. He's very good at what he does. I don't hear him behind me until it is far too late. Labouring under the foolish misapprehension I am actually going to be allowed to get any more than ten feet away from him I make the fatal mistake of turning my back on him and walking out into the dining room. Needless to say, I pay dearly for my folly; I am attacked from behind and thrown to the floor. Oh no. Completely defenseless. Not a kitchen utensil in sight. Whatever shall I do? 

Before I can say boo my pants are down around my ankles and Jack is grinning at me like a fiend, pumping me furiously, quickly erect. I realize he is going to make me pay for what I did to him last night. 

Oh. No. Stop. Don't. Don't. Don't stop… 

Retribution is swift in coming and so am I. Jack shares the fruits of his labours with me with rather sloppy, slightly overwhelming enthusiasm. It's an interesting experience. So is whisker burn… 

We make it to the bedroom. Eventually. By way of the whole rest of the house. Going to be finding articles of clothing all over the place for weeks. I don't care. We're like a couple of bunnies in heat. He's a crazed lunatic, but that's okay, I'm every bit as gone about him. I'm wild, I'm alive, I'm completely ridiculous but mostly – I'm grateful. He's saved my life and I'd love him forever just for that if I didn't love him already for him. 

I'm back. It's his fault, so I guess that means he's stuck with me. He doesn't seem to mind. He's rude, he's crude, he's completely – wonderful. More than that, he's my lifeline. His love found me, brought me back, set me free. I plan to spend the life he's helped me reclaim saying thank you. As many times as it takes. 

Don't think he'll mind that either. He tells me I have my uses. He has no idea… 

Besides, he likes my cooking. 

FINIS 


	6. Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel returns to active duty and Jack discovers he has a very big problem.

"Hold it – wait a minute. Strap's twisted – wait – I'll get it…" 

The shimmering azure event horizon awaited them. Daniel had been about to start up the ramp but stopped in response to Jack's request. He stood patiently, his features arranged in a discretely indulgent expression as Jack patently, obviously – fussed over him. 

That Jack was fussing was obvious. Obvious to everyone but Jack. 

As his fingers fumbled with the twisted strap of Daniel's pack Jack tried to get a grip on himself. Crap, he was as nervous as a bridegroom. Had been one once, knew what it felt like. This was it. 

Danny's first time through the gate since they had brought him home. Back in action, back in the saddle, back in the traces, back out into the strange unknown where anything could happen. Back out there where he could no longer control the situation, no longer keep Danny in a fortress where nothing could touch him. Out of his hands and into the fickle ones of fate. 

He wasn't quite ready to let go yet. 

Too soon, it was too soon. Oh he knew what the doctors had said. Daniel's progress over the last two months had been nothing short of – astonishing. 

Since their first morning together after their first incredible night together Daniel had thrown away his pills and just gotten better and better. No arguing with facts. The shrinks were impressed, and at more than a bit of a loss to explain it other than laying it off to the fact Daniel had already displayed he possessed an unusually resilient personality and a better-than-average ability to cope with emotional and psychological trauma. 

Lord knows he'd had enough practice! 

Which was just a fancy way of saying the boy could bounce back like nobody's business. A big part of it, to be sure, but Jack was also more than certain the swiftness of Daniel's recovery could also be attributed to whatever advantages accrued from – being what he really was. 

Whatever the reason, Jack was glad of it. On a certain level. He certainly had no desire to see Daniel go through what he'd gone through when they'd first brought him back. However it had come about, he was overjoyed to see Daniel smiling, and fit and happy once more. Eager to be out and about, anxious to get back to work; itching to walk through that gate again. 

And THAT was where Jack started having problems. The last two months had been his every dream come true and so much more besides. Heaven, bliss, paradise, pick a metaphor for perfection. Nothing to intrude, nothing to spoil it, nothing to fear. 

All over now. Daniel had been pronounced fit, mentally sound, cleared to return to active duty. Official end of the happy hiatus. Here they were, back to work. When Daniel walked through that gate, the 'real world' would start raining on Jack's parade again. He knew it had to happen, just why did it have to happen so soon? 

As his fingers plucked absently at the collar of Daniel's jacket, freeing it from the strap confining it he found his eyes meeting the ones of the man before him. Daniel looked at him with quiet understanding, that way he had of telling him, without saying a word, he knew exactly what Jack was thinking. Which he did. 

It'll be fine, Jack. Trust me. 

The reassurance of Danny's eyes stilled his troubled thoughts. Their arresting, irresistible blueness replaced the troubled thoughts with others. Distinctly less troubled, and a whole lot more amorous. Which suddenly were joined by a whole bunch of friends as Daniel smiled at him, crinkling his nose slightly in the way he did that made him want to start kissing his face off. 

"Meet you on the other side, Jack," Daniel said softly and started up the ramp. Dazed, dumbfounded and utterly besotted Jack found he could do nothing but stand there and stare at him as he walked into the blue. 

He was still standing there as the remaining members of his team drew up on either side of him, flanking him left and right. Carter sidled up to him, leaning over to whisper conspiratorially in his ear. 

"Uh, you might want to work on your poker face a bit, Colonel." 

He'd heard her use that tone before. She was razzing him about something. He'd figure it out in a minute. Just needed a minute… God, those eyes… 

"I concur with Captain Carter," Teal'c joined in. Focus, Jack, Teal'c was on about something too. "It might be wise to strive to achieve inner peace in certain situations," the Jaffa continued a deep, completely serious tone. "I can instruct you in basic meditation techniques if you think it would be helpful." 

Jack glanced from one to the other. Carter looked as if she was about to split a gut, Teal'c was wearing a definite smile behind his neutral expression. Whazgoinon? 

"Huh?" was his brilliant response. 

"Your tongue is hanging out, sir!" she shot out of the corner of her mouth at him and then beckoned to Teal'c to follow her up the ramp. Teal'c inclined his head politely at his commanding officer, his dark eyes sparkling with amusement. 

As he joined Carter on her stroll to the event horizon she leaned toward the Jaffa and said, just loud enough for Jack to hear, "Ya know, I think I liked them better when they were fighting all the time. This is becoming really confusing. I keep getting this irresistible urge to skip, go tra-la-la and fling rose petals all over the place. Don't like it. Let's not even talk about the violin music I keep hearing. Spooky!" 

Just before they disappeared into the event horizon Jack heard Teal'c's reply. 

"I do not care to skip, but I have a certain fondness for violins." 

Crap! Jack jammed his hat more firmly on his head, sighed deeply and trudged wearily after the rest of his team. Well, he'd known there was no way he and Daniel had any hope of keeping Sam and Teal'c from figuring this out eventually. But so soon? He was so, so dead! 

It all pretty much went downhill from there. 

The gate on D2S-909 had landed them right in the middle of a hot, steamy jungle, and he had been bungling through it from the word go. He hadn't felt this dumb-ass awkward and stupid since high school. Christ, you'd think he was in love or something… 

For starters he'd been so wrapped up in watching Daniel's ass he'd walked right into a tree. Full on – wham! Carter had chortled, Teal'c arranged for his attention to be elsewhere, and Daniel's melting look of concern – hadn't helped. 

Ten minutes into their jaunt towards the temple complex the UAV had located in a clearing about three miles away from the gate they had halted briefly to remove their jackets and vests. It was either that or turn into four large puddles of sweat and very possibly pass out. Freaking hot. Way more freaking hot than they'd been led to believe in the mission brief. Somebody was going to be hearing about this when they got home. Presuming, of course, his brains didn't melt in the interim. Either from the heat, or from the heat… 

So they stripped down a bit. Was okay at first. Continuing on reduced to T-shirt level hadn't been too bad. Until… 

Daniel had stopped to examine the rather large and colourful floral head of this alien plant growing along side the path they were creating through the jungle. As soon as he touched it, didn't it just go and spit this green crap all over his chest. And didn't THAT just promptly commence eating through the fabric of the T-shirt. Of course it did. What else could it do? What else could he do? Why did he even bother getting out of bed this morning? 

Jack was there in a flash, helping Daniel rip the shirt off, splashing some water from his canteen on his skin to make sure all the green stuff was washed away, and of course then he had to, well, check to see Daniel hadn't been burned or hurt, all in the interests of first aid, you understand, nope, everything looked fine, they had gotten it off in time, looked fine, felt fine, oh my, felt more than fine golden skin, perfect, flawless, gleaming as mingled sweat and water beaded on it, so soft and firm beneath his palms, rosy circles puckering, hardening with the combination of water and soft friction… OH MY GOD WHAT AM I DOING? 

Trying to still the shuddering Jack tore himself away from Daniel's side. "He's okay, everything's okay, let's move on," he managed to grunt as he forced himself to stomp forward. 

He was looking back over his shoulder not so much to verify if everyone was following him as to see who was laughing at him when he tripped over a moss covered, unidentifiable obstruction on the ground ahead which he would have seen and avoided if he'd been facing front as he was supposed to but since he wasn't, he didn't and consequently found himself splayed face down full length in the moist muck carpeting the jungle floor. 

He figured if they would just leave him here long enough he would sink into the muck and disappear completely. Which was more than all right with him at the moment. 

Well, they hadn't, he didn't and now here they were and here he was in the worst trouble he had ever been… 

Twenty minutes into the mission they'd been forced by the sweltering heat and claustrophobic humidity to halt and take a rest. Finding a bit of a break in the tangle of greenery gone berserk they settled for as close to a clearing as they were going to get to take a bit of a load off and try recovering a bit before pressing on. 

Everybody looked pretty wilted. Even Teal'c had an uncomfortably moist aspect. Small wonder. This planet was like a giant sauna with a hell of an attitude. He was feeling pretty damned overheated himself, but it didn't have as much to do with the climate as one might suppose. Jack leaned up against a broad tree as he scanned the forest about them, doing everything he could to keep his eyes on everything else around him but Daniel. 

Might as well try to stop the world from turning. Just as he was raising his canteen to his lips his eyes developed a mind of their own. Mutinous bastards were like heat seeking missiles locking on one specific target and they found it at what had to have been the worst possible time to have done so. 

The way his luck had been going today he should be surprised? 

Daniel was sitting on the wide surface of what probably was what was left of a long-fallen and mostly decayed tree trunk. He was leaning slightly backward, his weight supported on one arm. The other he was using to lift his canteen to his mouth. His head was tilted back, eyes closed. Mesmerized, Jack watched, knowing he shouldn't, knowing if he saw what he knew was coming he was as good as dead but what a way to go… 

A stream of carelessly poured water gushed from the canteen suspended just above Daniel's open mouth, as much missing it as going into it. Jack was utterly captivated by the twin spectacles of the movement of Daniel's throat as he swallowed, and the rivulets of water that coursed teasingly down over his chin, down his neck, sliding down the glancing, sweat-glistening sides of his lightly rippling pectoral muscles funneled into the channel that lay between them continuing to drizzle down his slightly heaving, taut abdomen down, down… 

As Jack was starting to lose himself in strange fantasies about exchanging his current state of being for a more liquid one he received incontrovertible proof the universe hated him. For it chose that very moment to shift a branch or a twig or a leaf somewhere up above enough to suddenly allow a shaft of blinding sunlight to come streaming down from the mocking heights, slamming right into Daniel, bathing him in an electric nimbus of molten, dancing light turning his skin and hair and beautiful, slightly upturned face to burnished gold. 

Well, he could die happy now, for he had indeed seen the Promised Land. He'd better die soon, though, in order to save himself a lot more embarrassment, cause he couldn't remember being this horny since he was a teenager. 

He had a problem. He had a huge problem. Getting bigger by the moment, the more he looked at Golden Boy over there brazenly flaunting himself in that completely unconsciously gorgeous way of his. Not having the faintest clue what he was doing to certain other people simply by having the temerity to exist and for being just so damned – beautiful - in the bargain. Oughta be a law… 

Well, this sort of behaviour from both of them was all well and good at home behind closed doors but out here… Can't have this O'Neill. Not on the job. What are we going to do about this? 

Well, before he could worry about what he was going to do about this, he had to do something about THIS. 

Jack closed his eyes, took off his hat and dumped most of the contents of his canteen on his head. It was a start. Keeping his eyes carefully averted from the half-naked man who glistened and blazed and would just – really make it hard for him to do what he had to do if he looked at him, Jack began to pace, slowly tracing the outskirts of the clearing, looking out into the jungle beyond them. It wasn't easy, but he made himself walk, made himself not look, made himself calm down. Then came the part he most dreaded. 

Making himself face what this was going to mean. 

He'd known it wouldn't be easy adjusting to Daniel's return since they had become lovers. However, he hadn't even stopped to consider – this. He should have. He should have. Not like he was completely clueless. Should have realized – what had he been thinking? 

Although at times it seemed as if certain regs were arbitrary, there were some damned good reasons for the ones which forbade fraternization. He was having some of those reasons driven home to him right now, and he was not liking what it was shaping up to mean. 

He'd always known the reasons why, always agreed with them in spirit and practice. Had never had to deal with this for real, as it directly applied to him, though. 

In short, when you cross the line, the rules change. Daniel was no longer simply one of his subordinates. Another one of the people under his command. No longer the same as all the rest. He was his lover. The most important person in the world to him. Although given a little more time and practice he was sure he could get past this kind of physical reaction while out in the field with Daniel, he was not so sure he could now be trusted to do the right thing by Sam and Teal'c if they were in a combat situation and Daniel was in danger. 

He couldn't have that. Wasn't fair to his teammates. Definitely wasn't doing his job. And if he couldn't do that – couldn't be trusted to be the kind of leader he was supposed to be – then he didn't belong in the job, and shouldn't be entrusted with the command of SG-1. 

Which meant – for the sake of the team - him or Daniel - one of them had to go. 

Jesus… 

Wasn't sure how he knew, but suddenly he was whirling, aiming his MP-5 even as he heard Teal'c call out to him to alert him to the danger, was already firing as the huge black shape came hurtling down out of the trees above Daniel. Jack knew he'd cut it in two, knew it was already dead even as it was still falling down on top of Daniel, pinning him underneath its bulk. He was running, calling for Carter and Teal'c to form up around Daniel and cover him cause whatever it was he was struggling to get himself out from under, it had friends. Lots and lots of friends… 

"I'm okay, Jack!" 

Good boy, nice to know hurry up and get your ass out from under that thing we have got to move! He pointed to two separate directions in the overhead canopy and turned his own weapon on the sector of the circle he had chosen for himself. Two MP-5's and a staff weapon methodically strafed the trees, cutting a killing swatch in a complete aerial circle, bringing down at least a dozen huge, black bodies. Jack signaled to his teammates to continue firing. Come on Daniel… 

Suddenly Daniel came surging up behind him, pushing him down, his weapon drawn, firing over his shoulder, pumping several rounds in quick succession into the black nightmare hurtling out of the thick, tangled growth directly in front of him. Straight at him, all claws and big, nasty pointy teeth. Holy crap, Daniel, you just saved my ass! 

"We got 'em downstairs too!" Jack bellowed. "Carter, stay upstairs, Daniel, cover her on the ground, Teal'c, let's blast a path the hell out of here and back to the gate!" 

It had been a hell of a trip. Whatever those things were, they didn't appear to be scared by anything. Gunfire to grenades, they just kept coming. And coming, and coming and coming, every inch of the run back to the gate. But here they all were, all in one piece, Sam and Teal'c standing by the DHD, waiting for the gate to engage, the hounds of hell baying at their heels. 

Only reason they'd all gotten here in one piece was because of the way each one of them had covered the other one. Each one being exactly where they needed to be in order to make sure all of them made it. 

As the wormhole stabilized into the familiar sight of the event horizon huge black shapes started pouring out of the fringe of forest at the far side of the clearing, loping toward them, making high, keening, howling noises eerie enough to curdle the blood. Jack motioned for Carter and Teal'c to send the iris code and bail while he and Daniel backed slowly toward the gate, firing into the advancing pack, covering their teammates' retreat. 

Their backs to the event horizon, the things almost on them, they spared one last second to look at each other before plunging through to safety. 

Okay? 

Okay. 

Together – they jumped. Shooting through the familiar madness of the wormhole, tumbling out the other side, rolling down the ramp as Jack roared, "Close the iris, lock it up damn things are right behind us!" 

Thump thump bang thwap. 

That'll learn you, you black bastards. Nobody's lunching on Mama O'Neill's little boy today. 

Of course, he was wrong. But he wasn't to find that out till much later… 

Much, much later he was lying in bed cradling a sweaty, completely satiated and profoundly slumbering Daniel in his arms thinking just how wrong he had been about a lot of things today. However, this was definitely one of those times when it was good to be wrong. Oh yeah. 

Pretty damned impressed with the team. After all those months without Daniel, SG-1 had come back together and gotten it done as if he had never been gone. What could he say, his kids were good. When it came right down to it – training told. 

As it had in his own case, apparently. The second he'd realized they were in danger, his instincts had kicked in and getting the job done was all that mattered. That the 'job' in question had been the saving of all of their butts made the fact he had done it all the more significant. They'd been in the thick of it and he hadn't choked. Hadn't lost his head, hadn't let anybody down through worrying about one person in particular. 

In fact, he was mighty glad the one person in particular had been there. If he hadn't, Jack doubted very much he would still be here and able to demonstrate his gratitude in the way he just had. Hey, fair is fair. 

So, maybe it was going to be okay. He still had to work on that serenity thing. Wonder if Teal'c had been kidding about those lessons. 

Daniel stirred in his arms, making small mumbling noises into his chest as he nuzzled and burrowed in closer, attempting to meld with the body of the man beneath him. Christ, he loved the way Daniel snuggled. Was like having this six-foot, warm, breathing, soft, teddybear all around you. Hell of a thing. Hell of a man. 

Jack heaved a deeply contented sigh, tightening his embrace, settling himself deeper into the mattress beneath him preparing to try and get some sleep. He thought Daniel was asleep, and therefore was quite surprised to feel him lift his head and move slowly up along him until he was in the vicinity of the mouth he was trying to find. Fumbling across Jack's cheek his lips finally reached their destination, whereupon he administered a very sleepy, sloppy kiss before collapsing back down on Jack's chest with a small, happy sigh. 

"Go back to sleep, Danny," Jack whispered as he fondly stroked Daniel's head. 

""Kay," came the barely audible reply. '"Jack?" 

"What?" 

There was no response for several seconds. Jack was beginning to think Daniel had in fact fallen back to sleep, when it came. 

"Love you." 

"Yeah, I know. Right back atcha." 

"Good. Night…" 

Daniel was right. It was going to be fine. More than fine. It was going to be great. 

Oh yeah… 

FINIS


	7. Rituals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Companion Piece to 'Distraction'. Daniel's thoughts the evening before returns to active duty and what happens after he does.

I'm going back through the gate tomorrow. 

Jack is picking at his food, avoiding my eyes. Either he is trying not to see how excited I am, or trying not to let me see how unhappy he is. We both knew this was coming. I've been back on light duties for the past week and a half. Been a good boy and gone to all my appointments. It just all fell together. The doctors signed me off, a destination came up that looked as if it was tailor-made for an archaeologist, and coincidentally, SG-1 just happened to get one back. 

So here we are. Our last night together before we both go back out there again. I can hardly wait. He looks like he would rather die. 

Funny – all the things we've talked about in the last two months, we've never once talked about this. Funny – he's the one who's the most responsible for my recovery. Guess you could say it's mostly his fault I'm getting to do what I'll get to do tomorrow. Somehow I don't think he'll appreciate the irony so I think I'll pass on mentioning it. 

If not for Jack, his patience and his willingness to listen to me for hours on end I don't know if I'd have been able to sort it all out so quickly. Figure out what is real, let go of what is not. There are still some grey areas in my understanding but between Jack and the dreams we're filling in the gaps. 

Sometimes the images from the OTHER dreams, the strange ones I had during the six month period I was in 'storage' surface, but now I know they ARE only dreams – creations of a captive mind wanting to live, events I experienced only in my head and not actual memories of six months of life – I'm not confused by them anymore. 

It's very reassuring. The true memories of my life previous to my 'death' are starting to come back. Again, Jack is the one most responsible for helping me reclaim them. He sat with me and recounted, in great detail, everything that happened from the time we saw each other for the first time the second time till I forced him to leave me behind on Apophis' ship. 

There were… differences. At first. Some of the things he told me, the way he said things went, were not the way I remembered them. It upset me initially. Jack was wonderful. He would just hug me and say, don't worry about it, it's all in the past anyway, just focus on getting better now. He was right. Getting worked up about it didn't do any good. So I stopped worrying about it. 

Then the dreams started. The good dreams. Night after night I would dream the things Jack told me and it wasn't like listening to something happening to someone else. I was there, felt, saw, did, remembered. It felt good to remember. Felt like finding myself again. The more Jack told me, the more I dreamed, the better I felt. Still, there were some things harder to accept than others. 

I remember the way he comforted me the first time I found out Sha'uri was dead. The same way he was here for me when I learned about it again. It was like living it all over a second time. Hurt just as much. Except for this time, I had the added consolation of his love. Guess I had it before as well, just didn't know it as surely then as I do now. 

  

* * *

  

I still don't understand why it happened. Why she had to be taken, why she was killed, but it was done and done many months long gone. Have to keep telling myself that, reminding myself it was all over and done with long ago, no matter what it feels like. 

Even though it feels like it just happened, I've been a widower for almost 2 years – oh god, longer than I was a husband hard to take in that much time has passed when it seems – it seems as if I have only just seen her, held her – but - but – that's not possible, not possible, she's dead, been dead all this time and yet – and yet – I was dead… 

Have to stop thinking like this, have to let go of these phantoms. Not real, never real, they're only going to mess me up again if I try to examine them too closely. Don't want that. Focus on what's real. Focus on Jack. Focus on the living, those who remain. Somewhere out there in the stars I have a family who thinks I am dead. Going to have to do something about that soon. Soon, but not quite yet. Only wish I could give Kasuf back a daughter as well as a son. Hope only me will be enough for them. 

I definitely need something to take my mind off this. I look at the man across the table from me while I am in the middle of taking a drink of water. Big mistake. Huge mistake. Jack's been busy while I have been fugue-ing off into the blue. 

He's playing with his food. Literally. He's lined up all his peas and is using his fork to march them single file into the enclosure he made with his mashed potatoes. Muttering something under his breath I can't quite catch because I am far too busy trying to avoid choking to death from the water I inhaled rather than drank. I'm coughing, seeing stars feeling a large, firm hand thumping me soundly on the back while I'm trying to laugh, breathe, not die and not fall off the chair. 

Takes a few minutes, but the coughing gradually gives way to normal breathing patterns again. I am able to look up into the anxious face hovering over me, trying not to laugh at him as he says, "Okay, Hun?" 

His eyes widen in surprise, as he realizes what he has just said. I'm a little surprised myself. It seems we both have the same thought at pretty much the same time. 

"Oh crap," he says, anger flaring suddenly in his deep, dark eyes. "Crap. I hate this. I just hate this." 

I know exactly what he is upset about. I don't mind it as much as he does. I don't 'need' to be acknowledged or legitimized. I'm much more concerned about protecting him. 

He's walking away from me, pacing angrily up and down. "It's all going to change now, all going to have to be different. We can't be the way we have been anymore. Gonna have to watch what I say – even when we're alone. In case I slip up… when we're not." 

I nod, trying to find some way to show him I know what he's saying, but I don't mind. 

"Ah, that's true. Getting in the habit of giving each other pet names might not be a very good idea. Even casual, habitual use of the of the 'L' word might be… unwise." 

He turns, and from the look on his face I can see he's picked up on the bantering tone of my voice. 

"Oh yeah," he grins crookedly at me. "Mind you, it almost might be worth it to see the look on Hammond's face if I were to slip up in a briefing and say something to you like, excuse me sweetheart, would you mind passing me a pencil." 

I rise, take off my glasses, cross over to him and take him in my arms. He's still not happy, but he's less upset than he was before. I concentrate on trying to make him more of the former than the latter. 

"Okay, some of the more conventional sentimental appellations might not be too prudent, but in your case, you don't have to abandon the concept entirely. If you are bound and determined to call me names in public, you've already set some precedents." 

He looks at me like he has no idea what I am talking about. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he replies in a tone attempting to convey completely unconvincing innocence. 

"Oh, I think you do," I grin at him. "Let me just run down the short list of 'endearments' you have bestowed upon me in the past – that I can remember. Let me see: there's 'Dial Home Danny', the Excavator, Better-Late-Than-Never Boy, Geek, Monkey Boy, the 'Doctor' series, the most notable of those being - Doctor Dull, Doctor Deadly Dull, Doctor Dweeb, and few other that escape me at the moment. Then we have Kid Sominex, the Cairo Kid, the Are-You-Kidding-Me Kid. Last but not least, my personal favorite – Plant Boy!" 

"I NEVER called you Doctor Dweeb!" 

"Did." 

"Did not!" 

"Did." 

"Okay, okay, maybe once. Okay twice. Okay – stop looking at me like that, half a dozen times, tops!" 

I let it go. Had what I wanted. He was smiling at me again. 

He enfolds me in one of his huge bear hugs and I feel several ribs groan in protest under the assault. 

"Oh Dannyboy," he says into my ear, his voice breaking. "You know, don't you? You know how I feel? You know what I want to say? I hate that I can't. I hate having to hide what I feel for you, what you mean to me. It isn't right. It's just not right…" 

I kiss his neck and he shivers slightly, pressing his face closer into mine. 

"It's all right, Jack. I know. You know. That's all that matters. As for the rest of it, we'll find another way to say what needs to be said. You'll see. As for right here, right now, why don't you – show me?" 

"Thought you would never ask," Jack growls as he grabs the back of my neck, pulling my head around until my mouth is his. I find myself unable to breathe again as quite another type of obstruction occupies my oral cavity. What the hey, breathing is overrated in certain circumstances… 

I am so engrossed in Jack's enthusiastic plundering of my mouth I am completely unaware of what his other hand is doing to the front of my shirt until the buttons start to fly. I manage to pull back from him enough to gasp, "Jack! That's a new shirt!" 

"I'll buy you another one," he mutters, licking my neck. 

"That's what you said the last time," I manage to get out, trying to find his mouth again. 

"So?" his hands are roaming over my bare chest, his breath hot against my ear. It's getting hard to think. Okay, so it's just getting… hard… 

"Like I said – this is a new shirt." 

"So I'll buy you two for crying out loud, anyone ever tell you you talk too much?" 

Next thing I know he is slinging me over his shoulder and making grunting noises as he bumps me down the hall toward the bedroom. 

"Me Tarzan you definitely not Jane," he laughs as he throws me on the bed. 

Smooth talker… 

Once again, he surprises me. But that's my colonel. Never predictable, never one to be pinned down, slotted, completely by the numbers or absolutely ever what you think he should be. Given the direction foreplay had taken I was fully expecting to be summarily ravaged, and not averse to the idea in the slightest but instead he lies down beside me, looking deeply into my eyes as he traces his fingers lightly across my face. He spends many long minutes touching my face, my hair, lightly stroking my mouth, my neck, caressing me with his eyes as he carefully, deliberately caresses me with his hands. 

Then he makes love to me with the same reverent sweetness, gradually fanning the poignant flame of desire into unbelievable ecstasy. What his hands can do to me – what he can do to me, at times it seems I cannot possibly survive the shivering, screaming extremes of pleasure and sensation he brings me so expertly to. I rise, die, fall… 

And he is there to catch me. To hold me, to kiss the breath back into my shuddering body, the safest, truest, most adored… 

No more talking, we love well into the night. Tomorrow will bring what it brings. We'll find a way not to let what has to happen out there tarnish what we have right here and now. 

Before he drops off to sleep Jack whispers to me, "Whatever goes down, if they make me chose, there's no choice. You know that, don't you?" 

Didn't have to say it, Jack. I know. 

This way too. Goes without saying… 

  

* * *

  

"How are you feeling, Daniel?" 

I start at the sound of the deep, unfamiliar voice. I thought I was alone here, in this exotic, beautiful, alien place. Standing on the craggy top of a blood-red mountain, one of many which form a far-reaching spine wending torturously across this strange world as far as the eye can see. An impossibly turquoise sky above me, a black, glassy sea in the distance ahead of me, and at the foot of the mountain range – the city… 

I barely have time to take it all in before the voice forces me to turn. I find myself looking into the grey eyes of a man I have never seen before and yet – there is something familiar about him. He's slightly taller than I am, all dressed in black, long silver hair, closely cropped white beard. The face, something about the face… 

"How are you feeling, Daniel?" He asked me that before. I should probably answer him. 

"Fine," I reply, not understanding why he has asked me the question in the first place. We've never met. Why should he care? How does he know my name? 

"Ah – do I know you?" Might as well ask the obvious question. With the way my memory has been, he might be an old friend I just haven't gotten around to recalling yet. 

"No," he smiles warmly, in a way making me trust him instantly. I might not know him but suddenly I want to. "But we have met. You weren't exactly yourself, so don't feel bad if you don't remember. For the moment it's enough to know I know you." 

That makes about as much sense as everything else that has happened to me in the last couple of months. I find myself borrowing a page from Jack's book. 

"Huh?" 

He laughs and walks up to my side, touching me on the arm, turning me back toward the sight of the city beneath us. 

"Beautiful, isn't it?" he says, indicating the acres of sparking spires and towers far beneath us with an expansive sweep of his arm. "It's very old. Even by the standards you are used to dealing in. Older than your race, older than your planet, almost as old as time itself. It had a name once, almost forgotten now. Do you want to know what it is?" 

I nod, unable to speak. The sound of his voice is fascinating, almost mesmerizing. 

"Mir-won." Means 'Home'. Among other things. Not too many people around anymore who know that. Welcome to a very select society." 

He stops talking for several minutes. I turn what he has told me over in my mind, knowing he is not done yet. 

"Things make more sense now, do they?" I knew he was going to start speaking again but the sound of his voice still catches me by surprise. 

"Uh – um – yeah…." I find myself stammering, not really sure why. "W-w-w… how do you know… who – who ARE you…" 

He puts his hand on my shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze. "I did the best I could for you, but there was only so much I could do without ultimately doing more harm than good. I've been worried you wouldn't be able to make the mental adjustment. Should have known better; you're one stubborn son of a bitch no matter which version you are. You've done remarkably well in an extremely short period of time. That's good. That's good. You made it here like you were supposed to, that means everything is …working. Means you're going to make it." 

Now I know what Jack feels like when I start shooting my mouth off and talking over his head. Like trying to run through quicksand. I must be staring because he chuckles, squeezes my shoulder again and shakes his head. 

"Don't worry about it, Daniel," he says. "It's not supposed to make any sense. Not yet, anyway. Maybe a long time from now but not quite yet. I just wanted to stop by to check up on you. Also to tell you, if anything happens, if you need me, all you have to do is come back to this place. You'll know how. This is where you'll find me. Promise." 

He takes his hand away, takes a step back from me, raises his arm in a salute. 

"Be seeing you, Brother." 

He's gone, I cry out, feel as if I'm falling – 

And then, I wake up… 

I sit up abruptly in the bed, propelled by my startling insertion back into full awareness. It's still dark. Clock says 4:15. Groping in the bed beside me for Jack, I find only rumpled emptiness. Oh dear. That's not a good sign. When Jack has trouble sleeping there's only one reason. 

I fumble around in the darkness until I find my pants and quickly pull them on. I'm not nearly as comfortable strutting around the house in the altogether as Jack is, especially as we have been known to retire without pulling all the drapes. Quite frequently, as a matter of fact. No point in taking any chances. 

I find him in the kitchen, showered, shaved, dressed, doing the dishes. Well, the dishes are in the water; he's playing with it, playing with them. I clear my throat as I enter the kitchen, letting him know I am behind him. 

I don't sneak up on Jack. Not unless I am prepared for the consequences. He reacts first, asks questions later. Found that out the hard way, not long after I first came home. He still apologizes for having knocked me cold. If I didn't know darn well it was my own stupid fault I might occasionally make him feel guilty about it. 

"Couldn't sleep?" I venture as I lean up against the counter. 

"What gave me away?" he tosses back at me in a too-casual tone. This isn't going to be an easy conversation. If it is even going to happen at all. I have to find out if he wants to talk, and if he does, what he wants me to know. 

"Do you want me here right now, or should I go back to bed?" 

"Not much point now," Jack says lowly, rinsing off a plate, putting it in the dish drain. "Just going to have to get up again in another 45." 

That's a 'yes' to me staying. 

"Want some help?" I ask, picking up the dishcloth. 

"Might as well, seeing as how you're here and all." 

That's a 'yes' to talking. He'll get to what he wants to talk about when he's ready. For now, we'll just stand here and do the dishes. 

We're almost finished before it finally comes. "So, I guess you're pretty excited about today." 

No point in lying to him. Can't, anyway. "Yes." 

He snorts. "That's – terse. Not exactly your style." 

I shrug at his back. "I don't know what else to say that won't sound… ungrateful." 

For the first time since I got here he stops what he's doing and looks at me. 

"What are you talking about?" His voice is as confused as his expression. I'm beginning to think maybe I've got this wrong but I've already put it out there, so I have to explain. 

"These past months have been wonderful. You've been wonderful. You've done so much. I'm not ungrateful – I'm happy here, but I'm also not… unhappy….to be going back out there. I'm sorry if that seems cold. Not the way I mean it. It's not you. It's me. Something in me needs something – out there – almost as much…" 

I let my voice trail away, a little frightened by his expression. He's looking at me, almost as if he is suddenly afraid of what he sees. Afraid, puzzled, disturbed, or a mixture of all of the above. I'm feeling a little spooked myself, not sure what I have said. Have to fix it somehow. My mind races, trying to figure out what I've done while at the same time I begin to experience a strange sense of – detachment \- almost as if I am suddenly looking at him from far away. My mouth opens, words come out, I don't know where they are coming from. They're coming out of me, but I'm not saying them. 

"I love you." 

He recoils as if I actually struck him. His face turns white with shock, then flushes with anger. He lunges at me, grabbing me by the upper arms, his wet hands struggling for a purchase on my bare skin. He finds it, his fingers biting deeply into my flesh as he shakes me violently, screaming. 

"Why did you SAY that? Don't say that! Don't! Not now! Not like that! Not before…" 

He slams me up against the fridge, almost sobbing. I've never seen him so scared. That's what it is. Blood-numbing, sheer, quaking terror. I don't understand what he is so frightened of, but I do know I have to get him to stop what he's doing to me or I'm going to be unconscious before I can find out. 

I push against him before he can shove me back the next time, somehow managing to break his grip on my arms. I continue to move into him, wrapping my arms around him, hoping my embrace will somehow calm him. He slumps into me almost immediately, as if my arms around him break the spell. 

I hold him tightly as he clutches me even tighter, his head buried in my shoulder, his breathing fast, laboured, scared. He struggles to hold it back, shove it back down, I feel him tremble with the effort. He loses. 

It comes out at last, in such a small voice I almost don't hear it. At last I understand how wrong I have been. I understand what I have done. 

"You stood there, just like that. Sounded just like that – said that – then you – died…" 

God help me, I've been such a fool. The last time we went through that gate together he lost me. Now he has to take me through again in a few short hours he's supposed to be jumping for joy at the prospect? No wonder he's scared. 

For someone who's supposed to be so smart I can be pretty double dumb-ass stupid at times. 

He's shaking, mumbling over and over he's scared. I hold him, suddenly I'm feeling it again. That strange distancing, the numbing, must have hit my head on the back of the fridge harder than I thought, but that hadn't happened yet when I felt this way the first time and oh – this is interesting – I'm talking again but it's not me talking. Mouth is working, words are coming out I hope this isn't some strange new indication I'm losing my marbles… 

"I never left you, Jack, I've always been here. Never been far away. Never will be far away. Never, never leave you…" 

There's more, I can still hear my own voice in my ears but I'm getting farther and farther away with each passing second. Feel dizzy, everything's spinning, not quite sure how I can talk and fall at the same time… 

Next thing I know I'm lying on the floor, cradled in Jack's arms. What is it with us, somehow we always end up on the floor? 

I feel his hand brushing the hair back from my forehead, open my eyes to see his face close to me, lined with concern, his eyes brimming with guilt, worry and tears. When he sees me looking at him he darts his gaze away momentarily, then looks back at me, a sheepishly contrite grin pulling at his mouth. 

"Hey!" I smile back at him. "How we end up down here?" 

"How ya think?" he answers tenderly. "You fell over. Came along for the ride." 

"Nice of you." 

"Least I could do, considering I'm the one who pushed you and all." He grimaces and flinches before continuing. "Several times…" 

"I've ended up in worse places." I reach up and touch his cheek. "However I got here, glad you're here too." 

He grabs my hand and takes it away from his face, squeezing his eyes shut as he does so. As his hand closes over the one he has captured he laughs mirthlessly and says, "Christ, Danny, if I don't stop slapping you around you're not going to live long enough for the gate to even be an issue!" He opens up my hand, presses the palm to his lips and holds it there, his breath tickling my skin as he speaks again. "I'm sorry I lost it." 

"I'm sorry I didn't understand." 

He's starting to grin again. "So, what we're saying is we're both pretty sorry." 

"They don't come any more pathetic," I return. We're just about through this. 

"Crap!" Jack says suddenly. "Screw this! Making myself sick to my stomach here! Just shut up and kiss me!" 

Moments like this I know exactly why I love this man. 

  

* * *

  

"NOW, Daniel. Today would be good." 

I gulp down my cup of coffee as I send my mental ritual 'I hate mornings' chant out into the blue. Hate mornings. Hate hate hate hate… 

Jack is by the door, leaning up against it, staring at the ceiling, waiting for me to figure out my next move. Which could take awhile – I've only had four cups of coffee. Caffeine level isn't up nearly high enough to promote normal brain functioning. We're late, my fault; I have no idea what I need or where anything is. I stride out of the kitchen and stand in the middle of the dining room staring helplessly at him. 

He looks at me, sighs, pulls a face. "Keys are on the table beside you, wallet is on the TV, briefcase is right here by the door, glasses are on the top of your head, ass is going to be on the end of my foot if you don't get moving!" 

I rush to procure all the necessary items in the least possible span of time. Mission accomplished I am about to head out the door when he puts a hand on my chest, stopping me. 

"Where do you think you're going without your damned jacket? Freezing out there. You think I'm nursing you back to health after you catch pneumonia, think again." 

Jacket. Right. Get it. Put it on. Finally ready. 

He throws his hands up in the air, lets out an enthusiastic and slightly sarcastic "Hallelujah," and pushes me out the door ahead of him. Figure I know just the way to start the day out right. 

"By the way, Jack, it is an erroneous misconception one can catch pneumonia from becoming chilled." 

"Daniel." 

"Or wet…" 

"Daniel…" 

"Or cold and wet - ah, Jack, where are you going?" 

"Back in the house to get my gun. Isn't a court in the land that will convict me." 

We're going through the gate today. Me and my colonel. That is, if he lets me live that long… 

  

* * *

  

I step through the event horizon, not expecting the blast of heat which nearly drives me to my knees. Whoa! I'm not exactly unaccustomed to high temperatures but Abydos was never like this! The air is so close and humid you can almost swim through it. I can literally see the atmosphere around me shimmering like a moving, moisture-laden curtain. 

Walking – hell, breathing even is going to be an interesting experience. Especially for me; my largely sedentary life of the past \- well, technically eight months I guess if you want to nit pick - means I'm really out of shape. Even for all the indoor sports I have been engaging in recently. 

I'm the only one on this side of the gate. The others are taking their time. I can only imagine what is holding them up. While I wait for them I take in my surroundings. The gate is standing in a huge clearing in the jungle, at the far end of a large, clear oval patch of ground completely surrounded on all sides by rampant, wild green. The clearing extends for at least five or six hundred yards in front of me. 

I wonder idly how this can be. How this clearing can exist, why the gate isn't overwhelmed by the jungle growth. It should be, unless there is some unknown technology, some sort of a force operating in the vicinity inhibiting plant growth in the gate area, or – and this is probably the more likely explanation – someone maintains the clearing. Cuts the growth back on a regular basis. 

Which would mean there are people in the area. 

I know what I'm doing. I'm trying to distract myself. Keep myself from thinking about Jack, worrying about the state he must be in. He's not himself. What with fretting about me and what might happen, and… everything else. 

Everything we talked about last night, how careful we know we have to be, the precautions we have to take to monitor our words and actions, all just went out the window. For one terrible second before I left him I actually thought he was going to kiss me. Thank God the only other people on the ramp were Sam and Teal'c. After the show we just put on they have to know what's going on. Man, I know what THAT means! 

Sam is going to tease the crap out of me. At length, mercilessly, with much gusto and relish. She can't do much to Jack; rank does have its privileges, lucky bastard. However, it's open season on the civilian archaeologist. Well, hope she enjoys it while she can. I know where she lives… 

Where the heck IS everyone – oh, Sam and Teal'c are coming through, great, Sam is grinning from ear to ear, Teal'c looks similarly… amused. I see the games have already begun. 

As soon as she sees me I can't help but notice there is one wicked sparkle in those baby blues. Okay, Carter, bring it on. You don't know who you're messing with. I've fended off more slings and arrows than you could possibly dream of… 

She elbows Teal'c in a broad motion I am clearly meant to see. 

"Look! There's the other one! Oh Dan-niel! Yoo Hoo!" 

I think she meant to skip over to my side but the oppressive heat causes her to somewhat moderate the speed with which she approaches me. 

"Holy crap is it hot or what!" she grins as she reaches me. 

Jack is coming through the event horizon. Finally. Her back is to the gate, but she sees my eyes shift, knows who I am looking at, bares her teeth in a deeply satisfied smirk as she leans close to me and starts softly chanting, "Daniel and the Colonel, sitting in a tree…" 

"Shut up, Sam." 

"K- I – S – " 

"Shut UP, Sam!" 

"Make me!" she taunts. Time to take her out. 

I keep my face completely dead pan and my tone dead serious as I return in a very calm voice, "Well, I would, but you have a bigger gun." 

Set and match. Jackson One, Carter Zero. King me. She chokes, rolls her eyes and walks away from me, shaking her head, giggling like a fiend. Teal'c is looking at both of us, a deeply troubled expression on his face. Guess we lost him back a ways. 

Okay, here comes Jack. He's got his pockets stuffed with counterfeit bravado and a falsely casual smile crookedly pasted on his face but he isn't fooling anyone, least of all me. I had better stay ahead of him and away from him. I had also best avoid making eye contact with him. I've seen that look in those eyes often enough to know what he's got on his mind, and it's not where we are and where we're going. 

"Okay, kids," he booms at us. "Let's get the heck on our way and get the job done before we all liquefy. Who was the damned genius who pulled us this lousy mission anyway?" 

"Ah, that would be you, sir," Carter replies, biting her lip, not looking at him. 

"Well, that just shows to go you I should never listen to myself. Teal'c! Take point and make like a machete. Wagons Ho!" 

I hasten to move up to the front to walk with Teal'c, leaving Carter to keep pace with Jack. We haven't gone very far before Teal'c asks me the question I have been expecting. Hoping for actually. Definitely need a mental diversion. I can feel Jack's eyes boring holes in my back. It's taking everything I have to keep myself from running back to him. 

"DanielJackson I do not understand why Captain Carter was so amused by your comment. You were stating the obvious. She does indeed, have a larger weapon." 

Teal'c and I have been having a variation of this conversation for a long time. Almost as long as we have known each other. Somewhere along the line I became his 'designated cultural interpreter' and we have been carrying on trying to understand our vastly different but equally fascinating worldviews ever since. 

I think it has been as educational a process for me as it has been for him. Teal'c looks at the things I assume I know with completely different eyes, and as he shares what he sees and understands with me I gain a different perspective on that which I thought I was already familiar with. Sometimes to discover, in the process, I really knew nothing at all about what I thought I already knew. Getting your reality rocked from time to time does not always have to be a negative experience. 

Besides, he's one of the few people I know who doesn't suddenly remember they have something else to do whenever I start talking. He's let me go on for ages about this that and everything and even looks interested while he's doing it. Sometimes I think he doesn't really need a lot of the 'explanations' he asks for. He is a frighteningly intelligent man, and understands far more about us and our weird little world than he lets on. I think he does it not because he needs to hear my explanations, he does it just to give me a chance to talk. 

Whatever his reasons, I appreciate it. 

"No – that's bigger gun, Teal'c. Doesn't work quite as well if you change it," I reply, launching happily into 'lecture mode'. "The statement is true and therefore not funny if you take it literally. However, in this instance, the humour is derived from the use of the word 'gun' in a euphemistic sense. We talked about this before, remember?" 

"Ah yes," Teal'c nods. "The peculiarity of language usage your species employs wherein a commonly used word or phrase can have a completely different application and meaning from the one generally understood when it is used in a different context. Very imprecise and confusing." 

"But funny!" I grin at him. 

"As you wish," Teal'c shrugs slightly, clearly conveying the fact he is not convinced. "Therefore you are contending in your statement the word 'gun' was used euphemistically, not simply to mean your weapons. What then, is it a euphemism for?" 

"Ah, a certain body part I have – and she doesn't." 

"But if she does not have one how can hers be bigger?" 

I realize I am in way over my head here. Really not prepared to get into double entendres, puns, or trying to explain the finer points of sexual innuendo, gender issues, sexual orientation and the concept of penis envy. Christ, did I miss anything? Wasn't that funny a joke! Fortunately, Jack saves the day for me, although I hardly think he's seeing it that way. He's too busy staring at the tree trunk he has just walked into. 

None of us can quite believe it; he's equally astonished. Not to mention completely humiliated. I watch him peel himself off, dust himself down, attempt to toss off a flip comment which only seems to make it worse. 

I wish there was something I could do but right now he's so angry with himself he might take my head off for looking at him sideways. I let him stalk by me to assume the place up front with Teal'c, contenting myself with falling back and walking with Sam. Maybe if he can't see me he'll be able to wrestle the genie back down into the bottle. Euphemistically speaking… 

It's okay for a little while. We trudge on for a bit longer, the heat forcing us to make a brief stop to lose some layers. I don't seem to be bothered by it as much as Jack and Sam. Not really quite sure why, but the plain fact is I'm not sweating as much, or having as much trouble breathing as they are. We've still got a long way to go. 

I feel Sam stumble beside me and grab her arm to steady her. She flashes me a grateful smile. 

"Thanks," she grimaces. "Man, this is like trying to walk through pea soup. This air is so thick I can't decide whether to try to breathe it or chew it. Antarctica is starting to look pretty good right now." 

That makes me laugh. "So, I guess you won't be taking that tropical vacation anytime soon." 

She takes her hat off and swipes her forearm across her forehead. "Hah! Next person who says ' let's go take a little walk in the jungle it'll be fun' gets one right between the eyes. Might not have a 'gun' but I sure know how to use one." 

"I'm not touching THAT line with a ten foot pole." I expect her to pick up on the remark immediately and shoot some kind of off-colour comment right back at me. She doesn't. Doesn't say anything. I glance over at her. She's looking at me funny, with a soft fondness that takes me by surprise. 

"So, how are you doing, Daniel?" she asks quietly. "You're looking good. He treating you okay?" 

Don't have to ask her to elaborate. We both know who 'he' is. 

"Yeah," I respond, feeling myself start to flush at the mere thought of him. A faint smile touches her lips and from the expression on her face I realize I am a completely open book. She's reading me cover to cover and there's not a damned thing I can do about it. "Definitely okay. More than okay. So much more…" 

I can't say anymore. She flashes me an enormous, slightly tremulous smile as she pats me on the arm. 

"That's all right, don't worry about it. You don't have to say. I can tell just by looking at you. So good to see you like this. You don't know how great it is to see you – happy. If anyone deserves to be happy, Daniel, it's you." 

She slips her arm through mine and gives me a none-too-gentle hip butt as she continues. "So let's see what we can do to help you two 'adjust' so we all get to stay happy. If I have to break in two replacement members for this team I am going to be one extremely cranky captain." 

"We can't have that," I laugh as I shove her back. "You're even scarier cranky than Jack is." 

"Pfffft!" She waves a disdainful hand in the air. "This from a man who throws temper tantrums when he can't find HIS coffee mug. Like it makes a difference what mug you drink it out of." 

"I LIKE my mug," I return defensively. "It's mine. Don't like using another one." 

"I know," she chortles. "That's why I hide it on you all the time…" 

"WHAT!" 

"Hey!" Jack shouts back at us. "You two kids behave! Christ, can't take you anywhere! Don't make me come back there!" 

I love Sam. Next to Jack, she's the person I most feel comfortable with. In a lot of ways, she's easier to talk to. Couldn't ask for a better friend. She just has this completely compassionate, accepting way of looking at you. Always willing to listen, always seems to know what to say, doesn't make me feel like a freak because my IQ happens to be a few points higher than my shoe size. 

Mind you, I'm sure she's been through her own experiences of 'let's pick on the smart kid.' The game doesn't go away when all the players grow up. We certainly have that much in common, although in her case, she had the added fun of playing the gender variant version. With all its extra little rules, complications, pressures and expectations. Maybe that explains her secret life. 

Quite a study in contradictions, is our Sam. She has the biggest heart in the world and the soul of an incorrigible prankster lurking beneath the we're-all-business-totally-consummate-professional exterior. 

All that brainpower isn't wasted simply on calculating planetary shifts. Sam has pulled some spectacular stunts, a few the stuff of legends, none of which have ever been laid at her doorstep because when a list of the usual suspects is drawn up no one ever thinks to put her on it. I know all about her carefully concealed deviant streak because I 'm the one who helps her. 

No slouch at pulling the 'wide-eyed innocent' routine myself. Who – ME? 

Mind you, she doesn't know I know about the teddy bear in the bottom drawer of her desk. Mister Boo. Hide my coffee mug, will you? I think Mister Boo needs to see a bit more of the world… 

I've missed this. Missed it terribly. Enjoying being here, with my friends. All of them. It has been such a long time since we have been together like this. Such a long time, and yet, it's as if it's been no time at all. 

For an instant I feel the same pang of terrible disloyalty to Jack I felt last night when I admitted to him I was anxious to go back out into the world. As if somehow that was wrong. Ungrateful. I'm not really sure where this is coming from. Certainly not from Jack, although it's what I thought was bothering him, until I found out the truth. When I did, I felt ashamed. I realized how unworthy of him it was for me to think he would think that way. 

We sorted it. I found out what drove him from our bed last night was not angst over having to share me with the outside world but fear it would take me from him as it had once before. Well, I have news for him. Nobody or nothing is taking me anywhere except wherever he happens to be. Someone very recently – can't quite remember who now – called me a stubborn son of a bitch. Damned straight. I've got too much to live for. Too much living to do. Someone special to do all of it with. 

Looks as if Jack has won the battle. He's chatting animatedly with Teal'c, occasionally turning back to aim comments at Sam and me. Once or twice he has even felt sure enough of himself to meet my eyes. Looks like the genie is stuffed and corked, thank god for that! I feel similarly – in control. We're going to be able to do this. The crisis has passed. 

Hah! My mouth to the gods' ears. We reckon not with the Jackson penchant for untimely discovery. Christ, was I born an idiot or did I just become one through time and diligent application? If at first you don't succeed in screwing up, just ask Daniel. He'll get it right the very first time! 

All I did was poke this big plant growing by the side of the path and suddenly I've got a chest full of green goo. Oh my goodness, look at this, my T-shirt seems to be disappearing. Ah… this is starting to… hurt – Whoa! 

Well, don't just stand there STARING at it, doofus! 

Jack rushes to help me. Together we get what's left of the shirt off me, and he splashes water from his canteen on my chest to take care of the rest of the green stuff. He's trembling as he runs his hands over my skin, checking to see if the stuff has burned me. I'm not hurt, but I'm sure not okay. Not anymore. One stupid little lapse of judgement and we are both undone. His hands upon me inflame me, re-igniting the spark of hot passion between us. I want him here - now, I don't care who knows, who sees. He's just as lost, his dark eyes wild as his mouth opens slightly, preparing to meet with mine… 

His head snaps up, eyes widen in alarm, hands jerk away from me as he takes several stumbling steps backward. Bereft, my body screaming for his touch, I clench my fists, striving for control as he gulps and hurries away from me. No doubt trying to come to terms with his own control issues. 

We've come to our senses. Dammit. Oh well, at least it wasn't as bad as it could have been. God only knows what would have happened if the damned stuff had eaten through my pants too… 

I know we're both still burning when we stop to rest a little while later. I can feel his eyes on me, feel his hunger reach across the distance between us. I know he's watching me as I drink, wishing his hands were running over me instead of the water from my canteen. I can't look at him. Don't dare take the risk as much as I want to. If our eyes meet, there won't be anything or anyone able to stop me from going to him. Not him, not me. Probably not a good idea. 

He has to be beating himself up five different ways from Sunday right now. Wish I could see the look on his face. See it, touch it, touch him. I must be crazy. 

Yup, crazy about him. Strange place, strange time to feel this, but I don't believe I've ever loved him more than I do this very moment. Desire transforms me, empowers me, making me more alive, aware, exultantly sensuous - ablaze. I feel warm sunlight beating down upon me, heat dancing across my skin, fire burning within me I feel – happy… 

I'm suddenly, blindingly happy. Happy to be alive, happy to be here. It's such a strange new feeling. Happiness. It bursts upon me with the force of divine revelation. This is what it feels like to be happy. 

Why do I now suddenly feel as if something - terrible – has to happen? 

God, I really hate it when I'm right. 

No time for that now, have to get out from under this thing. Just as soon as I figure out how to breathe again… 

Which is easier said than done considering I must have at least three hundred pounds of dead, black weight pressing me into the ground. Dead, hairless, gory, slick, slimy, rotund, smelly – like being flattened by a bleeding walrus. With five inch fangs and claws. 

I can hear the sound of gunfire all around me. Along with ear-splitting shrieks, screams and growls. My chest is on fire, burning with the effort of trying to reclaim the air knocked out of me by this thing. Have to get past it, have to get up. We have to get out of here. 

If I didn't have a good enough reason to try before, I just got a brand new better one. Jack's in danger. Don't know how, but I can 'see' the thing in the bushes directly in front of him, crouching low, preparing to pounce on him. I also can 'see' he doesn't see it. Don't worry about how or why, Daniel, just get moving! 

Somehow I wriggle free of the crushing bulk on top of me, drawing my pistol as I heave myself desperately toward Jack. Everything seems to happen simultaneously; I'm slamming him to the ground, firing, it's leaping out at us, I fall on top of him, trying to shield him as it sails over us screaming. Still lying over Jack I turn, watching as it plummets to the ground beside the one that landed on me. It's okay. It's not moving, I got it. 

Jack's pushing me back, scrambling to his feet, pulling me up with him. 

"Good job!" he grunts as he squeezes my arm hard, just once. That's all we have time for now. We're far from out of the woods. Or the jungle, for that matter. 

It took us a little over a half an hour to walk here. If Jack has anything to say about it it's not even going to take us half that time to hot foot it back. Don't think anyone here has any plans on arguing with him. While Sam and I cover our backs Teal'c uses his staff weapon to the blast the path ahead of us while Jack strafes the trees overhead. 

For the moment, the way is clear. I know this as a straight statement of fact, and tell Jack bluntly I know. Which I do, but god help me - I don't know how. He looks at me piercingly for a small second, then amazingly, nods. 

"You heard the man, let's book!" he yells. "Last one to the gate is probably going to get eaten." 

We run like snot. It keeps happening. It's like I have this picture in my head of what is all around us telling me things we need to know. Where the beasts are, how many there are of them, how many more are racing in to join them off to the left and behind as well. There are more of them on the ground then there are in the trees. God, there has to be almost a hundred of them. No, 125, to be precise. Make that 124 – another one bites the dust. 

I tell Jack about the new ones coming in from off to the left, he pitches a grenade in the direction I indicate and that stops them for the moment. Sam trips and falls, I break stride, grab her and haul her back on her feet, pushing her ahead. Jack yells, darts around Sam toward me and fires at something behind me as Sam takes out the one who is leaping at Teal'c's back while he is shooting the dark horror charging him from the front. We're in the clear again for a few feet more and continue to run like hell. 

Both Jack and Sam are stumbling badly now, chests heaving with the effort of running and trying to breathe in this impossible heat and humidity. Teal'c and I aren't nearly as badly affected; we both move to cover our teammates who are. 

Teal'c is supporting Sam by the time we break into the clear, the Stargate only a few hundred yards in front of us. I have Jack by the arm, steadying him as we turn and launch a withering barrage of fire and our remaining grenades into the jungle behind us. Sam and Teal'c are sprinting for the DHD, almost there. Jack and I fire into the jungle for a few more seconds, then turn and lope towards the gate as we hear the familiar, welcome whine and whoosh. 

Almost there, Jack. 

Jack's face is bright red and streaming with sweat, his breathing laboured and painful, he curses as he falters and falls to his knees. Draping his arm over my shoulder I hoist him up again; we're only halfway to the DHD when we hear them behind us. I grab his MP-5 and tell him I'll watch his back as he goes for it. 

He's not happy about leaving me but he knows he isn't in any condition to do much else but run for the gate. I'm still okay – I can function. I'm the one who should stay and cover. He nods, slaps me on the back and doggedly pushes himself onward as I turn back the way we have come, keeping the weapon leveled and ready for them as I back up after him as swiftly as I can. 

He reaches the DHD and stands there, pistol drawn, waiting for me. Sam and Teal'c are lingering at the event horizon, not wanting to leave without us. Teal'c is starting to look more than a little worse for the wear, Sam is nearly out on her feet with the heat and exertion. Jack waves at them to get themselves gone. Scowling, Teal'c nods at Jack and takes Sam through. 

I feel Jack's hand clutching my shoulder as I start to fire into the howling, undulating black wave surging toward us. He's holding onto me, leaning against me, firing with me as we back toward the gate, up the stairs, toward the waiting event horizon. We can't believe how fast these things can move for their size; several of them have almost reached the DHD. I think it's time to go. 

I don't know why, but in the split second just before we bail we need to look at each other – and do. A heartbeat, nothing more, then we leap. 

As we spill out the other side and roll down the ramp I can hear Jack yelling for them to close the iris, hear it close, hear the dull metallic thuds of several large somethings striking the barrier. A wave of heat rips through me and suddenly I am covered in sweat, my limbs turn to water and I am panting and heaving as if I have just run ten hours non-stop through the Gobi Desert. I am thinking I feel like Jack looks. Well, if it finally had to catch up with me, I'm darned glad it waited till now. 

There we are, the four of us, sprawled all over the ramp, a sweatier, smellier, sorrier looking sight as you have never seen. Manage to push myself up to a sitting position and then nearly fall back over again. Jack catches me, and props me back up. We end up sitting back to back, looking around, more than slightly stunned. I think Jack is the one who starts laughing first. You'd really have to see all of us to get the joke. 

The spectators gather. The General and Janet and her ministering angels of mercy with other assorted SGC player extras. Some things never change, thank goodness. 

"General," Jack says to the bald man with the stars on his collar looking down at us with the concern on his face, " that was just no fun at all. No way, no how. I've had fun before. That – that definitely wasn't it. I gotta tell you, there isn't a snowflake's chance in HELL we are going back there. Could somebody get me a glass of water? With some ice? Lots and lots of ice? While you're at it, get a round for my friends here. Geez! Daniel – ah GAWD - is that you? For crying out loud, what is that SMELL?" 

They cart us off to the infirmary, check us out, hose us down, top us up a quart or two. Jack won't stay still. Not sure where he is getting the energy. Must be some sort of residual adrenaline high. He makes the rounds, talking to each of us, joking, making like we've just come back from a stroll in the park. He touches us a lot. Not out of character for him in the slightest, he is well known in these parts as a physically demonstrative man. Fortunate the precedent has already been established for it gives him the ability to be able to touch me as well, with everyone watching and all. 

I feel what he is telling me as he cracks a joke, tousles my hair, pats me on the cheek, calls me 'Danny the Giant-Killer' – god, ANOTHER nickname - rubs my arm, thumps me on the back. It's an ironically intimate exchange in full public view, one we can totally get away with and one we both need. If only to reassure each other we're both well and truly here. 

We're all still feeling a little weak in the knees, but otherwise don't seem to be any worse for the experience. Janet starts making noises about keeping us overnight but Jack turns on the charm and she relents, telling us to go home and rest. Nothing strenuous. Who – us? The debrief is tabled until the morning, we appear to be sprung, so we make tracks before somebody changes their mind. 

Jack is very quiet on the drive home. Almost ominously so. I know he has to be pretty tired. Feeling a little shagged out myself. Still, I find myself wondering exactly what happened back there. How I was able to 'see' all that stuff. And wondering if Jack is wondering too. Maybe it's the reason he's so quiet. 

"So aren't you going to ask me?" I say finally. 

"Ask you what?" he replies in a tone that says 'whatever it is I really don't want to talk about it.' 

Tough Jack, I do. "How I knew those things were coming at us?" 

He shrugs. "Figured it was just one of those things. I've seen it before. Had it happen to me too. Danger and the survival instinct. Sometimes it beefs up the radar. Comes in handy. Came in handy. Nothing to get too bent out of shape about. Whatever works and gets us home in one piece I'm all for." 

I leave it alone, studying his profile as he continues to drive. What he is saying makes a certain amount of sense, but I get the feeling he doesn't entirely believe the explanation he has forwarded. I don't know why he wouldn't, but there is a shadow of something else, a bare hint he has doubts. However, whatever they are, he isn't inclined to share. Maybe not now, but I can wait. 

Even though I am expecting it he still manages to catch me by surprise. I've barely closed the door behind us when he is on me, hugging me fiercely for many long minutes. We remain locked in the embrace then without warning he releases me and sets himself to removing my jacket and shirt with deliberate swiftness, his brow furrowed with concern and concentration. 

I'm confused by his intentions. Don't understand what he is doing. When he has me down to bare skin he starts to look closely at me, runs his hands over my chest, arms and back. There is nothing sexual about his touch. If I had to find a word to describe it, I would have to say – clinical. It's almost as if he is examining me, checking – he's checking me over! Making sure for himself I'm not hurt! I silently submit to the exam, allowing him to fulfill his need to verify for himself I am indeed unscathed. 

I watch as his brow slowly unknits, his features somewhat soften. At last he seems to have settled it in his mind that no harm has come to me. He nods, pats me on the cheek without looking me in the eye, hands me back my shirt and jacket and says in a remote voice as he turns away from me, "Tired. Going to bed." 

Well that's fine with me, really didn't feel like cooking anyway. 

I'm barely thirty seconds behind him. Find him sitting on the side of the bed in the altogether, his head in his hands. Don't know how he does it. Jack can get naked faster than any human being on the planet. I swear he must be a closet nudist or something, or possesses some strange, mutant ability to repel clothing with a single thought; you blink – they're off. Clothing-Optional-Man. Mind you, he's no slouch at making me and my apparel part company either. 

I walk over to my side of the bed and stand there for a moment, considering his back. "Don't feel like talking," he says through his hands. 

"Who said anything about talking?" I reply as I begin to unzip my pants. They hit the floor; I hit the bed, and move across it toward him on my knees. He doesn't move, even when I am pressed up behind him, my hands on his shoulders. "What's the matter, Jack?" I say as I lean forward and kiss the side of his neck. "Can't interest you in any non-verbal communication either?" 

"Depends on what you want to say," he sighs. 

"Well, I thought I would start with this," I murmur as I run my hands down his chest, moving them slowly up and down and across in ever widening circles. He shivers and begins to slump back against me. 

"I'm listening…." 

"Good," I say just before kissing the mouth he is turning toward me. "It's going to be a lengthy conversation. I have so much more to say…" 

I press myself up against him, letting him feel my own awakening as I swarm my hands over his chest. He leans farther back, allowing me to take more and more of his weight as my hands move down, slowly touching, stroking, teasing, coaxing…… 

He's completely limp against me now, giving himself over to me. Just like I planned. I lay him back on the bed and move around him, kissing him all over his stomach, chest, arms, neck, insistently claiming his mouth, tasting sorrow in his response. Not to worry, he's going to be singing a different tune before I'm done. 

He heaves beneath me, moving up into my hand as I stroke his stomach, moving my hand downward, bound for secret places. The soldier is already standing to attention; I brush by it and he moans wanting more but – no, not yet. Get to you later. 

I continue to massage his stomach with one hand while I take his balls in the other, fondling them gently before reaching behind them to softly stroke the sensitive skin between his legs. 

"God! Now you're talking!" he gasps. 

"Helps if you know what you want to say," I grin as I move the hand on his stomach over and wrap my fingers lightly around his erection. He grunts in appreciation, a sound which turns into something much lower and urgent as I tongue the sensitive tip. I tease him a moment longer, he starts to thrash about and swear. I'd say I've just about gotten my point across. 

"Well Jack," I laugh, "What you say I run this up the flagpole and see who salutes." I lick him from base to tip and the swallow him whole from the other direction. He screams, explodes, and I'd say more than gets my message while I get his reaction. Yum. 

I've created a monster. He's still shaking with the force of his climax as he reaches down, grabs me and hurls me into the mattress. He's pressing down on top of me, grinding into me, kissing me like a man gone insane. It's my turn to find myself at his mercy as he ruthlessly strips all reason from me with his unstoppable, demanding passion. 

There are times when Jack can be the most gentle of lovers, touching and exploring with sweetly incongruent tenderness. This isn't one of those times. 

Now he is a force of nature, an unstable vortex of seething, raging emotion, a tsunami that overwhelms me and breaks upon me as he does. He clutches me, kisses me, shakes me, shakes upon me, scalds me with hot tears, sears me with a white-hot river of molten words and broken phrases. I don't know what he's saying but it doesn't matter, what does matter is – it's coming out of him. What was gnawing at him, twisting in him, it's bursting forth, beyond his control. Out of his hands as he loses himself in the rough act of love. Losing himself, finding himself in finding me beneath him, ever with him. 

I know the intensity of his passion will incinerate me in an instant and there's nothing I can do to save myself. I haven't got a prayer. 

But as long as I'm with him, I don't need one… 

Mutually slaked, sweaty and now quite exhausted we lie in each other's arms, almost too tired to breathe. He has me clasped to his chest; as I'm dropping off to sleep I feel the low rumble of his laughter tickling my cheek along with his chest hair. 

"Sonofabitch, if you aren't really something," he says sleepily as he hugs me tighter. "All that time I spent worrying about you… shoulda been more worried about my own ass. You did all right. You did fine. We all did…" 

He might have been saying more but I was never to know… 

  

* * *

  

We're about to go through the gate again. One more time, like all the other times. Don't know what we will find on the other side, but whatever it is, we'll all face it together, the four of us, and somehow we'll find a way to all come home again. 

Jack is pacing, waiting for me. Sam and Teal'c have already gone through but he can't. Not yet. There is something he has to do. He won't go through the gate until he does it. I tease him about it sometimes, but he says it's just something he has to do. To start out the mission right. It's worked so far, doesn't want to jinx things. 

Besides, you never know what might happen, and some things shouldn't be left unsaid. Just in case. 

I walk up to him. He touches me on the arm, looks me deeply in the eyes. 

"You know, don't you?" he says in a low, serious voice. 

"Yeah," I reply, equally seriously. "And you?" 

"Yeah." He nods, satisfied. "We go?" 

"We go," I echo as we start up the ramp together. And step through into - come what may. 

Together.

FINIS


	8. Not Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some things even death cannot extinguish....

"That's it, Jack, just let it go. Don't worry, I've got you." 

Sick. God, he was sick. Sick and being sicker. Ah no – not again… 

Jack shuddered as another wave of nausea ripped through him evoking the resulting uncontrollable reverse reaction from his stomach. He lay miserably at the edge of the bed draped over Daniel's lap, one of Daniel's hands supporting his forehead while the other held the pail he was uncontrollably upchucking into. For the fourth time in less than two hours. 

This wasn't exactly his idea of a romantic way to spend a Sunday afternoon but at least he had the small consolation of knowing he was not alone in his suffering. A particularly virulentl strain of completely (thank god!) terrestrial flu was marauding through the halls of Stargate Command and had already carried off better than half of the personnel to the feverish realms of lousy, stinking pukedom. 

After the first couple of days of the plague the infirmary had become absolutely overrun with absolutely incapacitated sufferers; by the time Jack had succumbed Dr. Fraiser had already asked those who had people who could look after them at home to please – go home! 

So here he was, lying in his own bed, being tirelessly and uncomplainingly ministered to by his own personal Florence Nightingale. Who looked like he could use some rest and a shave. 

Well, he was a fine one to talk, not being exactly the picture of suave and debonair himself at the moment. 

Jack heaved a few times more and at last it was over. He lay limply across Daniel, barely having the strength to even breathe. Daniel put the pail down, stroked his head for a moment and then gently laid him back in the bed. Daniel reached over for the damp cloth on the bedside table, and used it to sponge Jack's feverish face and carefully clean his mouth. Jack tried to muster a weak smile as he blearily looked up at the man leaning over him. 

"Kiss me," he croaked. 

Daniel favoured him with a slightly crooked smile, lifted Jack's head up and brought a glass to his lips. Crap. More of that 'stuff' the doc wanted him to drink. It seemed a waste of effort to try and drink it – as fast as he got it down it decided it didn't want to stay. At least it didn't taste like total crap the first time 'round, but definitely wasn't any better coming back up.. 

"I hope you won't be terribly offended if I pass," Daniel murmured. "Come on, now, Jack," he  gently coaxed the man who was making a face and turning his head away from the glass. "I know you don't want to but try and drink some of this. We have to get some fluids into you." 

"Getting them into me isn't the problem," Jack grumbled. "Keeping them in me – now _that's_ the problem. Ohhh God – wanna die now…" 

"I know, I know," Daniel sighed. "That's it, one more sip. There you go. That's enough for now. Let me just take your temperature again," Daniel said as he gently put Jack's head back down on the pillow. 

"Aw you're not gonna stick that thing in my ear again, are you, Flo?" 

"It's just for a second, don't be such a baby and stop calling me Flo," Daniel scolded as he reached for the instrument. "Besides, be grateful for advances in medical technology. Not so long ago I would be sticking it somewhere else." 

"Under slightly different circumstances that could be fun," Jack mumbled. 

"Now never mind any of that," Daniel replied, frowning slightly as he looked at the results registering on the device in his hand. "With the fever you have you're not going to be doing anything but sleeping for awhile yet." 

"Spoilsport." Daniel's voice was getting farther and farther away. The room was so hot, and it was spinning. He hadn't realized it could do that… 

"This seems a little high to me," Daniel was still speaking but Jack could barely hear him now. "You rest, Jack, go back to sleep. I'll be back in a minute. Just going to dispose of this – and make a phone call." 

"Ya wanna check that stuff for my spleen before you dump it? Think I honked up several major organs this time." 

"Rest, Jack. Go back to sleep. I'll be with you in just a minute." 

Rest. Yeah. He could do that. Couldn't do much else, but he could do that. Cool lips on his forehead. So cool, so soothing. He wished they would stay with him longer, wished they were not suddenly withdrawn, wished Daniel wasn't going away. Where was he going? He was leaving… Leaving… 

_Don't – don't go… Don't leave me… Daniel…_

He was falling into hot, sweltering darkness, feeling lost, confused, so alone. The emptiness swirled about him, clutched at him, sought to smother him. He couldn't see, couldn't breathe, couldn't find his way out of this terrible, lonely place. 

Why did you leave me? The words roared inside him, tearing chunks out of him, leaving him dazed, bruised and bloodied. The loss grew bigger, darker, as terrifying as the blackness around him. Why? Why? Why? Why did you leave me? 

Jack cried out as he was suddenly bathed in blinding light. Not a comforting illumination, but a harsh, artificial brightness even more lonely than the previous darkness. His hands flew to his assaulted eyes; he blinked furiously, trying to adjust to this new state of being. 

He took his hands away. He could see again. As he looked around, taking in his surroundings, he suddenly wished he couldn't. 

He knew this place. Had been here before, a long time ago, in a nightmare he had been trying to forget ever since. Tried to forget but never, ever could. Though it no longer existed on the outside, it had never left him on the inside. Persisted, lingered, even though things were better. A black stain like some festering cancer eating into the heart of his happiness. Not forgotten, not forgotten… 

Now he was back. Back in this terrible place where everything meaning anything to him had been taken from him. 

The flight deck of Klorel's ship. Or whatever the hell they called the control area. Good one Jack, fine time to worry about terminology. 

As he recognized where he was Jack felt his knees turning to water. Groping for some sort of support he found the console which faced the triangular outer viewing port and leaned up against it. His eyes were locked to the huge golden doors giving out to the corridor beyond. To the place where – the place where… 

He wouldn't go out there. Couldn't go out there. Knew what he would see. What he would find. Couldn't see it. Not again. Dear God, not again, please don't make me see this again… 

The doors were opening. Terror gripped Jack at the sight. He wanted to run away, avert his eyes, scream, but could do nothing as the enormous metallic doors continued to slowly open. Just enough to admit a single figure. A man dressed all in black, with sleek, shining chestnut hair, compassionate eyes bluer than the bluest sea, and a smile he would have died himself to see again. Just as he was seeing it now. 

"Hey Jack," the man said warmly as he began to walk toward him. "Long time no see." 

"Daniel?" Jack blurted out, his voice dangerously tremulous with disbelieving joy. "Danny? It's – you. Really – _you_?" 

"Yes Jack, it's me." The man before him affirmed as he continued to walk toward him. "Danny." 

"But – you're …" 

"Dead?" Daniel shrugged and grinned shyly at him. "Well, I'm not the same as you are now, that much is true, but I've been around all the same. It's a little different, but not so bad. God, I'm so glad you can finally see me, Jack!" 

With a small sob Jack found he could move and swiftly closed the gap between them. He ran to Daniel, threw his arms around him, hugging him fiercely to be as strongly embraced in return. 

_Dannydannydannydanny don't care how you're back don't ever leave me again…_

"I never left you, Jack," Daniel was whispering softly into his ear. "Even when I had to go. A part of me remained, always will remain. What's the best of me lives in you. Will always be with you. Wherever you go, I'll be there. In you. And in – him." 

Confused, bemused, happy beyond understanding, Jack pulled back slightly from the embrace so he could look into the eyes of the man in his arms while Daniel continued to speak. 

"I've been trying to tell you this for a long time, but you could never hear me. Now, for the first time you've come back here, to this place you never really left, and you can see me – hear me. Now I can tell you what you have to know. 

"It's not your fault, Jack. What happened. I think in my heart, I knew I was going to die. That's why I said what I said to you before we left. I couldn't part from you and have you never know. I love you, have always loved you, will always love you and because I do, I want you to understand what happened was not the end. Not the end of love, of me, of you. It wasn't your fault, and it doesn't change a thing. 

"Things are different now, Jack. I understand so much more now. When we are encased in flesh we imagine what our senses tell us is all there is to know never dreaming there is so much more. Incarnation is the only state in which consciousness is suspended in one point in space and time and even then – there are moments when the spirit and will can transcend this restriction. You're here, aren't you? I'm sorry if that sounds cryptic, but I don't know any other way of explaining it to you except to tell you even though you couldn't see me or feel me, I have never been very far away. 

"We exist in different worlds now, but love remains. Go back to your world, back to your life, go back to him with my blessing. I want you to know – I knew. I've never felt forgotten, never felt as if you loved me less every time you loved him. You couldn't – because we're the same. I can't explain this to you either, but just know it is so. When you love him, you love me too. 

"Let it go, Jack. Let all of it go. The pain, the guilt, it's not necessary. Love him. And when you do, know I'm there with you. When you look in his eyes, you'll see me as well. When he says 'I love you' – I'll be saying it too." 

"I do love him," Jack said in a small voice. "But I love you too. Never forgot you. Never. Love you both. There were times when… It just seemed… I love him but it seemed untrue to you. Didn't want to forget you and yet… How – how did you know?" 

"I know you," Daniel smiled fondly at him as he stroked his cheek. "Like I said, I've been trying to get through to you for a long time. Glad I finally made it." 

"Me too," Jack smiled back at him. "Daniel, there is so much I want to tell you, so much I want to say…" 

"You're saying it all right now," Daniel returned. "But you have to go back, now, Jack. He's waiting for you, out there, and there is someone waiting for me – here." 

Jack looked up, past the man in his arms, back the way he had come, to see a slender, dusky skinned, dark-haired woman standing just inside the open doorway. Well, what do you know about that… 

"I guess things have worked out okay in the end after all, huh?" Jack quipped, a faint smile on his face. 

"I can't complain," Daniel shrugged slightly, grinning back at him. "Like I said, love is all that matters, and love never dies. Now kiss me goodbye my love, until you kiss me again." 

Jack took his Daniel's face in his hands and kissed him, feeling the truth of everything he'd said in the simple feeling of his mouth. He'd only kissed these lips once, and yet he'd felt them move beneath his own a thousand times and more. The way Daniel's tongue darted playfully forward, licking his lip, then deeper, sweeter, so familiar, so beloved, melding, moulding into his own such a perfect fit. 

Daniel was here, with him within and also out there – the same, the same, one in the love he had for both of them, one in the essence of love they held for him and were. 

As Jack caressed the beloved face and kissed the welcoming lips he felt the pain of their loss pass away. He had Daniel's blessing, and his promise. Nothing was lost, nothing forgotten. Love never dies. His head swirling, filling with the power of Daniel's love he began to feel lighter, fuller, stronger, felt himself moving upward, outward, surging back toward the light, still feeling as if he was holding Daniel tightly, crushing him to him, clasping his warm, firm body tightly to his own, bringing him back up and out with him, not letting go, not losing, never losing, not this time Daniel was his, he was coming home… 

"Jack! Jack! Can you hear me? Jesus Jack – I'm sorry – I'll I'll go and call for help!" 

"No!" Jack cried out as he clutched the man in his arms convulsively, implacably. Not letting go, never letting go; not now it was finally all right. "NO! You're not leaving me! Not again!" 

Jack opened his eyes to find himself cradled in Daniel's arms, his own limbs locked resolutely around the man holding him. Daniel's face was drawn and deeply terrified. 

"Jack! You gave me quite a turn there. Your fever spiked all of a sudden, you were delirious, raving, I thought you were going into convulsions…" he frowned, laid his hand on Jack's forehead. "Well, I'll be damned, looks it like it's broken. You're definitely cooler. Good news, Jack," Daniel smiled down at him. Same smile same eyes same Danny. "Looks like you're going to live." 

"Don't leave," Jack reiterated stubbornly, still not quite feeling as if he was fully back. 

Daniel chuckled and ran his fingers through the sweat-drenched tufts of the hair framing Jack's forehead. 

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I never left you, Jack. Been right here with you all the time." 

"Good," Jack murmured, his eyes starting to close again, not in delirium but in the beginnings of true, cleansing sleep. "Good. Everything's okay now. Got you back…not going away again…got both of you now…" 

Daniel hugged the sleeping man tighter to him as he leaned down and kissed him softly on the forehead. 

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Jack, but whatever makes you happy makes me happy too." 

Daniel shifted himself onto the bed, stretching his full, tired length wearily onto the mattress, pulling Jack closely to him. He was tired, so tired, but now that Jack's fever had broken he could risk grabbing some sleep. Daniel sighed, closed his eyes and let himself slowly drift into slumber, carried gently into oblivion by thoughts of Jack. And Abydos. 

  

* * *

  

A distinct, empty feeling in the pit of his stomach getting bigger and noisier finally woke him up. Hungry. He was hungry. 

Jack opened his eyes to find himself looking into Daniel's sleeping face. His features were slack with the utter relaxation of profound slumber, his breathing deep, soundless. Man, was he out! 

But from the look of him, he could surely use the rest. Jack continued to watch him, realizing he didn't even know what day it was. How long had he been sick, how long had Daniel been there for him, picking him up, wiping him down, cleaning up after him. There'd been way too much of that. He'd been one sick puppy. Danny sure had earned this rest. 

Torn between not wanting to disturb him and yet needing to touch him Jack risked reaching forward and lightly brushing his fingers across Daniel's forehead. Just brushing the hair back. His skin was cool to the touch. That was good, Daniel was just tired, nothing more. Wouldn't wish what he just went through on anyone, but especially not Danny. 

He continued to trail his fingers downward, brushing them across Daniel's cheek, along his chin, down his neck. There was a faint, sighing quality to Daniel's next exhalation, the corner of his mouth twitched slightly, but he continued to sleep. Emboldened by his success, Jack moved his hand on downward. 

He loosed two buttons of Daniel's shirt, just enough to be able to slip his hand beneath the material so he could feel the beating of Daniel's heart under his hand. Jack leaned back on the pillow and closed his eyes, letting the feeling of Daniel beneath his palm swarm up his arm and into his own heart as Daniel's warm nearness enfolded him. 

Comfort, reassurance, strength, understanding – sometimes Jack couldn't get his head around all of it. Just how much all of it meant to him. Just how much Daniel meant to him. 

He didn't realize he was moving his hand restlessly over Daniel's chest until it heaved suddenly beneath his touch and the sound of soft laughter startled him into opening his eyes. 

"Honest to God, Jack, don't you ever think of anything else?" 

"Uh – sorry," Jack mumbled guiltily. "Did I – ah – wake you?" 

"D-uh!" Daniel grinned. "How am I supposed to sleep with all this rubbing going on? Oh well, I guess as long as you're feeling up to being horny, it means you're on the road to recovery." 

"Actually, I'm a little more hungry than horny." Jack admitted with a rakish grin. 

Daniel sat abruptly up. "Hungry! That's great! Okay – don't move. I'll make you some soup." 

Jack grimaced. "I'd rather have a cheeseburger." 

Daniel squinted at him like he was a bug under a microscope. "You are so nuts," he said finally, shaking his head. "Cheeseburger. The man has been upchucking for three solid days and the first thing he says he wants is a cheeseburger. Soup! "Daniel declaimed sternly,  rising from the bed and shaking a finger at Jack. "Clear soup. That's it! If it stays down – and that's a big if – we'll talk about gradually expanding your dietary options!" 

"Yes, Flo," Jack bared his teeth at him. "God, I love it when you flash your eyes at me and flare your nostrils like that. Gets me all hot. Go on, stamp your foot! Make me bark like a dog!" 

Daniel turned an appealing face to the heavens. "Lunatic. I'm living with a lunatic." He turned and began to walk out of the room, shaking his head and muttering to himself. "I don't get it, I try to be a good person, do the right thing, laugh at all his jokes…" 

"Whip me, beat me, make me write bad cheques!" Jack yelled after him. Oh my, he was starting to feel SOOO much better… 

  

* * *

  

Jack polished off the first bowl of soup, asked for a second and was still trying for the cheeseburger when he finally decided it was time to ask Daniel why he was being so quiet. 

So he did. 

"When you woke me up, I was in the middle of a dream," Daniel began softly. "I was dreaming about Sha'uri. I haven't dreamt about her for awhile, and suddenly, there she was. I was wondering. Jack?" 

"What about?" Jack replied, having a feeling he knew the answer. 

"When you get back on your feet, how do you feel about coming to Abydos with me?" 

  

* * *

 

Danny's staring at the gate, waiting for it to finish dialling like he expects it to turn a different colour or something, doing that thing he does with my sleeve when he's really nervous or bugged. Tugging at it. Doesn't even realize he's doing it. He's a little wired right now. Going to Abydos was his idea and I know he's ready to do it and all but still, it's not every day you come back from the dead. 

Me? Right now I'm working really hard at keeping a grin off my face. Not easy. Danny has no idea what's waiting for him on the other side. It's going to be a revelation, in more ways than one. Also gonna be entirely my fault - everything that's about to happen to him. I'm rather proud of that fact. 

Seventh Chevron locked and loaded, event horizon in place, I turn back to glance up to the control room and Simmons gives me the high sign he's sent the signal. I guess we can go. 

I glance at Danny. He looks like he's going to faint. Takes an involuntary step backward. Swallows, licks his lips and turns to me, those damned blue eyes as big as saucers. It positively kills me when he looks at me like that. I don't even want to go into to what it makes me want to do. Not much of which I can talk about in mixed company. 

"What – if they don't want to see me?" he says in a slightly panicked voice, licking his lips nervously again. I'd better get him moving, my mind is starting to … wander… 

Not want to see you, Danny? God, as if! I grab him by the arm, lean over and give him what he needs to hear. 

"You know I'm right here for you. Every step of the way. You know, don't you?" 

He nods, looking at me the same way a kid does. You know the look – the one of absolute faith and trust. The one telling you the little person believes you are omnipotent – can fix everything, take care of everything, chase all the scary monsters away, make all the bad things take a powder. The look they give you until they gradually begin to figure out you're not a god after all, just an ordinary, stumbling Joe Schmo with feet of clay. No big deal, nothing special, with no magical powers to right all the wrongs in the universe, just as powerless against the working of – whatever – as everybody else is. It starts to happen about the same time they find out there's no Santa Claus, and hits them just about as hard. 

Danny hasn't figured it out yet. He still thinks I can do anything. I'm alternately flattered by his faith and bowled over by the responsibility. If nothing else, it makes me want to try harder, and that can't be a bad thing. Maybe he's right. Who knows, stranger things have happened. Mind you, I still can't bring myself to tell him about the Easter Bunny. Let him work it out for himself, I can't do everything. 

He nods, I pull him on up the ramp and through. I keep my hold on him as we step out the other side. Instincts are right on the money; he's on his way down when he sees what we've done with the gate room in the pyramid. 

His eyes are locked to the huge SGC Abydos crest hanging from the ceiling. He whirls around and almost falls over again as the tinny, scraping sound of the iris closing behind us causes him to start and gape at the gate. Stares stunned with that gorgeous mouth hanging open all the way down to his knees at the spit and polished honour guard lined up and waiting at the bottom of the stairs. 

He stumbles after me in shock as I pull him down the stairs, giving a little nod to Jordan. Good man. He's been doing a good job. I'm very pleased with what has been happening here. Also very pleased to see how smartly the boys and girls have turned out. All bright and shiny – nice to see goofing off here in the boonies hasn't made them go all soft. 

Jordan barks out the present arms command and snaps up a stiff salute to Danny. 

"Welcome to SGC Abydos Doctor Jackson." 

God, they look good! This is working out so well. Danny is blushing so hard the roots of his hair are turning red. From the look on his face I am going to be getting one big thank you later. And he doesn't even know this is only phase one of the surprise. 

I just hope I'll survive his gratitude. 

He turns to me, barely able to talk he's so excited. "Youyouyou  – you did it!" he burbles. 

I give Major Jordan the nod to dismiss so we can all go back to being regular people again, realising Danny isn't going to be making a lot of sense for a little while. 

"Thanks guys!" I call after them. "Really appreciate it!" 

Danny's got a right to be excited. After all, this was all his idea. During the long months he spent cut off from his adopted world, trying to deal with the pain of Sha'uri's loss, knowing there was no way he could communicate with his father-in-law and brother, he had a lot of time to think. He's pretty good at that. Thinking, that is. He came up with something which made a lot of sense. 

Danny's motivation was primarily a desire to ensure his adopted world was protected, but he was also not unmindful of the benefits Earth could reap from Abydos' primary natural resource – that lovely little Naquadah mine sitting there abandoned ever since we made Ra go bye-bye. The Abydonians had no use for it, we could certainly find one and we had something we could give them in return. Protection – and the benefit of our advanced technology – with certain stipulations. 

Danny's no fool. Back on Earth we've already seen too many sad examples of what happens when 'civilization' meets 'primitive, pristine and unspoiled.' Danny was dead set and determined that wasn't going to happen to his people. I've been pretty bull-headed about sticking to that part of the proposal myself, ever since I brought the anthropological team through with me on the first trip. 

Other than getting things set up in the gate room - installing the iris, the control and communications console, and wiring the place for sight and sound – we didn't do anything else until the reports and recommendations came through from the team who had by that time been living with the Abydonians for two months. Some of them are still there. Hell, Mason even pulled a Danny – got hitched to one of the girls and permanently changed his address. 

I don't know what it is about this place. Something about it calls you, deep inside. Makes you want to stay. I don't understand it, but I certainly have felt it. Love it almost as much as Danny does, not just for the people. That's why I made all of this happen for him, in his place, after he died. 

He'd only just gotten around to drawing up the proposal and submitting it to the general. He'd spent months on it – it was solid. Word was it made quite a stir in the Pentagon. I think the boys upstairs were just embarrassed some know-nothing civilian had thought of it before one of their high priced think tank boys had. Whatever, word was coming back it looked like it was going to be a go. As soon as the year was up and the Abydonians re-opened their gate. 

Then he was gone. I had to do something to try and deal with it. So, I did. Made sure it happened. For him. A little bit for me too. Mostly for him. 

Looking at his face now, I'm so glad I did. Almost as glad as I am he is actually alive and here to see it. Some days it's just so damned fine to be breathing and this sure is one of them. 

Mind you, I can't wait to get going. There's more to come. 

Jordan gives me a nod letting me know they've sent on ahead. The wheels are in motion. I pull Danny out of the pyramid and we're on our way again, hiking across the desert. Danny is talking faster than the speed of light, firing questions at me, not waiting for the answers. I just nod and pretend I'm listening – well I am – but I can't make out half of what he is saying and don't really need to – not like he's going to let me get a word in sideways or anything. 

We walk onward and I figure he is going to keep babbling until we get there or time runs out and the sun explodes, whichever comes first. So I'm pretty much taken by surprise by what he does as soon as we get behind the first sand dune and can no longer see the pyramid. 

He lets out a whoop, giving me a couple more grey hairs in the process - like I need 'em – and tackles me, knocking me down into the sand. Before I've got a chance to say 'for crying out loud' I've got a hundred and sixty pounds of excited archaeologist swarming all over me kissing the life out of me. Like I said, Danny can be pretty impressive when he's grateful. Sweet. Very sweet… 

Normally I wouldn't be having any problem with this whatsoever but we haven't really got time for this right now. The welcome wagon is on its way. Just another little something I cooked up. Danny doesn't know everybody knows he's here. He figured he was going to just sneak in the back way, say 'oh by the way I'm not dead,' and sneak back out again. 

Maybe when Apophis runs for president… 

Anyway, I've gotta get him off me before the party happening in my pants gets any more interesting than it already is. Time and a place for everything, Jack, and right now this ain't it. . Ohhhh shit – not the tongue… God,  Danny… don't do… that… 

I push him away. "Danny – we're on duty!" I manage to squeak. Well, technically we're not, but the remark has the desired effect. Those big blue eyes go wide with 'omigod what was I doing' as he realizes he's broken 'the rule.' 

We're both pretty hot for each other. There's a news flash! Our mutual combustion potential doesn't show any signs of going away any time soon and believe me I'm not complaining, but at times it does pose some problems. So we both sat down, pretty early on, and made an agreement with each other. Imposed 'the rule'. It's really the only one, but we're both pretty committed to sticking to it. No matter what, no exceptions – as long as we are wearing the uniform \- it's strictly hands off. Doesn't matter if there is no one else around to see or not. 

It's just too easy to slip up if you start developing careless habits. Taking stupid chances. We're both crazy about each other, but we love this whacked out planet-hopping life we're leading almost as much. Certainly enough to do whatever we need to do to keep everything we love – just the way it is. 

Danny beams a shy apology at me. "I'm sorry, I forgot," he says ruefully as he rolls off me and gets to his feet. Not half as sorry as I am as I do likewise, a little more slowly, grinning bravely at him as I try to ignore the ache in my crotch. I gotta get this dog a leash it's really starting to lead me around way too much… 

I slap him on the back, waggle my eyebrows at him with a 'save it for later' leer, he pushes me back with a disgusted snort and we're on our way again. No big deal. Over and done with. We say a lot to each other without ever saying a word. We never fail to get the meaning across either. Guess we're luckier than most, that way. 

We walk on a little farther; he talks some more, asking me questions he wants answers for now. All having to do with the base, nothing to do with what awaits him on ahead. He's thinking about it, I can tell just looking at him, but he doesn't want to know, doesn't want me to say. I think he's scared they may have forgotten about him and doesn't want to find out his fears are true. 

Danny hears it first. A low rumble in the distance ahead, that starts to turn into the sound of voices. A lot of voices, chanting something. Over and over again. We can't make out what it is. Can't see what it is yet, there's a huge sand dune ahead of us, blocking our view. Whatever it is, it's beyond. 

Danny glances at me, puzzled. I shrug, give him a 'how am I supposed to know' look, and motion to him to follow me. Let's just trot up the side of the dune and take a boo, shall we? 

We crest the top of dune and the sound rises up to greet us. We can hear what they are chanting – the living sea of people lapping across the desert in the distance before us. Like a swarm of freakin locusts. 

Even I wasn't expecting this. I thought Kasuf, Skaara, they'd bring along a little party of some of Danny's closer friends, meet us part way, have a little private, intimate reunion, allay some of Danny's anxiety about the reception he would get, you know that sort of thing. But I can't believe what I'm seeing. 

There must be _thousands_ of people in that crowd. Every single living soul on Abydos must be down there, in the throng, surging forward to meet us, a cry of "Daniel! Daniel! Daniel!" pouring from thousands of throats, all mingling together to create one, unstoppable roar. 

All this for a guy who still has a hard time believing his best friends like him. 

Danny's staring, breathing really hard, a little too hard, a strange, frightened expression on his face. I don't get it – I don't understand what the problem is – until he gives a little cry and jerks around, making ready to bolt. 

No way pal, not going to happen. You're not going to run away from this one. 

They like you. They really, really like you. Deal with it. 

I grab him, hug him hard, he cries out, struggling against me, then gives up, falling into my embrace, hugging me back. I squeeze him until he stops shaking. When at last he pulls back from me his eyes are shining, his face bright red with embarrassed pleasure. It's sinking in, he's getting it. He still can't believe it, but he's getting it. 

He tries to look away from me, knowing everything he's feeling is pouring out of his eyes. I grab his face in my hands, still not letting him run away from what is happening. A single tear slips from the lash, runs down his cheek. 

"I – I guess they missed me," he says in a quiet, horribly self-conscious voice. 

"Missed you? Danny – they _love_ you." 

Sometimes the truth is the hardest thing of all to believe. As I look into the eyes of the best person I have ever known I can see how far away he yet is from being able to believe. In spite of everything he sees. In spite of the sound of a multitude chanting his name. Well, at least he got the chance to see it. As for the rest of it, we'll work on it. Together. 

I turn him back around to face his people. They're still coming. A cry goes up. They've seen us. A single figure breaks from the crowd, starts streaking across the distance yet stretching between us. It has to be Skaara. The figure continues to run, waving frantically at us, an excited stream of mingled English and Abydonian issuing forth. 

Yup. Definitely Skaara. 

Daniel sees him too. His self-consciousness forgotten, he cries out excitedly, waves back, and takes off. After sliding quickly down the side of the dune he races across the sand, making a beeline for the boy making straight for him. They meet, embrace fervently. I start down after them. 

Welcome home, Dannyboy. 

  

* * *

  

Sha'uri had such beautiful eyes. Deep, dark, sparking with life. How many times did I lose myself in them, seek to plumb the depths of them, wonder at the good fortune which had so smiled upon me whenever they would look at me the way they did a week ago. 

I know it was a dream but it was so real. She was so real. She danced into my embrace, laughing, the silvered, melodic trilling which used to delight me so. Wound her arms around my neck, mussed my hair the way she always did, as she turned those lovely, lovely eyes upon me and said, "live, my Dan-yiel. Be happy. Live and love for me." 

It's like I can feel her still. Right beside me. Here, now, even with all these people, the noise, laughter, uninhibited revelry. Jack's off colour comments… I can feel her at my side  and she's laughing. Just as if she was the one holding me instead of the one who also shares my heart. 

I can't believe how drunk I am. That's what it is. What it has to be. I am well and truly – potted. And the party is only beginning. 

I can't believe Jack. Can't believe what he's done for me. I was so afraid they wouldn't want me. I wasn't even sure if they would remember me. Jack keeps telling me I really have to get over this fundamental belief in my own basic insignificance. 

He should talk about inferiority complexes. He puts himself down a lot, says when it comes to smarts compared to me he's a forty-watt light bulb standing next to the sun. That's just so not true. When it comes to knowing what's really important he's one of the smartest people I have ever met. He has a hard time seeing it that way though. The same way, I guess, as I have trouble seeing I mean more to people than I am able to accept. 

I'm home. Nothing could have been a more solid assurance of that fact than the welcome Jack arranged for me. All those people… I still can't take it in.  All of them, coming to meet me, moving across the desert in a living black wave stretching beneath us as far as the eye could see, all coming – for me. Because of me. 

I was swarmed when the crowd reached me, barely had time to hug Kasuf and see the tears streaming down his cheeks before I was literally lifted bodily and carried back to the village. I couldn't even see Jack for all the people, but knew he was there somewhere. 

We've pretty much been partying ever since. The celebration we had after the death of Ra lasted five days. If the enthusiasm of the throng about me is any indication this bash is going to go on long after that. Shortly before we left Jack told me he had booked us off for two weeks. I wondered at it at the time why so much time, but it's starting to make a lot more sense now. 

Mind you I expect to die of alcohol poisoning around day six so the whole question will be rather moot… 

Jack is mumbling something obscene into my ear again. He has such a way with words. He's sitting behind me, legs on either side of me, strong arms wrapped around me hugging me to his chest. Just as well, if he wasn't holding me up I'd be flat on my face. 

I lean back against him, feeling his chin on my shoulder, his lips close to my ear. I've barely recovered from my reaction to his last filthy remark when he lets another one fly in a low, leering voice. I burst into hysterical laughter once more and I feel him pull me back slightly, hugging me with his legs as well as his arms as he gets off on my response to his ribald enthusiasm. 

We're completely safe here. To be ourselves, to freely show our affection for each other. We're among friends, people who know us, love us, and could not be happier for us in our good fortune. Besides, they see nothing wrong in what we feel for each other. 

The Abydonians are no longer slaves, but generations of being treated like cattle bred for nothing but labour have left their mark on the collective psyche of these amazing people. They have no time for petty moral judgements, for imposing arbitrary rules of conduct upon each other. 

Life is a precious and fleeting gift they embrace fiercely with both hands, a sweet nectar to be snatched at every opportunity and gulped freely however it comes. They savour with a fierce, defiant avidity learned from centuries of living under the shadow of the certainty every second of existence is completely conditional upon the whims of a capricious deity who could snuff them out at any time - just because. 

Ra is dead and gone. The people are free now, in control of their own fates and destinies in a way their ancestors could never dream of. Yes, freedom is theirs but the hard won lessons of the past remain. The scars linger, perhaps never to totally heal. They live what they know, the way they have been taught. Life is fleeting and all the more precious for its brevity, happiness a gift beyond price. However it comes you take it. You don't question it. You don't presume to tell it in what form it should – and should not come. 

Speaking of life, there is a lot of it happening all around us at the moment. I can feel Jack stirring restlessly behind me as the erotic current thrilling through the room begins to spiral around us as well. Jack hasn't had as much exposure to the Abydonian attitude of unconcerned abandon when it comes to public displays of certain types of affection. A very uninhibited people. As I said, when happiness comes, you take it. Odds are the next fellow is much to busy with his own particular pursuit to wonder what you are up to anyway. 

I feel Jack's hand stroking my hair; he brushes it aside to kiss the side of my neck. His lips are warm and electric upon my skin. I close my eyes and shiver with delight. He places his hand on my stomach and begins to move it slowly back and forth, rubbing me with sensual, tantalizing slowness. My senses swim, desire swirls, shooting teasingly, the smell of smoke and incense, rich food, the sounds of music, of laughter and softer deeper moans all around me jumble and tumble about in my alcohol-soaked brain. 

I've never been more happy. Never felt more loved, wanted, safe as I do at this moment. Joy, love, security wrap around me as tangibly as the reality of Jack's arms. Abydos is the safest place in the universe – these people – the dearest. The only thing missing – the only people not here whose presence would give me the satisfaction of knowing everyone I love is here with me in this moment are Sam and Teal'c. And Sha'uri. 

And yet, I know she's here all the same. Maybe not in the flesh. Maybe not so as to be seen. But she's here. I can see her in Kasuf, in Skaara, a piece of her in every face in this room. Her people dance, feast, drink, laugh and love in her name, celebrating her life as they celebrate my return to life. We know as long as one of us lives to be able to speak her name she is not forgotten. She lives in us, and for her we continue to live, as she would want. 

Behind closed lids my eyes see her once more. For a fleeting instant she dances before my inner vision, holding her hands out to me, smiling as she says, "live, my Dan-yiel." I hear her laugh. She's laughing at me. She loved to laugh at me. I loved to listen… 

"Hey Danny," Jack's voice sounds in my ear again, low and husky. And filthy. "Wanna see how far I can stick my dick down your throat?" 

I gasp, hiccup, choke; the laughter can't tumble out of me fast enough. My chest heaves uncontrollably as I try to laugh and breathe at the same time and am not too successful at either. Jack rocks me and roars, tears stream down my face, his arms are fast and firm around me. I'm dizzy, giddy, and delirious with joy and drunken euphoria. 

As I sprawl limply against him the paroxysm of laughter possessing me gradually subsides. I can open my eyes again although everything around me is still pretty blurry. No,  that's not right everything is fine - I'm the one who is blurry. 

My eyes slide back to Kasuf and Skaara, both sitting close to us, a little to our left. They have been watching us. Kasuf in particular has been studying us for most of the evening. Good man, Kasuf. Truly a father to all of us, his simple, profound wisdom and understanding available in full measure to all who seek it and him. 

I've missed him very much. Felt my failure to save his daughter most keenly in what it would mean to him. He's been a father to me like the one who gave me life never had a chance to be. I look at him again, and see something in his eyes I don't understand. It's not unlike fatherly pride, but it's also more than that. More than love, certainly understanding. 

He looks at me, looks at Jack. Leans over and whispers something to Skaara. My brother grins at me, the deeply mischievous, playful, knowingly innocent grin uniquely his own. After giving his father a respectful nod he rises to his feet and slips away into the crowd. Something is going on. If I wasn't so drunk… 

Kasuf sidles up to us, putting a hand on both of our heads in a brief, blessing gesture. "Your happiness brings great joy to my eyes and heart," he says sincerely, looking at me, but mostly at Jack. "I wish to thank you, O'Neill, for bringing the son of my heart back to me." 

I can't see Jack's face, but I can hear by his voice how touched he is. "He's part of you," my lover replies. "It was the least I could do." 

"As you are now part of him," Kasuf continues. 'This much is obvious to these old eyes. That makes you part of us now, as well." 

I've heard Kasuf use this tone of voice before. He's about to make a statement. Say something important. I wish my head was clearer, so what was going on wasn't slipping by me. Jack seems much more in the frame than I am. 

"Perhaps it is proper now to call you son as well," Kasuf continues. "Would this please you?" 

Jack hugs me closer. "I want what Danny wants," he replies fervently. 

Kasuf is looking at me again. His eyes are kind and full of love. He cups my cheek with his hand as he speaks again. 

"Goodson, you brought my daughter much happiness. She would wish the same for you now. What is the wish of your heart? Would you have this man? I will say the words for you if that is what you desire." 

I gape at him, trying to get my mind around what he is saying. The – the words? Then I see Skaara. He's standing behind his father, the cup in his hand. Suddenly I understand what Kasuf is saying to me. What he is offering me. Offering both of us… 

"Whatever you want, Danny," Jack murmurs into my ear. 

Emotion wells up in my throat, swelling it. I can't speak, can barely breathe. It's too much, and not enough. Everything I've wanted since I knew the truth of what I feel for him, and yet never dared let myself believe I could have. 

We've both lost so much, seen dreams formed in innocent trust and expectation turn to disappointment, regret and sorrow. We've both lived, loved, watched a part of our heart and soul depart from us. We've both grieved, cried, wanted nothing more than an ending to pain and suffering. Both swore to ourselves we would never love again. 

And yet, here we both are, standing on the threshold of another dream. Mad to even consider it, in light of everything that has already happened? Perhaps. But then, even at the best of times life itself is a dream, a kind of madness which teases us, torments us, provokes us, dares us to find the key which will make sense of it all. 

Maybe there is no ultimate key to everything – no definitive answer. Maybe it just is – what it is. Whatever you make of it, whatever happens to you. Maybe the only meaning, the whole point of it – is simply - to live. The best way you know how. 

One thing I know for sure, any living I do from this moment forward I want to do with him. I haven't known a lot of things in this life I am absolutely sure of, but this is one of them. Live and love, Sha'uri said to me. Life and love. What it's all about. All summed up in him. 

That 'meaning of life stuff' I've been searching for all my life, Jack? Hot damn, I think I've found it. 

I still can't speak but I have no doubts as I lean my head back against him, turning my face toward his neck. I nod my head, moving it up and down against him and he puts his face into my hair saying in a thick voice, close to breaking, "Well, you heard the man…" 

  

* * *

  

They take us to the same place where Sha'uri first came to me. Giggling, laughing, patting us fondly, our family, friends, witnesses and well wishers. It's fitting we signify the beginning of our true oneness in this distant place which first brought us both together. 

Jack supports me strongly as I stumble next to him, my head fumbled with a potent mixture of strong drink and even stronger desire. I feel his heat rising, scorching my skin as I clutch his waist and feel him tremble with wanting me. 

I giggle as he lays me gently down on the bed, feeling foolishly nervous, hopelessly drunk, impossibly happy. I try to reach out to clasp him, but I can't get my hands to work. He catches them, presses them to his lips, chuckles softly and says, "Christ, Danny, you're tanked. What am I going to do with you?" 

"Whatever you want," I say. At least, I think that's what I say. It could have been, "My dog's name is Spot," from the way it sounded from where I'm lying. 

He laughs softly again as he sits down beside me and slowly, carefully begins to undress me. I'm getting impatient, still trying to grab him, unintentionally slowing down the process as my jerky, flailing movements frustrate his good intentions. He leans down, kisses me wetly. 

"Settle down, can'tcha?" he scolds. "Keep helping me like this and we'll be here all night." He finishes in spite of my assistance, settling me beneath the blanket. I miss him briefly, and try to get out of bed again to find him. He catches me in the nick of time as I am on my way to the floor, puts me back in bed and slides in beside. 

"Chill, willya?" he whispers as he strokes my face. "Yer gonna hurt yourself. I was just getting naked. That's it, Dannyboy you're cut off. No more Kool-Aid for you. C'mon now, sweetie, close your eyes. You're in no shape to do anything but sleep this one off." 

That's what he thinks. He's so close now I can't possibly miss him and I don't. A few minutes of dedicated lingual massage of the interior of his mouth and he's not much interested in sleeping. I might be drunk but I'm not _that_ drunk… 

His moans a perfect counterpoint to the sounds of my own excitement, he moves over me. Full, long, heavy, hard, his urgent reality covers me, presses upon me. Electrifies me. My heated skin thrills with his touch, aching for more. My mouth is full of him, my mind expands with swelling sweetness, carrying me up, bearing me away on wave after undulating wave of pleasure. 

I feel his deft, knowing, gentle hands on me, positioning me, preparing me; he is inside me with such tender skill I feel him already filling me before I know what he has done. He rocks me with the power of his love, his firm, steady strokes in and out stoke the fire inside me as his hand moving in time upon me sends me screaming on a journey with only one destination. 

As I fall back fainting, returning from that distant country of unimaginable pleasure I feel him shudder with the force of his own release. A soft sigh escapes him; he collapses on top of me, finding my mouth, covering it with wet kisses of gratitude. He wraps his arms around me, rolls onto his back, pulling me with him. He takes a moment to settle me comfortably next to him, tucking my head into the crook of his neck. We lie quietly. He strokes my hair; I listen to the sound of his deep, level breathing. 

He laughs suddenly, briefly, the sound making his chest vibrate. "I guess this means we're official," he says softly, kissing the top of my head. "Not that we can tell anybody. I hope you didn't have your heart set on a big wedding." 

"And this wasn't?" I return sleepily. "Did you happen to notice the size of the guest list?" 

"Cripes, no kidding," he chuckles. "Mighty glad I'm not paying for it. "You okay?" 

"Yeah." I try to stifle a yawn and end up sneezing. "Sorry. How about you?" 

"Never better. You realise of course, as soon as everyone has grabbed a couple of hours of shut-eye they are all going to get up and go at this again. The way these guys party I figure the additional excuse to get down has added at least another week to the whoopee making." 

"But Jack, we don't have that much leave." 

"Whatcha worried about?" Jack says as he kisses me again. "We're not going to make it through three more days of this, never mind three weeks." 

"Oh. Well, there's nothing to worry about then." 

"Trust your old man," Jack sighs as he hugs me tight. "Jack won't steer you wrong." 

Believe me Jack, I'm counting on it. 

  

* * *

  

Of all the Stargates on all the planets in all the galaxies in the entire universe why did she have to go and walk through THIS one. And why this particular, lousy, stinking minute. Why not five minutes before? Five minutes after - either way they could have been safely on their way back home without ever having known Apophis' fancy woman was on her own strolling around the universe acting like she owned the frigging place. 

Okay, she wasn't exactly on her own. Having a half a dozen Jaffa backing you up tended to substantially reduce the impression of vulnerability. Still, they could probably take them. They had the advantage of surprise. But why bother? 

Jack peered cautiously around the base of the statue he was crouching behind. Carter was covered a couple of feet behind him. Teal'c was squatting behind the low wall a little ahead. Daniel? Where the hell was Daniel? Jesus Christ… 

They had just wrapped up this little jaunt to D4S-123. Well, been asked to leave would be little closer to the truth. The locals had not been happy to see them. Seemed downright terrified, not to put too fine a point on it. As he risked another glance at the gaudily clad woman standing in front of the huge stone building housing the Stargate lah-di-dahing it about and yammering something at her Jaffa, Jack had a feeling he knew what the locals had been so scared of. 

Is this where Apophis had been hiding the little woman since he'd fallen on hard times? She didn't seem too impressed with slumming it. Well, things are tough all over; Jack just wished she would shut up already and move it on out so they could get to the gate and get the hell out of here. He didn't plan on acting on it in the here and now, but knowing she was here was a useful piece of information. Decide what, if anything to do with it once they had some time and space for more considered reflection and planning. 

However, right now, he didn't want any trouble. Too many locals around. They started an unnecessary firefight sure as shooting by-standers were going to get hurt or killed. So they'd just lay low right were they were at until she was gone. Then they could 23-skidoo the hell out of here. 

Still wished he knew where Daniel was. He couldn't see him anywhere. Daniel was the only one who'd actually made it into the temple or whatever the heck it was, had seen the Stargate was already activated, seen the first Jaffa come through and had warned them. Jack could've sworn he'd come back out again, but now he was wondering if Daniel was still inside. If so, he hoped he had the sense to stay hidden and out of trouble. 

_This is Danny we're talking about, Jack. Daniel 'Trouble is my Middle Name' Jackson. For crying out loud, Daniel, where the HELL are you?_

Jack flashed a hand signal at Carter and Teal'c telling them to just – sit tight. It looked like – oh crap – what the hell was this now? A group of locals were commencing to bow and scrape their way toward Goa'uldette and her happy gang of wandering minstrels. It was starting to look as if the show was going to run a little longer than he'd originally anticipated. Well why not? Why shouldn't the universe go out of its way to inconvenience him? Sonofabitch – hope the home-grown sycophants don't snitch on them! 

A slight movement from the doorway of the stone structure caught Jack's eye. Ah, one mislaid archaeologist who was going to find himself in a shitload of trouble from his CO slash SO if he didn't lay low better had just been located. Danny was peeking around the massive stone lintel, his pistol in his hand. 

His pistol in his hand? 

_Danny, don't you dare do anything stupid. You MOVE out of that building and if the Jaffa don't get you – I sure'n hell will! Toasted either way, dearheart. Trust me!_

What happened next went down very quickly and made very little sense. Lady G started looking around, as if she knew something was up. She took a step back from the Jaffa, looked around some more, then cast a beady eye back in the direction of the building behind her. 

_Crap – she's made him!_

Daniel froze, staring at the woman who was staring at him. Jack signalled to his team-mates to prepare to fire and brought his MP-5, up, sighting on the nearest Jaffa. The second she made a sound he was ready to rip. 

Apophis' Queen turned her head back. Danny ducked out of sight. Jack's finger tightened around the trigger… 

Nothing. She didn't say anything. Just stared at the bunch of locals sprawled in the dust before her. Jack eased off on the trigger. She took another step back. What was going on here? 

That sound – that was the Stargate! Suddenly Danny shot out of the temple, moving so fast Jack thought he was hallucinating. Before any of the Jaffa could react he'd gotten to Lady G, had grabbed her from behind and put his pistol to her head. After issuing a warning statement to her Jaffa he started to quickly pull her back into the building. The Jaffa made as if to follow them but she gobbled some Goa'uld at them and they threw their staff weapons to the ground. Danny hustled the woman up the stairs and they were swallowed up by the dark interior of the building. 

The Jaffa scrambled to retrieve their staff weapons and give chase. As soon as they were clear of the locals Jack gave the signal to open fire. 

  

* * *

  

The Cimmerian sun was low in the sky as they emerged from the event horizon. The woman in his arms started to suddenly, violently struggle. Daniel grimly hung on, waiting for the beam to take them to the Hammer, trying to remember if his will was current and up to date. He certainly hoped so, because he felt on very firm ground expecting as soon as Jack caught up with him, he was pretty much going to be the very, very, _very_ late Doctor Daniel Jackson. 

Extremely, terminally tardy. 

The second he'd seen her walk through the gate he remembered who she was. He'd only seen her once, during that first trip to Chulak on their failed mission to rescue Sha'uri, but she was as striking and unmistakable now as she had been then, standing beside Apophis as his newly implanted queen. 

This was the woman who'd had the terrible misfortune of being selected for the dubious honour Sha'uri had also been in the running for. The woman who had been chosen for a living death after Sha'uri had been passed by. Who probably would've given anything to have died in her place in order to have been spared the life she was now forced to lead. 

She was a hauntingly beautiful woman. It was impossible to ascribe a definite racial type to her, based on her features. Her long, luxuriant snow-white hair was a startling contrast to her mocha coloured skin. Her enormous green eyes had an oriental cast to them, but her features were definitely Caucasian. Except for her full, lush sepia-coloured lips. She was very tall, with a strong, athletic carriage. There was an elusive feral quality to her movements and expressions which told him whatever she had been before the Goa'uld had taken her, she had not lived a life of pampered luxury. 

As he hid in the abandoned temple and watched her walk past him Daniel had first felt panic and then a growing sense of outrage. Anger for what had been done to Sha'uri, rage at what was still happening to this poor woman against her will. 

As he crouched in the darkness waiting for the party to leave so the rest of the team could join him Daniel became seized with a feeling of responsibility to the woman who had just walked by him. As if there was a connection between them he did not understand. Some deep, unconscious reason why he _had_ to do something to help her. Obligation. Duty. An oath – sworn and as yet unfulfilled. 

It made no sense, and yet, there it was. 

There was a bond between them. Daniel didn't know why he felt this so strongly, but as he crept forward and risked looking out at her from the shadows of the doorway the urgent, inner conviction of of obligation steadily mounted. There was something he had failed to do. Something he'd never had a chance to do. Some wrong he'd never been able to put right. 

He was being given an opportunity to make it right. A second chance to do what he had failed to do before. 

But what? He'd never even met this woman before! Catching her debut appearance as Apophis' Queen didn't really count as an introduction.  Daniel knew he didn't know her and consequently didn't owe her. And yet – he did. He just did. The feeling wouldn't go away and got stronger with each passing second. Until it was a screaming siren of affronted justice inside him. He _had_ to do something. Had to help her. Sha'uri would want him to. 

Then the tall, white-haired woman turned, looked him straight in the eye, her entreating gaze  appealing to him as clearly as if her lips had actually moved and spoken the words. 

_Help me. Free me._

That's when he knew what he had to do. That's why they were here now, on Cimmeria. 

His prisoner began to struggle desperately against his restraint like a crazed thing. A torrent of Goa'uldish abuse spewed from her lips in echoing, dead tones animated by hysteria and fury. Daniel clenched his teeth and fought to maintain his hold on her as the obelisk before them suddenly roused itself, faintly singing its low song of power rapidly banking to completion, preparing to launch the probing beam of light which would spirit them away to their final destination. 

"Here we go," Daniel muttered under his breath as the light finally took them. 

  

* * *

  

Jack knew he probably should have just stood put by the gate and waited for Daniel and the ex-Goa'uldette to come back down to him, but that would have meant cooling his heels for hours. Waiting. Gouging his eyes out with an ice pick would have been more fun. Jack wanted to get to Daniel ASAP, even though that required him to try and remember the route they'd taken down from the mountain the first time they'd come here and retrace it. In the dark. 

Well, seeing as how he didn't happen to have an ice pick he'd decided to give it a go.  Which was why he currently was where he was now, somewhere on route to a point B he wasn't sure where the heck it was from a point A he wasn't entirely certain he remembered how to make his way back to. 

He _wasn't_ lost, merely temporarily geographically challenged. 

He didn't quite need it yet but Jack pulled out his flashlight and started banging it lightly against his thigh as he walked. His anger over Daniel's unexpected defection did not entirely eradicate his concern for his other team-mates. Who by now should be safe and sound back at the SGC. 

Carter had been slightly injured in the fracas back on D4S-123. A glancing blast from one of the staff weapons had shattered the side of the column she'd been using for cover, sending stone chips and shards flying. Some had caught her in the arm and nicked the side of her face. They weren't major injuries, and as Jack hadn't deemed the archaeological retrieval mission an emergency and he was more than confident he could round Daniel up on his own he'd told Carter to stand down, get herself back the the SGC and get  looked at. 

As soon as they had mopped up the opposition Jack told Teal'c to take her home while he went after Daniel. Though he was sure she was, Jack knew he would be easier in his mind when he knew for sure she was okay. 

He'd sent one half of SG-1 home after telling them he was going to Cimmeria to retrieve the truant quarter. What he didn't say was whether or not he was going to bring Daniel home alive – or dead. He hadn't made his mind up yet, and he had several long hours ahead of him trudging uphill in darkness to consider his decision. 

Yeah, he was pretty honked at Daniel, but at the same time he couldn't help but shake his head in grudging admiration at the vast humanity of the man. It drove Jack crazy the things he loved the most about his partner were also the things which made him the craziest. 

Jack stomped onward through the lengthening darkness becoming more furious and frustrated, realising when he caught up with him he was going to have to chew Daniel's head off \- for doing the right thing. 

No, that wasn't strictly correct. It wasn't _what_ he had done; it was the _way_ he'd done it. Daniel's heart was definitely in the right place. It was his head that needed a little kicking in. To facilitate the insertion of the common sense which it seemed – still – to be woefully lacking. 

Jack's anger stemmed from a deep feeling of betrayal, a belief, engendered by Daniel's actions, his lover didn't trust him. Hadn't looked to him to back him up, hadn't asked him, had just assumed he wouldn't – and had gone off half-cocked on his own and done it anyway. That hurt, and yet…… 

The more Jack thought about it as he walked through the darkness with only the Cimmerian stars for company the more he had to face the fact he wasn't sure if maybe Daniel hadn't been right. If Daniel had come to him seeking help and approval for his impromptu rescue mission would he have agreed to it? Would he? 

Or would he have said, 'forget it – nothing to do with us. Not our problem.' All he'd wanted to do was get the team home with no complications. Getting Goa'uldette away from her playmates and bringing her here would have been – a complication. An extremely risky one and possibly, an unwarranted one. What would he have said? Jack honestly didn't know. 

Weighing the benefits of coming to the aid of a stranger against the risk the venture would have placed his team in – even for Daniel's sake - what would he have decided? Jack realised he was entering the shadowy realm of moral ambiguity wherein he really hated to tread. 

This stuff was never cut and dried. There never seemed to be a 'right' answer. Most of the time there never was an 'ideal' solution. Only the best one you could come up with given all the variables and which usually involved doing what needed to be done in such a way as to minimise the damage. As much as possible. 

However, here is where he and Danny abruptly parted company. There was never any ambiguity whenever Danny looked at things. There was only right and wrong. Black and white. What needed to be done, no matter what. Danny would throw himself off a cliff to save a total stranger if that was what needed to be done and never think twice about it. He saw – knew – and did. Without any heed for personal consequences, complications, ramifications or fallout. It was the very heart of what he was. It was what had gotten him killed on that first mission to Abydos, saving the life of the man who now was contemplating whether or not to hand him his head when he got his hands on him again. 

That unerring instinct for 'correct action' and the driving compulsion to follow through and _do_ \- no matter what was also the singular quality Daniel possessed which had saved ALL their asses and their entire world.  More than once. 

Jack realised when Danny had gone and grabbed Goa'uldette he'd done it because to him it had been the right thing to do. He'd simply seen what needed to be done and had just gone  and done it. Asking for his CO's  help or fearing he would impede him in his purpose had not been a factor in the decision. Daniel probably hadn't even thought of him and how he'd react to his impromptu rescue mission  until well after the fact. 

Bet he was thinking about him now, though. Bet that was all he was thinking about. No doubt savouring what he imagined where his last few hours of life. Well, until a few moments ago, Daniel wouldn't have been far wrong thinking that way. But now? 

Sighing, Jack fumbled at his vest for his comm, keyed the instrument and spoke into it. 

"Danny? You reading me?" 

A brief silence. Then Daniel's voice issued forth from the device in his vest pocket. 

"Jack." Cautious, guarded. Wary, even. 

Gee, wonder why?  Jack snorted to himself. 

"So, howzitgowan?" Jack continued in a light voice. "We bagged our quota of damsels in distress for the day, or you have any more heroics planned I should know about?" 

"I'm sorry…" The tone of Daniel's response was deeply contrite, but not ashamed. "I know it was stupid and if you scrub me from the team for the rest of my life I won't blame you but –" 

"But you had to do it – yeah, I know," Jack replied in a tired voice, cutting off the rest of Daniel's response. "I'm not saying I approve, not saying that at all, but I understand." 

Jack walked on through the long ensuing silence. He smiled to himself as he tried to visualise the stunned look no doubt on currently owning  Daniel's face. Well, Daniel Jackson wasn't the only one in this world full of surprises. 

"You're not mad at me?" Daniel finally replied in a slightly suspicious voice. 

"No Danny, I'm not," Jack replied to the comm. "I'll confess I'm still not pleased with what you did, though. That's not going to pass without some consequences. Hammond will have more than a few things to say to you as well. My regards to the lady, but you are still in some pretty deep doo-doo here." 

"Yeah, I figured,"  Daniel sighed.  "Jack, I'm sorry if this sounds completely uncontrite of me but whatever happens to me it will have been worth it. Speaking of Luena, when you meet her, I'm sure you'll see what I mean." 

_Loo-EE-na? Ooooohh – so it's LOO-EE-NA now, is it?_

"Well, you'd better tell her you're a married man," Jack growled into the comm. 

A peal of laughter was his only answer. Jack frowned at the instrument in his vest pocket and quickened his pace. 

_Luena. Huh! Loo-EE-na! What kind of a stupid name is Loo-EE-na?_

Jack realised he was muttering, walking even faster. He just suddenly felt this need to get to Danny as soon as possible. No reason. He just… wanted to. His sudden, urgent desire for a reunion had nothing to do with the fact Daniel was out there… in the dark… alone. With Loo-EE-na… 

Nothing to do with that whatsoever. 

It wasn't that he didn't trust Danny or anything, but he had seen Loo-EE-na and she wasn't exactly chopped liver, there was the whole gratitude thing probably going on… 

Really, he did trust Danny but didn't know her from a hole in the ground and Danny wasn't exactly too hard on the eyes either, and he did tend to be a bit of a babe in the woods when it came to certain things – noticing when women had the hots for him was one of them and who _knew_ what might be going through _her_ head, they were out there all alone, it was a gorgeous night, stars shining, moon was starting to rise… oh crap… 

Cursing under his breath, Jack started to run. 

  

* * *

  

To borrow one of Danny's favourite phrases: Déjà vu. 

Seems it wasn't so long ago we were right smack in the middle of a homecoming party. Well, here we are again. Luena's people are every bit as glad to see her, but they have a completely different way of expressing it than the Abydonians. Not that they don't really get into life, they just seem to approach the whole thing from a much more contemplative point of view. Which means a lot of thinking – a hell of a lot of talking. 

Danny's happier than a pig in shit. Died and gone to heaven. Plunked down in the midst of a whole passle of people who think just like him. The whole lot of 'em all sitting in a big circle tossing around this 'higher purpose higher meaning' stuff until their brains implode and start dripping out their ears. Well, that's okay, let him have his fun. Me? I'm quite happy sitting here enjoying the view. 

He did try and explain all this 'dreaming' stuff Luena was talking about as we were going back down the mountain. He said it sounded like what this anthropologist named Castanets or something  had been taught by a guy named don Juan. This guy Castanets wrote a whole bunch of books about it, apparently. I always thought don Juan was some kind of world class Romeo, shows you what I know. 

I said he did try and explain it but to be honest, I wasn't paying much attention. Not that I didn't appreciate him making the effort, but most of my energy was going into trying to win over the warrior princess before she decided to try and take my head off. It wasn't exactly love at first sight. As hard as that might be to believe. She really had this attitude thing going, but to be fair, I guess I did too. Turns she was very grateful to Danny for having freed her, as I'd pretty much figured, but she wasn't interesting in jumping his bones. Determined to keep them in one piece was more what she had in mind. That much we certainly have in common. 

Still, it was a bit of relief to get it straightened out and determine she wasn't determined to make a play for Daniel. Because to be honest, if it had come down to me having to fight her for him, I'm not completely convinced I could take her. 

She sure was a sight coming at me the first time. Had a new look and a whole new attitude to go along with it. Danny had left us with an over-done version of a sulky Cleopatra and come back with this wild-eyed, muscle-bound, lean, mean, no-accessories-included six-foot Amazonian package of unbridled female fury. She also seemed to have taken custody of his knife – no doubt what she had used to hack her dress off mid-thigh. I didn't ask and wasn't particularly interested in finding out if she knew any other ways to use it. 

I wish I could say I won her over with my good looks and boyish charm, but the fact we were all getting along pretty famously by the time we made it back to the gate was entirely Danny's doing. That boy could charm water buffaloes out of trees, next time you have a problem with one, give him a call. If he isn't too busy saving the world I'm sure he'll be more than happy to lend you a hand. 

It really kills me to admit this and will never do it to his face, but turns out – once again – Danny knew what he was doing. De-Goa'ulding Xena here is a big bonus for our side. 

Hammond is going to be a very happy man when he finds out what we have here. Nothing less than a very co-operative and surprisingly emotionally balanced young woman who has the memories of Apophis' queen in her head and who is more than willing to tell us what she knows. She seems to be able to get to it pretty easy, if the stuff she has already told us is any indication, and it doesn't seem to bother her too much to do it. Free access to all that Goa'uld insider information? I think it's a good enough pay-off to keep Danny's butt out of that sling. 

I can think of much better uses to put it to anyway… 

Ohhh, my mind is wandering again, but I just can't help it. Like I said, admiring the view. Danny is so cute when he's focussed. Right now he's sitting here, arms wrapped around one bent knee, his chin resting upon it, his expression absolutely rapt, those, big, blue eyes completely given over to the woman standing the middle of the circle. Matarei. Luena's mother. She also seems to be the Lord High Grand Poobah of the place. What do they call it? Lanolin? No, that wasn't it. Lan or Lon something. Anyway, Danny knows. I'll get it from him later. 

Matarei might be older than Luena but she is every bit as physically stupendous. As are the Telshar – that's what they call themselves – as a people. I haven't seen anybody yet over 12 who is under five feet ten and isn't built like a brick shit house. Men and women. 

However, Matarei's physical presence isn't what is the most impressive thing about her – as damned inspiring as it is. That amazing frame is overlaid with a tangible aura of wisdom and serenity and not a small amount of understated, carefully rationed charisma. She obviously throttles it back quite a bit, but I have no doubt if she decided to turn the high beams on the woman could stop a charging rhino just by looking at it. Handsome woman, impressive human being. 

She's been addressing the group for quite a while but I haven't been listening. I can't seem to keep my eyes off Danny and to be perfectly honest, I'm having impure thoughts. Again. All this smoke and the low, flickering light of the torches isn't helping much. 

Whoa, I don't know what these guys are burning in that fire pit but it smells a little funny. They've been passing around a clay pipe, everybody's taking a hit. It hasn't made it to Danny and me yet, but all of a sudden I feel like I'm back in Larry Mason's garage, drooling over his Dad's Playboys and getting high. God, those were the days. 

I wonder what Daniel did when he was fifteen? Somehow can't see him as having a Larry Mason in his life. Too bad for him. Suddenly I realize I don't know all that much about Danny's life before he came into mine, and that bothers me. As well it should.  I'm gonna have to do something about that. 

Oh Momma! Who's spinning the room? Damn! I feel weird and I don't like it! It's getting worse, vision swimming, feel myself starting to fall over and reach out for Danny – just about the same time I feel him grabbing hold of me. Things are getting very far away – someone has their hand on my head – voices, low, steady drumming, a woman's voice, overtop all the other voices lowly chanting, the sound rising, getting louder, rhythmic, hypnotic, rising in power, beating in my blood with the throbbing of my heart. 

Not my heart – Danny's. I can feel it beating in my head. Like I can feel him – his fear, confusion, excitement, as strong and real as my own. Oh, this is spooky,  I can feel his concern for me. Clearly, distinctly, every emotion running through him as if they are my own. Okay, this is weird. But I like it… 

The voice, Matarei's voice. Saying something, over and over. What is she saying – what is she doing to us? 

"One as you desire. Never apart though separated. So you shall see, so you shall feel, so you shall know. So you shall find your way back to each other. One as you desire…" 

Well, that's nice. I think I'll go to sleep now… 

  

* * *

  

Luena went back home today. Just for a bit of a visit. She'll be back. God help us all. She's spent the last three weeks spilling her guts and everybody is so happy with what she had to say they've stopped just short of dancing in the streets. What's really funny is instead of getting crucified for pulling a lone wolf stupid Daniel might just get a medal for this. All I need, there'll be no living with him then. 

When we got home from Luena's pot party, the first chance we got Daniel and I compared notes, and he had the same weird sensation of knowing what I was feeling as I did with him. He heard Matarei say the same things too, though he doesn't know what any of it means any more than I do. If it had just been me I could have chalked the whole thing up to a trip induced by second hand smoke, but the fact Danny experienced it too seems to rule that one out. 

Well, it's not as if we haven't already been through more than our share of weird-ass stuff in the past few years; here's another one for the scrapbook. Whatever it was she did to us – and I'm betting she did something - it doesn't seem to have left us any worse for the wear. Nothing showed up during the medical, I tried buttonholing Luena about it, all she would say is Mom granted us our heart's desire. Her way of saying thanks. 

Not meaning to sound ungrateful or anything, but I would have settled for a card and a warm handshake. 

Danny's been a little down since Luena left. Not simply because she's gone, though it's partly because of that. Okay, I'm missing the big lugette a bit myself. She's quite a pistol. Most of the male segment of the base population are hopelessly in lust and the female contingent can't stop laughing at the guys 'cause Lu could care less about raising the collective libido levels of the SGC and won't give a single one of them the time of day. No, she seems to have this 'mission' she can't be distracted from, and whatever it is, it seems to have a lot to do with Daniel. Okay, I'm in there somewhere too, but only because, I think, I'm with him. 

What's bugging Daniel, I think, is something she said to us both, before she left. I gotta admit it's got me thinking as well. No laughing – I do occasionally use my head for more than holding my hat up. 

A bunch of us saw her off. She motioned for Daniel and me to follow her up the ramp. Wanted to say something to both of us in private. I know she meant well, but I could have done without hearing it, to tell you the truth. 

She took us both by the hand and called us by those funny nicknames she has for us. 'Leader Who Follows.' That's me. You could make a case for it being insightful, I suppose. However, what she calls Daniel – that's just plain scary. 'Unborn One'.  I don't know how she knows how right she is. 

Fortunately Danny doesn't seem to feel any great need for her to elaborate. Thank God. If he ever had to pick a time to suspend that normally insatiable curiosity of his, I'm deeply grateful this was it. 

Anyway, she addressed us by the nicknames and then laid this little bit of a dubious benediction on us. "Don't worry, when the darkness comes, I will return to help you find him," she says to me. To Daniel, she says. "Your heart is pure. It will protect you. Be what you are and nothing can harm you. Or him." 

Peachy, huh? Then she tucked her little Sagan box under her arm and off she went back home. 

I've been thinking about what she said ever since, and from the look on his face, I can tell Daniel has been too. He's sitting there on the other side of the couch, staring into space. If he sticks that lower lip out any farther pigeons will be able to roost on it. 

I'm tired of thinking. Tired of sitting around here getting bummed out. I think it's just about time we changed the mood a bit… 

I reach over and poke Daniel in the ribs. He's ticklish as hell, really hates it when I do that. Of course, that's why I do it. He's also incredibly cute when he's mad.  Don't wanna say how hot it gets me when he goes off all over me....uh - never mind.... 

"Cut that out!" he snaps at me. Oh baby… 

I poke him again. He flinches and turns on me, blue eyes snapping, breathing fire. He's really mad now. This is going to be good. I probably should hate myself when I pull this crap on him, but he always thanks me later. 

"I said, cut that out," he hisses, glaring at me through narrowed eyes. 

"Make me," I taunt him as I reach out to poke him again. 

He lets out a huge, frustrated yell and leaps at me. We tussle briefly, end up tumbling over the arm of the couch, taking the lamp with us as we go. Damn, just replaced that thing last week. I suppose we could try to go a little easier on the furniture and fixtures but somehow it wouldn't be quite so much fun. 

We roll around on the carpet for a bit, Danny swearing a blue streak at me. He's been doing that so frequently lately I'm getting pretty good at picking out the Goa'uld cuss words. I hear 'em often enough! 

He ends up on top of me, grabs a hold of my shirt, lifts me up off the floor with it until my face is only a few inches from him. 

"We broke another lamp," he growls in a voice still stiff with anger. 

"I know," I reply, grinning from ear to ear. His voice is angry, but I can see his eyes coming alive with quite another emotion. Just like I planned. "Whose turn is it to pay for it this time?" 

"I don't know," he replies, his voice thicker, lower. "I don't care. Bill me." He groans, closes his eyes, looks at me again with lust leaking out of them. Works for me. 

"I don't know why I let you get to me like this," he breathes, looking at my mouth. "Must be because I love you so much." 

"Ya think?" That's all I have time for. His mouth is clamped on mine, we're lying on the floor, clothes flying, who gives a shit about the lamp if I wasn't so busy I'd get up and break the other one to celebrate. 

Yeah, I'll follow him all right. Undomesticated equines and all couldn't keep me away from him. I kiss him, deep, hard, madly, he's crazy right back at me. Licking me, biting me, mental all over me. I can hardly hold onto him he's so turned on. He's not doing a bad job of lighting my fuse either. 

To hell with Luena, doomsayers, darkness and whatever else, I've got him; I'm not letting go and God help anyone who tries to make me. There isn't anyone or anything gonna take him away from me. 

I go off, so does he, he collapses on top of me, breathing hard, laughing. 

"Bastard," he sighs, nuzzling my cheek. "So what do you say, wise guy, had enough already, or want to go for the best two falls out of three?" 

Oh baby, I'm there…

FINIS


	9. Yardwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel gets hot, Jack gets bothered, the lawn wonders what it ever did to get into the middle of this...

God, but it was a great day to be alive!  The sun was shining; it was a perfect, warm, sultry summer day.  Not too hot \- just right.  Jack was nice and relaxed and damned comfortable, stretched out in a lounge chair on the deck, basking in the warmth, cool drink close to hand.  The view from where he was sitting was pretty spectacular as well.  Great scenery.  Positively breathtaking. 

Perfect.  Oh yeah. 

Jack took another drink from the frosted glass in his hand, his eyes roaming appreciatively over the naked, sweat-glistening chest of the man enthusiastically pushing the lawnmower around on his back lawn.  Jack couldn't help wondering why it was he'd always hated yard work.  Couldn't for the life of him think of the reason. 

He sure didn't hate it now.  Hell no.  He could watch Danny do it for hours. 

It warmed his heart, along with a few other areas, to see how much the boy seemed to be enjoying himself.  Strange the things that made Danny happy.  Who knew getting to mow a lawn would send him into paroxysms of joy? Well, if cutting the grass made him want to turn cartwheels of delight he should be positively creaming his jeans when it came time to shovelling snow. 

Jack was just as determined not to deprive Daniel of any opportunity to enjoy himself in that respect either. 

Damned unselfish of him, he realized.  Just the kinda guy he was.  Always thinking of his fellow man.  Especially this particular fellow man, who was looking especially gorgeous at the moment, all hot, flushed, sweaty, excited… 

_Settle down, Jack!  We don't want to distract - ah - deprive the boy of his enjoyment.  At least not until he's finished mowing **and** raking._

Daniel looked up, saw the man on the deck leering appreciatively at him, grinned and mouthed the words, 'How are the knees'?  Jack was getting very good at lip reading.  Danny was never one to let something as trivial as the deafening noise of a lawnmower defeat his urge to constantly communicate. 

There really was only one **sure** way to get Danny to shut up but he was a little far away for it at the moment. 

Jack shrugged, affecting his best long-suffering expression in response to the kind concern for his comfort rendered by his considerate and extremely hard-working partner.  Who was in the process of turning around in order to continue pushing the mower back down the lawn, thereby affording Jack ample opportunity to make the entirely accurate observation Daniel was every bit as tasty going as coming. 

_Oh momma, better not think about the 'coming' part.  There's still a little less than half the lawn left to go.  The lawn is gonna look slightly peculiar if you pull him off it now.  All that energy.  Damn!_

_I wonder how he feels about washing windows?_

Jack unashamedly sucked at his drink and salivated, experiencing not the slightest twinge of guilt happily sitting doing nothing but sipping and leering while Daniel toiled and sweated under the sun.  In fact the whole business with his knees was a little 'only partly true' fiction the pair of them had tacitly agreed upon as an 'all the time fact' for the purposes of excusing Jack from participating in an activity neither one of them wanted him having any part of. 

Daniel really, honestly wanted to be doing what he was doing.  All by himself.  He'd practically pinned Jack to the wall with his fierce determination to get Jack to agree to letting him take over a chore Jack used to put at least as much energy into trying to avoid doing as actually doing it.  Although he'd been a little surprised at being practically begged for the privilege, Jack had wisely decided not to look a gift Daniel in the mouth and had tried not to look too gleeful as he'd sighed, rolled his eyes and said, 'oh, okay, if it's what you **REALLY** want…' 

Knock yourself out, kid! 

Funny how things get changed by the way you look at them.  Mowing the lawn was mowing the lawn. Whoop de do.  So what? To him, it was a huge, honkin' waste of time.  To Daniel, it was a freakin' religious experience. 

Go figure. 

Still, given the sort of life his lover had probably had up to this point, Jack found he could see a way to understand why Daniel might get more out of - mowing - than he did.  It probably wasn't the sort of thing he'd exactly had much opportunity to experience.  No doubt there hadn't been too many lawns in Daniel's life. Or anything else of the whole, settled, domestic package the activity was part and parcel of. 

Maybe it wasn't so much the mowing getting Danny all cranked as what it meant to him.  The meaning of life stuff he was always finding everywhere he looked in even the most mundane of circumstances.   Danny could make something meaningful out of a bowl of soggy cereal.  Beat the hell outta him why Danny felt he **needed** to, but if it made him happy, more power to him. 

So maybe it was more about meaning than mowing.   Maybe that was why he got so much of a kick out of watching Daniel get a kick out of doing it. 

Maybe it also meant the more Daniel liked doing it for whatever reason he liked doing it, the more he would keep wanting to do it.  Which meant Daniel would just have to keep sticking around in order to be able to keep on doing it. 

Which was more than fine with him. 

Of course, Jack sincerely hoped there were other inducements knocking about the ole homestead Daniel would be consider equally meaningful reasons to hang around for.  One of which had bad knees, it was true, but only sometimes. 

Daniel had reached the end of the yard, had turned around and was coming back up toward him again. Only one more strip of wild, primordial green to cut down to size and the lawn could be pronounced acceptable and therefore less objectionable to the neighbours.  Jack raised his glass in salute to newly trimmed green carpet beneath him, sending it his fervent wishes for its continued good health and growth.  While making a mental note to put a little fertilizer on the patch down in the corner looking a little bare.  Hell, while he was at it, he'd do the whole thing.  He definitely wanted the grass to grow.  Long and quick. Whatever it took to make it so.  He had to make sure Danny had plenty to do to keep him happy. 

Until the snow started falling. 

Jack sighed contentedly as he sipped his drink and drank his fill of his unobstructed vision of a hot, sweaty, happy Daniel. Damn, damn and damn, but the boy was looking fine!  Jack began to feel the familiar stirrings of the funny feeling he would always get, especially during moments like this, while watching Daniel without him realizing he was doing it.  It was a familiar feeling, and yet it still always surprised him with how good it made him feel every single time it happened.  The tingly, giddy sensation in the pit of his stomach kinda spontaneously bubbling up, making him feel like his gut was full of helium and laughing gas.  The tingling would pick up speed, moving up, wrapping around his heart, making it beat faster.  Then his throat would get funny, go all dry, kinda close up and before he knew it, the glow was spreading to his head and he was feeling like someone had punched him right between the eyes.  But in a good way.  The intoxicating light headedness would start him thinking, thinking about...things, a lot of things not having a lot to do with looking any more and a whole lot more to do with touching.  A LOT of touching - feeling the glistening chest, running his tongue across that flat stomach, rubbing, rubbing parts with other parts, getting both hands on that ass, squeezing it tight… 

And then things would definitely start happening in an area having nothing to do with his head whatsoever not unlike what was happening right now. 

Good golly miss molly, there's a fire down below. 

Maybe the raking could wait.   Oh yeah, it could wait.  Daniel had definitely earned a bit of a rest.  Not that he was actually going to **get** one, mind. 

Holy crap, and didn't the boy have an impeccable sense of timing!  Having disposed of the last strip of green Daniel turned off the mower, conveniently sparing Jack the necessity of having to raise his voice or his ass out of his comfortable chair for jumping up and down on the deck in order to get Danny's attention. 

Daniel was just too good to him.  Well, he could be considerate too! 

"Daniel," Jack began in his 'just thinking about what's best for you' voice as he pressed his cold glass to his now slightly fevered brow, "you're starting to look a little red there.  Did you put on sun block like I told you before going out in the sun like that?" 

"Uh…yeah," Daniel paused in the middle of winding the extension cord back up, trying to look over his shoulder and down his back in an attempt to visually check himself out to verify the information he had just received.  "Are you sure? I don't see anything…" 

"Trust me, Daniel, you definitely need more sun block." 

"Uh huh," Daniel hesitated, looking up at Jack, a slightly puzzled expression on his face, the extension cord hanging from his hand.  "What about the - " 

"Leave it," Jack replied, a little too hastily.  "You can put it away after.  Not like it's going anywhere.  I think it's much more important to make sure you don't get a sunburn, don't you?  Wouldn't want that, now would we, Daniel?" 

Daniel shook his head slowly, a small smile starting to play with his lips.  "No Jack, we sure wouldn't.  And the sun block would be…" 

"In the house." 

"In…. the house.  Of course it would." Daniel grinned.  "I'll just go get it, then, shall I?" 

Daniel took a few steps toward the deck, then stopped, his brow furrowing, his hand coming up in the familiar gesture denoting he had just thought of something.  "Of course, if sunburn in the only concern here I could just put my shirt back on and then I could finish putting the mower away and raking up the clippings.  I know how much you hate a job half done." 

_Think you're funny, don't you, Dannyboy?  Playing with the old man, are we?  You are sooo going to pay!_

"For crying out loud just get in the damned house!"  Jack growled.  "Do you have to argue about everything?" 

"Not everything," Daniel chuckled, narrowly avoiding the pillow Jack chucked at him as he darted up the stairs and past him, toward the sliding glass doors giving into the house, "just the things I figure will get you going." 

"Which would be everything!"  Jack's tone was cross but his eyes were anything but.  Daniel pushed open the door and paused on the threshold before passing through, looking invitingly over his shoulder at the man who was already starting to come up off the chair he wouldn't have budged from for anything five minutes earlier. 

"I'm gonna need some help with my back.  Whaddya say, Jack, wanna rub it in?" 

"You better run for your life, boy, 'cause I hate to break it to you, but there's really nothing wrong with my knees!" 

"Jack!" Daniel countered, pretending to be shocked.  "I'm appalled!"  He grinned impudently at Jack and ducked quickly into the house. 

"When I catch you, yer gonna be whistling Dixie!" Jack hooted as he hurtled after him, right on his heels. 

Daniel might be younger and faster, but damn, he was motivated! 

And of course he had to take into consideration the very real possibility Daniel wanted to get caught. 

Crap.  All that careful considering and he'd completely forgotten to take into account Daniel was not only younger and faster than he was, but also a hell of a lot smarter.  Ambushed, for crying out loud! 

Jack had no sooner stepped into the house when he found himself tackled, knocked off his feet, pinned to the floor, set upon and now he was being kissed within an inch of his life.  Not exactly the way he’d pictured it going down but he was flexible. 

And speaking of going down... 

_Ohhhhh God...Danny..._

Slightly later, still lying on the floor, now as hot and sweaty as the man tightly clasped to his chest, Jack exhaled a contented sigh.    Maybe being on top had been the original plan, but Daniel’s inspirational asides were, as ever, extremely inspirational.  As was Daniel. 

“Anything else you want me to do for you, Jack?”  Daniel said suddenly, in a very low, very suggestive tone.   “Wash your windows?  Paint your fence?  Polish your tools?” 

“Just give me a minute, here,” Jack sighed again.  “Then the whole place is yours.  Do with it what you will.” 

“I promise I’ll do a good job, “ Daniel raised his head, licking his lips, looking at him with large, black eyes of desire.  If he was as lucky as he hoped he’d be, Daniel was going to be the death of him. 

“Just so long as you’re not just after me for my lawn.” 

“Oh no,” Daniel murmured as he nuzzled Jack’s neck.  “Not just the lawn.  Much more than that.” 

“Oh?”  Jack gasped, feeling his eyes starting to roll back into his head. 

“Didn’t you know?”  Daniel’s seeking lips were a velvet caress upon his skin.  “I’ve got designs on the garage.” 

“Well, just so you know, I come with it.  Package deal.” 

“That’s what I was hoping.” 

Oh yeah, Daniel could mow his lawn any time he pleased.

FINIS 


	10. Provocation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heated words lead to heat...

"Did not!" 

"Did too!" 

"Did not!" 

"Did!" 

"For God's sake, Jack, I don't care what you think you saw - it didn't _mean_ anything!  Dammit, this is so stupid!" 

"Oh, now I'm seeing things as well as stupid!" 

"That's **_not_** what I said…ah - screw it!  I've had enough of this.  I'm going to make some coffee.  Why don't you go out and chase cars or something?  Come back when you've calmed down." 

"And why don't you -- come back here!  Don't you DARE walk away from me you, son of a bitch!" 

Daniel expelled a harsh, irritable sigh as he deliberately tossed his jacket at the corner by the door, knowing doing so would only add fuel to the already blazing inferno but not caring.  He stalked deeper into the house, leaving a blatant trail of discarded books, papers, and unnecessary clothing layers in his wake.  By the time he'd reached the kitchen and the coffee maker he was gratified to hear his admittedly petty, but deeply satisfying attempt to get back at Jack had been entirely successful. 

"For crying out loud, Danny, how many times have I told you about this!" 

Okay, maybe baiting Jack was childish and so was enjoying getting his goat, but the bastard had started it! 

Jack came charging into the kitchen, the offending jacket tightly clutched in his hand.  Daniel pointedly ignored him, calmly going about his business while Jack stood bristling in the middle of the room, shaking the garment threateningly at him, steam shooting out of his ears. 

_You don't scare me Jack, I've been kicked around by the big boys!_

"And don't think I don't see what you're trying to do here!"  Jack shouted at him, still brandishing the jacket as if it was to blame for everything.  "You're trying to change the subject!" 

"I thought I'd already made it clear, I don't want to talk about this any  more," Daniel returned, trying to keep his tone mild even though by now he wanted to turn around and cram the stupid jacket down Jack's throat. 

Anything to shut him up! 

"Well that's just too damned bad, 'cause I do!" 

Jack emitted a low, dangerous snarl, stepping quickly forward, roughly grabbing Daniel's shoulder and spinning him around so they were face to face, The unexpected force of the movement causing Daniel to lose his grip on the mug he was holding.  It slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor, promptly shattering like a fragmenting shell on impact, shooting tiny bits of itself halfway across the kitchen. 

"Now look what you made me do!"  Daniel yelled at him. 

The unexpectedly explosive sound of the mug shattering popped the bubble of Jack's rage; he immediately let go of Daniel's shoulder and stood there, staring dumbly at the remains while Daniel shouldered him roughly aside and stomped away to get the broom and dustpan. 

Jack continued to stand there, saying nothing as Daniel returned with them and started to silently sweep up the scattered pieces of broken glass. 

"Geez, that was your favourite mug, wasn't it?"  Jack finally muttered in a low, slightly abashed voice.  "Sorry." 

Daniel heard the white flag faintly fluttering in Jack's tone but continued sweeping, still not looking at him.  He wasn't quite ready to yet. 

"Don't worry about it," he mumbled to the floor.  "No big deal.  Not like it's the end of the world or anything.  I can get another one." 

Sweep, sweep, sweep.  For many long minutes a heavy silence reigned supreme, its dominance barely challenged by the soft sounds of the broom's bristles moving rhythmically across the floor. 

"I can get another coffee mug," Daniel ventured, at last looking at the other man in the room.  "But there are some things which can never be replaced, if they get too broken to fix.  I don't want that to happen, Jack." 

Jack met his gaze, his dark eyes tragic with realization, looking for all the world as if he'd just been punched in the solar plexus.   Hard.  "Jesus, Danny, neither do I!"  His voice was so rough it was almost unintelligible.  "Is that - is that what you thought?  Aw…crap!" 

Daniel felt himself being grabbed again, this time swept violently into a bone-crushing hug.  Broom and just-filled dustpan dashed from his grasp, clattering unheeded to the floor.   Daniel spent one frantic second wondering if he was about to join them on the linoleum as his legs were threatening to give way before the overwhelming shock of the emotional tidal wave inundating him along with Jack's embrace. 

What was he thinking?  Wasn't going to happen.  Even if he couldn't stand up, Jack had him.  No way Jack would ever let him fall. 

Jack pressed up against him, squeezing him tightly.  Jack's frantic kisses heated the skin of his neck while fragments of fervent, gasped apologies and explanations swirled around them.  Daniel closed his eyes; he fought to find his footing as he tightly gripped the warm, firm body his own arms now hungrily encircled.  With his hands splaying possessively across the beloved back beneath them Daniel thrust abruptly forward, making Jack give way before him.  Advancing upon him, melding into him, pushing demandingly until they were both stopped by the barrier of the kitchen wall at about the same time Jack's mouth finally found his. 

Jack attacking, devouring, shattering all rational thought, filling him with the single driving need to thrust his tongue as eagerly and deeply into Jack's savagely seeking mouth.  Suddenly everything whirled, shifted; Daniel's back was the one pressed against the wall, he was the one being roughly thumped into it again and again and again as Jack's pelvis ground violently, repeatedly, wonderfully into his. 

Jack groaned mindlessly into his mouth, his hands roaming frustrated over Daniel's chest, fumbling blindly, fighting vainly to unfasten buttons with fingers made impossibly clumsy by feverish desire.   Daniel pushed forcefully against him once more, making Jack take a stumbling step back, his hands on Jack's shirt contending with his lover's erratic efforts to de-clothe him. 

As he was marginally more functional, Daniel finally succeeded in yanking Jack's T-shirt over his head.  The garment coming up and away in a brief, disorienting tangle of head, arms, and confining cloth momentarily throwing Jack off balance.  Daniel tossed the shirt aside, already seizing the brief advantage before Jack had a chance to recover.  Daniel gripped Jack firmly by the shoulders and shoved him roughly back against the wall, pinning him there as he dipped his head and quickly gripped an already aroused and erect nipple between his teeth.  Jack hissed with surprise, the sound swiftly turning into a deep, rumbling groan of crazed arousal vibrating through Daniel, inciting him to savagely worry the excited flesh he was mouthing, biting and licking while Jack shuddered and clamped his hands in his hair. 

 Daniel released the pressure on Jack's shoulders, tracing a teasing path with his tongue as he slid his hands down Jack's heaving chest.  They reached the waistband of his pants, moving around to the front.  Suddenly the hands clenched in his hair opened, gripping his head, cupping it forcefully, pulling it up, guiding his mouth toward the one seeking his once more.  Brutal, biting, bruising, Jack's mouth plundered rapaciously, stealing his breath and reason while the hands holding his head moved to clutch Daniel's arms. 

 Jack moved so swiftly, the attack was so skilful, in the next, dizzying instant Daniel found himself lying on the floor, Jack straddling his thighs while pulling impatiently at the buttons on his shirt. 

Daniel struggled frantically against the restraint, bucking up against the man squatting on his legs, and pinning him to the floor.  The abused fabric of his shirt finally yielded to the determined assault; the noisy, organic sound of rending material mingling with Jack's low, evil grunt of satisfaction.  He yanked the sundered remnants halfway down Daniel's arms but didn't entirely remove them.  While what was left of the shirt no longer proved to be an impediment to his further intentions it definitely restricted Daniel's efforts to resist them. 

Daniel moaned with annoyed pleasure, arching his back up into the hands moving freely over his chest, possessing the naked expanse beneath them as they willed.  Skilled hands so often employed in much more terrible, equally skilled ways touched him knowingly with rough and beloved familiarity, speaking the language his body understood completely as it never had with any other. 

Making him ache to answer in kind. 

Jack was bending low over him, grunting urgently with need, his tongue rasping hotly and moistly over his flushed skin as Jack greedily lapped up the salty dew of arousal exuding from his pores.  Nothing mattered now but removing the final barriers to what they both wanted; two pairs of hands clumsily, desperately, fumbled and tangled as somehow they finally contrived to rid each other of the last remaining confining bits of clothing. 

Cupping Daniel's buttocks in his hands Jack rolled over onto his back, pulling his hotly writhing partner on top of him.  Fingers bit deeply into the firmly muscled flesh, moving with rough, desperate purpose, seeking, finding, pushing within, frantically reaming, thrusting.  Fire exploded behind Daniel's eyes as he ground his hips brutally into the pulsing, sweat-slicked hardness beneath him. 

No more resistance, not a particle of discord, no winners or losers, only the unity of urgency expressed in the frantic commingling of flesh.  Jack's hands clutched his hips, impaling him mercilessly, repeatedly upon the fiery spike filling him, thrusting ever deeper into him as it pushed him over the edge. 

Too much, it was too much.  Jack's shuddering body heaved up into him, slamming the force of his climax straight into the core of Daniel's being. Daniel howled and felt the blissful blackness closing about him.  Knew he was falling, but couldn't stop himself. 

Jack.  Jack was there.  Jack had him.  He was still falling, but forward, into the place of safety that was Jack, where there was nothing to fear. 

Daniel sighed and gave himself trusting over into the blackness. 

"…Danny?  Earth to Danny?  Still in there, kid?  I don't care how many times you do this, it still scares the crap out of me!" 

Consciousness came fluttering back, buoying him gently up to satiated awareness.  Not to mention a hell of an afterglow.  He was safely snuggled on Jack's chest.  After having been well and truly fucked into oblivion in the middle of the kitchen floor. 

As if reading his mind Jack started to chuckle.  "Ya know, Dannyboy, I really don't know why we bother owning a bed.  Not like we use it much or anything." 

"Uh…" Daniel replied.  Being conscious was not quite the same as being articulate.  He'd be able to talk in a minute. 

Jack wriggled contentedly beneath him and gave him a quick, affectionate squeeze.  "Back in the land of the living?  Sorry about the brain cells, but I figure they gave their lives for a good cause.  Hell, if this is what happens, we should fight more often.  Ah - Danny?  Wait a minute, where are you going?  Danny?  Aw - crap…" 

Fighting.  They'd been fighting.  He'd almost forgotten.  But it was still there.  Postponed, not forgotten.  Remembering what they'd been doing and why while lying in Jack's arms was suddenly more than Daniel could bear. 

Daniel scrambled to his feet, paused to retrieve his pants and shirt and shuffled silently away. 

Jack found him in the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the tub, absently fingering what was left of his shirt. 

"Too bad about this one," he murmured at the man standing in the doorway.  Not looking at him.  "Had it two whole weeks.  I was getting rather fond of it." 

"I keep telling you, Danny," Jack said gently, "Buttons is just asking for trouble." 

Daniel nodded, his gaze still fully focused on the garment in his lap.  Neither man moved or spoke for several minutes. 

"I'm sorry," Jack finally sighed.  "I was being a jerk.  Again.  I don't know why.  Honest to God, Danny, I don't know why I get like that."  Jack shrugged helplessly.  "It's like I get nuts or something.  You're just…so…and I'm so…well, you know what I am.  When someone like that looks at you like that I just start…thinking stuff.  Crazy stuff like, well, why shouldn't he, you treat him like crap half the time when you're not yelling at him or making him nuts.  I start thinking about all the reasons you shouldn't be here and it seems to me there are more of them than why you are and I get… I get…" 

"Scared?"  Daniel said in a soft, warm voice laden with comprehension. 

"Out of my freakin' mind." 

"Not much a trip," Daniel snorted, and then smiled fondly at him. 

"Okay, so I had that coming," Jack grimaced as he crossed to Daniel and knelt in front of him.  "So, am I forgiven or do you want to insult me some more?" 

Daniel shook his head and reached out to caress Jack's cheek before replying.  "I'm sorry you think about yourself that way.  I don't know what I can say to make you believe me except to tell you this.  You've got nothing to fear.  I don't care who's looking at me, that's their problem.  You're the only one I see.  The only one I want." 

"Even when I'm being a jerk?" 

"Even when you're being a jerk," Daniel breathed, moving closer.  "Besides, you're so very good at it." 

"Nobody better," Jack muttered before he closed the gap and fell into the lips moving to meet him. 

After several long, moist and noisy seconds Jack raised his reeling head.  "Holy crap, can you kiss or what," he gasped.  "Are we starting something again, here?" 

"It's entirely possible," Daniel sighed, licking the side of his neck. 

"Pretty much what I figured," Jack gulped.  "Small suggestion.  Let's do something boring and conventional and try it on the bed this time.  My knees are killing me." 

"Whatever you say," Daniel smiled wickedly as Jack pulled him to his feet.  "I can do conventional.  I promise you it won't be boring, though." 

"That's it, talk dirty to me," Jack leered as he propelled Daniel out of the room with an affectionate slap to the rump. 

"At least I won't have to worry about you ruining another shirt." 

"Again with the shirt!  I know!  I'll just keep you naked all the time.  Problem solved." 

"Interesting idea.  Sam would probably like it too.  Where would I put my gun?" 

"Just \- shut up and get in the bedroom!" 

"You sure you don't want to do it on the dining room table?" 

"Daniel!" 

"What?  Jack?  Why are you looking at me like that?  Jack?  Jack? _Ohhhhhh…Jaaaaaccckkkkk…_ "

FINIS 

(This is the end of the Doppelganger series, but it has a sequel "Pure of Heart" which is also in this archive.)


End file.
